Complications
by CaseyBensonNovak
Summary: Olivia has been acting strange lately. Little does Casey know, it's because of her. She never dreamed she would sleep with a coworker, but when one night changes everything she thought she knew, she must face the ramifications of having a heart.
1. Chapter 1

Christmas was a crazy season. From the shoppers bustling about in search of the perfect gift for everyone from their mother to their first grade teacher, to the constant holiday music blaring from every speaker, to the political correctness of having to refer to it as the holidays, rather than Christmas, life was perhaps never more insane. It seemed, too, that crime seemed to spike around the holidays. Minor thieves and embezzlers, and even angry gift recipients appeared to crawl out of the woodwork.

This meant, of course, that overtime was practically guaranteed, especially for those in law enforcement. Everyone from the lowliest intern to the highest ranking government officials felt the heat. The Manhattan district attorney's office was no exception. And one ADA in particular was beyond exhausted.

Casey had worked for thirty six of the last seventy two hours. Her schedule was packed with arraignments, hearings, and meetings, and free time was nill. She didn't have time to contemplate, much less be sad about, the fact that she didn't have anyone to spend her holidays with. She could have spent it with her parents in their lush Upper East Side home, but she wasn't in the mood to deal with her mother's insistence that she "find a good man and bear many grandchildren."

It wasn't that she hadn't been asked. In fact, her apartment was full of flowers and offers from various men. But Casey wasn't interested. None of them appeared to have any desire to engage in anything beyond a one night stand, and she was positive that at least two of them already had wives. She would spend her Christmas as she always did- with her law books as her dates. They were at least partially intelligent.

By the time Christmas Eve rolled around, Casey, knowing she could use a brief escape from the office, accepted her invitation to the District Attorney's annual holiday party. Everyone in the office was invited, down to the lowliest intern, and everyone was given one extra invite. Casey briefly contemplated going by herself, but then realized how embarrassing that would be. She relaxed on her sofa, scrolling through the many offers on her phone. Still, not one man interested her, not even for a few hours.

Just when she was about to give up, Casey noticed another contact in her phone. She smiled softly to herself, holding her breath and dialing the number. Maybe this night could be salvaged, after all.

Olivia picked up on the second ring. "Benson."

Casey smiled to herself, then, realizing how deranged it was to smile because someone answered the phone, took a small sip of her scotch and returned it to its coaster. "Is the great Sergeant Benson actually home for an evening?" she asked. She had purposely dialed Olivia's house phone number to see if she was there.

Olivia chuckled on the other end. "For now," she answered. "I was about to head out."

"Oh." Casey heard the disappointment in her voice, and quickly squashed it. "I will leave you be, then," she said carefully. It took everything she had to not inquire further.

"I was planning on spending my evening at the grocery store, then that diner a few blocks from the precinct," Olivia responded. "Casey, why are you calling my house phone? I have a cell phone, you realize. For that matter, why are you home? I thought the DA's party started in an hour."

Casey sighed. "It does," she confessed. "But I've been oscillating between two choices: getting dressed and flying solo, or accepting the invitation of someone who only wants to add my name to his little black book...or worse." She shook her head, shifting the phone on her ear. "Neither choice sounded particularly appealing..."

"Oh?" Casey could practically hear Olivia's smirk on the other end. "Well, I don't know about adding your name to my little black book, but since I have nothing better to do, and you couldn't possibly attend this soiree alone, why don't you let me attend with you? I can keep all of those grabby hands off of you."

Casey laughed at the visual, then paused, pretending to contemplate the offer. Olivia was well known around the DA's office, and they could attend as mere best friends. And it would keep her away from "grabby hands" as the older woman had so eloquently put it. It would certainly be entertaining, if for the wrong reasons. Wondering why she was so eager all of a sudden, Casey found herself quickly accepting. Olivia promised to pick her up in an hour, ignoring Casey's protestations that she had her own car. Realizing Olivia had hung up, the redhead walked into her bedroom, placing her phone on the charger and staring into her closet in an effort to choose the perfect dress.

"That was one of the worst parties I've been to," Casey murmured. She and Olivia were alone in the older woman's car. The party had ended a few minutes before, and the steady throng of departing guests snaked around the building, leading down the street in both directions. She had been talking for several minutes, but when she looked up, she realized Olivia wasn't listening. Instead, the brunette was staring out her window, her fingers gripping the steering wheel so tightly that Casey wondered if her knuckles had lost feeling yet. "Olivia?" the attorney questioned. "What the hell? I don't believe I said anything particularly offensive."

Olivia sighed deeply, shaking her head. "You didn't," she answered quietly. "I'm the idiot here. I knew this was a mistake."

Confused, Casey sat up in her seat, facing Olivia, even though the other woman wasn't looking at her. In fact, it seemed she was doing everything in her power to avoid doing so. "If coming here was a mistake, you shouldn't have offered," she replied. "You've been acting very strange for the past two hours, ever since that guy by the buffet table mistook us for a couple. He was drunk, Olivia. He wasn't thinking clearly. Anyone in their right mind can clearly see that we are not a couple." Her hand on the door handle, the redhead shook her head, scoffing in disgust. "I'm the stupid one. Now, if you'll excuse me, maybe one of those fine gentlemen is still interested in spending the night with me."

She had just opened the door when she felt a hand on her arm. "Casey, stop," Olivia instructed. "You know that's not what I meant. And I have not been acting strange."

Casey rolled her eyes, turning to face her. For the first time in hours, Olivia was actually looking at her, or, at least, in her general direction. She could feel her heart in her throat, and her heartbeat in her brain. It was a sign that she was about to cry. What the hell? She must have had too many martinis. "So refusing to look at me, answering my questions and statements with single word answers, and barely reacting when that man called you a grandma are all normal behaviors for you? That's bullshit, Olivia, and you know it. When you're ready to tell me what I did to piss you off so much, feel free to call me." Casey threw the car door open and stood up, the cold air rushing to her face and fingertips. Then it dawned on her.

She whirled around, bending down so she could see into the car. "This isn't just about that drunken partier's assumption," she realized. "You're upset because of what happened at the bar, when that handsome stranger walked over and kissed me. I saw you roll your eyes. Sorry. I didn't realize one night stands were so beneath you."

"Now you're being ridiculous." Olivia released her grip on the steering wheel. "Casey, get in the car."

"Excuse me?"  
"Get in the car so we can talk about this. Unless you want to wait in the rain for a cab on Christmas Eve, I suggest you get your ass in the car and let me take you home. Maybe some sleep will awaken your sense."

Casey shifted her weight, contemplating her choices. She wanted to walk away, just to prove a point, but Olivia was right. The rain had stopped for now, but if the grumbling were any indication, a downpour was imminent. "Fine," she conceded. "But only because it's...cold..out here." She returned to her seat, slammed the door, and buckled her seatbelt.

Neither of them said a word on the way back to Casey's apartment. By the time Olivia had pulled the car up to the curb in front of her building, Casey knew what had started as a promising night was ending in flames, though she still could not decipher Olivia's anger with her. "Thank you for the ride, and for coming to the party," she murmured, unbuckling her seat belt and reaching for her purse on the floor.

"Casey..we need to talk."

"We just did," Casey snapped. "Now, if you don't mind.."

Olivia again placed her hand on the attorney's arm, this time gripping it gently. "I don't care who you sleep with. Although, that isn't entirely true. I care, but not for the reasons you think. I could lie and say it's only because I don't want to see you get hurt, but that's not the whole truth, either. Casey, I've been dancing around the subjects for weeks. Years, truthfully. Tonight only made things worse."

"Olivia, what the hell are you talking about?" Casey didn't want to admit that she was completely lost.

"Let me finish, please." Something in Olivia's voice made Casey shut up. "Look at you, Casey. You're successful and come from a great family. I was a mistake, and spent most of my life with a mother who hated me and a father whose name I never knew. At least, not until much later, and only because of an illegal search. You're much younger than me. You can still get married and have children, and you have your whole life ahead of you. And whether you realize it or not, you're beautiful. Men flock to you because you have an amazing body and a gorgeous face. Just look at that dress. That would turn anyone on, male or female."

Casey blushed in the darkness. She had chosen a simple sweater dress for the night. It was black, with a hem that rode high on her thigh, and a dipping neckline that accentuated her cleavage. She needed a break from her usual suits, despite it being the DA's party. "Thanks," she mumbled, unsure of what else to say. "Olivia, you're not old...and if this is what's wrong, you're beautiful. You say I have a great body, but I wasn't blessed with great breasts or naturally tanned skin. Those are the things the men seem to love."

Olivia shook her head. "Not always. And believe me when I say, I wish my problems were that simple." She faced Casey, taking the other woman's hands in hers. "There are many things you don't know about me, Casey. Things no one but myself and my reflection know. Pass tonight off as unexplained weirdness, if you want to. But you need to know, at the risk of losing everything, that you're the cause of the weirdness. When I saw you tonight, something snapped. I've spent years watching you with man after man, never able to convince myself that I was truly happy for you. I wasn't. I never have been. Maybe it's the champagne talking, but you're too beautiful and sweet to objectify yourself like that. When that idiot referred to us as a couple, I didn't get mad because he was wrong. I was upset because I wanted him to be right. And when that creep kissed you later, at the bar, all I could imagine was him throwing you down on his bed and using you. You don't deserve that. You deserve everything.." Trailing off, Olivia brushed a stray red hair from Casey's eyes, tucking a lock behind the younger woman's ear. And before Casey could react, Olivia had pulled her in for a passionate kiss.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's note: I want to thank everyone for the awesome reviews. I promise that this story won't be going anywhere until it is finished. Please enjoy the second chapter.**

It took several seconds for Casey to register what had just happened. It wasn't that she didn't know what a kiss was; of course she did. But receiving one from her coworker, her best friend, who was also a woman, was information overload for the moment. As they slowly pulled away from each other, Casey looked away for a moment. "Wow," she murmured.

"Wow?" Olivia questioned, brushing a stray red curl out of Casey's eyes. "Is that a good wow or a bad wow?"

"I don't know," Casey admitted. Just looking at Olivia made her crave another kiss. No. That kiss was a fragment of her imagination. It had to be. Rebuckling her seat belt, Casey settled into her seat without saying another word. On the way back to her apartment, Olivia occasionally commented on things they saw on the road, but she didn't question Casey or her thoughts. The attorney was relieved; she couldn't possibly sort her feelings out if they were still talking about them.

When they arrived at her apartment, Olivia walked her up, stating that it was late at night and that she wouldn't let anyone hurt her. Casey hesitated before unlocking her door. "Do you want another drink?" she asked quietly.

"I think I've already had too much," Olivia answered calmly. It was a tone Casey recognized all too well, a tone usually reserved for particularly pesky witnesses.

"Please," Casey asked, hating the pleading undertones in her own voice. "Unless," she added, opening her front door and entering the apartment, "you prefer to pass that off as simple drunkenness." Olivia didn't respond right away, and Casey started to close the door after mumbling a clipped "goodnight."

Olivia pushed the door open just as it was about to close. Without further invitation, she entered the apartment, locking the door behind her. "Tell me how you feel," she instructed. "I am not going to stand here and act like a horny schoolgirl whose emotions got the better of me, Casey. You didn't stop me, and if you truly hated it, you would have pulled away immediately. Now, I may not have studied the clock before and after, but I would suppose you didn't pull back for at least two minutes."

Casey sighed. "Will you just admit that all you want is to add me to your list of conquests?" she demanded.

"I beg your pardon?"

"As if you don't know," Casey snapped, walking into the kitchen and slamming two wine glasses onto the counter. She poured a little of her favorite wine into each glass, practically thrusting one at Olivia. Seeing the confused look on the older woman's face, the redhead rolled her eyes, gripping her wine tightly. "You cannot honestly tell me that you haven't heard your nickname around the office. Or should I say, nicknames? Love 'em and leave 'em Benson, womanizer...and those are the tamest of the nicknames."

Olivia scoffed, finishing half of her wine in one sip. "Clearly I was wrong. We must have regressed into high school students, because we are still relying on the rumor mill instead of asking each other if things are true." She stepped forward, easily closing the distance between herself and Casey, until they were eye to eye. "This may surprise you, Casey, but no one knows for sure how many women I've slept with, because I don't brag about my exploits like some inter-office lady-killer. I find it quite surprising that you, of all people, would place any stock in such rumors." She took Casey's wine glass and placed it next to her own on the island. "I would never use someone I truly care about. There is a difference between a one night stand and my best friend."

Casey folded her arms across her chest, leaning against the silverware drawer. Suddenly, even though she was a few inches taller than Olivia, and wearing heels, she felt naked and short, dwarfed by the older woman's imposing nature. "I don't know what to say," she admitted quietly. Her emerald gaze flooded with tears, and she bit her bottom lip so hard that she drew blood in an effort to stop them from spilling over.

"What are you really afraid of?" Olivia asked, using her right thumb to brush a fallen tear away.

"Everything! It would be easier to state what I'm not afraid of," the redhead sighed. She paced carefully in the kitchen, her heels clicking on the tile. "I'm afraid of falling into your bed and finding you gone in the morning. I'm terrified that things will go badly, and our friendship will suffer..or worse, that they are amazing, but our friendship moves too quickly."

"Those aren't your greatest fears," Olivia answered gently. She took Casey's hands in hers. "Look at me, Casey." As Casey reluctantly met her gaze, the brunette smiled, wiping another tear. "You are using them to hide your biggest fear. You are afraid because you've never been with a woman, and you're worried that it will somehow detract from my feelings for you."

Casey looked at the floor, studying the pattern on the tile. "It's more than that," she confessed. "I feel like a fraud. I've spent my entire life with men. How can I suddenly give that up? How could I have fallen in love with my female best friend?"

"Because love isn't black and white," Olivia replied. "Who cares how many men you've been with? Maybe you never met a woman you truly connected with, or else you repressed your true feelings. But your lack of experience doesn't matter to me. In fact, I have spent the last twelve years pining after a woman who always had a new boyfriend, who I knew I never had a chance with. Now you tell me who is more confused?" she questioned, chuckling.

Hearing it said like that, Casey couldn't help but laugh along. Once she started, she couldn't stop. Whether it was the alcohol or just the fact that it felt good to laugh freely, she couldn't calm down enough to speak for several minutes. Once she had relaxed, she shook her head. "But what about our jobs? I realize there's no official rule against it, but how serious should we let things get before we disclose, if we disclose? What if we disclose, then everything falls apart? What if one of us is forced to transfer? And what if you realize, after one night, that I'm not what you had in mind, and you lose all interest in me? That will make for some very interesting water cooler conversations."

"Those are things we will tackle as they come up, should we even go through with things. This isn't high school, Casey. This isn't about me pressuring you into the bedroom, or even into another kiss. I want you to be happy, and I want you to feel safe. I want you to be with me in whatever way you like, even if that's just saying forget the kiss, and continue as best friends and coworkers. But I do promise you that I have loved you since shortly after I met you, and those feelings have never abated, no matter how hard I tried to squash them. I want you, not just in my bed, but in my arms. You're the one I think about at night. You're the one I have to tap dance around, lest I say the wrong thing and ruin our friendship. You could never be a simple hook up to me."

Casey managed a soft smile, letting the words sink in. Who knew Olivia was such a romantic at heart? "Alright, Shakespeare," she murmured. She picked her wine up, carrying it into the living room. Sitting down on the couch, she ensured that there was enough room for Olivia to sit beside her. Within seconds, the older woman had joined her, her own glass in hand. Olivia started to set it on the glass coffee table, but Casey let out an indignant squeak.

"Oh, yes, I forgot I was dealing with Miss Neat Freak," Olivia said, laughing out loud. She retrieved a coaster and made a great show out of setting it down on the table, and her wine glass on top of it. "Happy now?"

"Ecstatic. And I'm not a neat freak..I just don't like messes," Casey answered, shaking her head at the semantics. She glanced at the clock, noticing it was half past one in the morning. She had to be in court in less than eight hours.

Olivia followed her gaze. "I better get home," she said, standing up.

Casey quickly grabbed the brunette's sleeve. As Olivia looked down at her curiously, the attorney shook her head. "Stay?" she asked, the word barely a breath on her lips. She briefly thought about what she was about to say. Either way, things were going to change in her friendship with Olivia forever. If she were to be completely honest with herself, she would realize that everything Olivia had said was right. She had loved the older woman for as long as she could remember. The first time she could remember loving her was in 2005, when Olivia rescued her, saving her life after Milan Zuergens nearly beat her to death. Those precious moments in the hospital had felt..intimate, in some ways.

She had been used before, as everyone had. So many men had promised they would still be there in the morning, only to slip out of bed before she could wake. But somehow, she trusted Olivia. She realized that it was wrong of her to base her feelings on gossip around the office. It was, as Olivia had said, too juvenile for women in their position. And she realized, in that moment, that she could no longer deny her true feelings. She wanted Olivia. In some ways, she craved her; her touch, her approval, her everything. She gently pulled Olivia back onto the couch, sitting on her lap and wrapping her arms around the older woman's neck. "Promise you'll be here in the morning," she begged.

"I wouldn't dare be anywhere else," Olivia murmured, tangling her fingers in Casey's hair. "Let me show you what it means to be the one I love."

Casey glanced towards her open bedroom door. Wordlessly, they stood up from the couch. As they entered the bedroom, Casey didn't even care that there were dirty dishes on her coffee table. And as Olivia closed the door, only her shadow illuminated in the moonlight, Casey stood by the bed, waiting. Her nerves were on fire. If Olivia didn't do something soon, she was going to implode.

She jumped when she felt the hands around her waist. With her eyes closed, Casey hadn't even heard Olivia approach. Before she knew it, she was enveloped in another passionate kiss. "Are you sure?" Olivia whispered, nibbling at her ear lobe.

"Yes," Casey half moaned, tilting her head back to allow the older woman easier access.

Olivia gently pushed her onto the bed, lying on top of her. She kissed the younger woman with a fire that could have decimated the universe. "I want you," Olivia growled, nipping at Casey's neck. She lifted the attorney enough to unzip her dress, then pushed her down again. She pulled back once the dress was off and Casey's undergarments were revealed.

"Is something wrong?" Casey asked, suddenly feeling naked all over again.

Olivia shook her head in the darkness. "God, you're beautiful," she whispered. Casey was relieved she had purchased a black lace push up bra and matching pantie to wear under her dress. It accentuated her curves and her small, but firm cleavage. Then she realized how ridiculous that thought was. As if she could have known that she would be bedded by her closest friend. "Close your eyes," Olivia instructed softly. The redhead complied. And before Casey knew it, she was stripped of every inch of clothing, including her shoes. This was it. There was no turning back now.


	3. Chapter 3

The rays of sunlight streaming into the bedroom served only as a reminder that morning had once more interrupted the perfect evening. Casey and Olivia had spent most of the night in bed. It was everything Casey had experienced before, but so different. She had never imagined that she would fall into bed with another woman, and especially not a coworker. To say Olivia was as talented in bed as she was in the squadroom was an understatement. She seemed to know every inch of Casey's body, inside and out. She knew every one of the redhead's special spots, even ones that men Casey had been with for months hadn't ever figured out.

By the time they fell asleep, it was well past four AM. Luckily, neither of them had to be at work until the afternoon. But as the sunlight streamed onto the bed, Casey whimpered softly, pulling the covers over her naked body, covering her eyes, and letting out a sleepy yawn. After several moments of trying desperately to fall back to sleep, to cling to whatever incredible dream she was in, she was forced to realize that she was up for the day, whether she liked it or not.

Casey opened one emerald eye sleepily, then the other. Immediately, she realized something was amiss. She never opened the curtains, and especially not when she was going to bed. And when she realized her bed was, predictably, empty, Casey sighed softly. "Of course," she murmured to herself, her pleasant memories fading almost instantly. In their stead was a devastating blend of humiliation, anger with herself and Olivia, and sadness. She could practically feel her hopes shattering within her.

Crawling out of bed, the attorney checked her phone for new messages, then opened a blank message to Olivia. She started to type, wanting desperately to scream "You got me. I do hope you're satisfied." But the words didn't look right on the screen. They seemed...too juvenile. This wasn't high school. She wasn't going to play the jealous girlfriend. She would simply pretend this ridiculous mistake had never happened. The easiest way to do that, she decided, was to enjoy a long, cold shower, followed by a breakfast of chocolate biscotti and mint tea from the cafe down the street from her apartment.

An hour later, fully dressed for the day, Casey checked the time with a quiet sigh. Of course it was only nine thirty. It felt like five PM already. The attorney stormed into her kitchen, muttering to herself as she prepared a pot of coffee. Of course Olivia had left. She had even checked around the apartment on the off chance that the older woman was sprawled out on the couch, watching TV or studying some case file intensely. But that was a foolish search, and now Casey felt fully justified in her humiliation.

Just as she pressed the start button on the coffee maker, Casey was startled a mile into the air by a sudden knock at her door. Relieved that she was fully dressed, she walked through the living room, peering through the peep hole. With a little growl of frustration, she ripped the door open, folding her arms impatiently across her chest. "What the hell are you doing here? Did you forget something? Your heart, perhaps?"

"Casey, you're up," Olivia answered, breezing past her into the apartment. Casey was too annoyed to let out more than an indignant squeak. "And you're dressed. So much for the breakfast in bed idea."

It was then that Casey noticed the older woman's armful of bags from Casey's favorite breakfast locale. "Breakfast in bed?" she repeated, processing the words only as she said them out loud. "I don't understand. You left," she pointed out.

Olivia placed everything on the counter, washing her hands in the sink. "I did leave," she agreed. Turning around, she shook her head. "Let me venture on a limb and say that you woke up, found the bed empty, and assumed I used you? I'm sure you searched around the apartment first, to assure yourself that you weren't being paranoid."

"No!" Casey answered, a little too quickly. She kicked herself mentally. She didn't remember attaching a sign to her forehead that flashed her thoughts like some high tech billboard. "Okay," she admitted slowly. "Maybe. But...you were gone," she insisted.

"To get breakfast," Olivia replied calmly, a smile upon her face. As she gestured to the bags, her jacket moved a little, and Casey could see that she was already wearing her gun and shield. "How many times do I have to tell you that I'm not going to up and abandon you after sleeping with you before you realize that I'm telling the truth?"

"Sorry," Casey answered, meaning it. She walked over to the older woman's side, smiling as she peeked into the bags. Unfortunately, all she could see were half a dozen styrofoam to-go boxes. Before they could eat, the attorney sighed, turning to face Olivia. "I'm not used to people being here in the morning," she confessed. "The idea of promising that one will be there when the sun rises is a novel one. It's romantic and loving, but seldom comes true. You would be surprised how many men have come and gone from this apartment...in more ways than one."

Olivia gently brushed a lock of Casey's still wet hair out of the younger woman's eyes. "I'm not one of those men," she replied. "Differing equipment aside," she added, laughing. The response elicited a laugh from Casey, too. "I don't make promises I can't keep, Casey. I'm not going to leave. It took us a long time to get this far...and, quite frankly, after what I witnessed last night, anyone would have to be crazy to give that up."

It suddenly felt as if they had been engulfed in a lava storm. Casey knew her cheeks had reddened to the same shade as her hair. She would normally be appalled at her behavior, but around Olivia, she felt uninhibited, freer than she had ever been with any man. And she also knew Olivia well enough to know that the brunette didn't say anything she didn't mean. "I was only following your instructions," the attorney replied, ignoring the butterflies roiling in her stomach.

"Are you positive that's all it was?" Olivia asked, grinning. She wrapped her arms around the younger woman, gazing into her eyes. Something about the brunette's deep chocolate brown eyes made Casey fall for her all over again. "Tell me, Counselor. Have you never experienced a fantasy of a certain commanding officer? A fantasy you, perhaps, tried to quell, tried so desperately to ignore, but refused to go away? A fantasy that you may have thought of, say, last night?"

Casey blushed all over again. If they weren't in this position, she would find Olivia's ability to read her so easily to be a particular nuisance. But, somehow, she managed the perfect reply, one she was quite pleased with. "That's for me to know and you to find out. I don't kiss and tell." Fueled by something resembling defiance, the redhead extricated herself from the older woman's passionate embrace and began removing containers from the various bags. "We wouldn't want breakfast to cool, now would we?"

By the time they were nearly finished eating, Casey and Olivia had discussed everything from the weather to current cases of interest to their schedules for the week. It was time to discuss the elephant in the room. "About last night," Casey murmured, taking a small sip of her orange juice. "I wanted to tell you how sorry I am."

Olivia's gaze snapped up from her bacon. "Sorry?" she repeated incredulously. "For what?"

"Please don't make me say it," Casey begged. But the look on Olivia's face told her that was exactly what the older woman intended. "Fine." The redhead took a deep breath. "I'm sorry I clawed the hell out of you in bed, okay?" Her cheeks flushing scarlet all over again, she dropped her gaze to her breakfast, studying her croissant as if it were the test of her life. To her surprise, Olivia burst into laughter. Casey looked up, shocked. "You're laughing at me?" she cried. "Who does that?"

"I'm not laughing at you," Olivia answered once she had calmed down enough to speak. "At least, not at you, personally. I'm laughing at the idea that you're so embarrassed about a few claw marks made in the heat of the moment. Frankly, Counselor, I'll take them as a compliment. It means I was doing my job properly." The brunette shrugged and bit into her bacon. "And, for that matter, you'd be shocked to learn how tame that is."

"You're not...mad?" Casey asked. She had been racked with guilt for hours, having never done that to anyone before. But then, no one had ever done such things to her that drove her over the edge like that.

"Of course not," Olivia assured her. "As I said, it's a testament to my, admittedly, many talents."

Casey didn't know how much more she could blush before turning a permanent shade of red. Her porcelain skin could only bounce back so many times. "Okay, but what about the noise?" she asked.

"Oh, you mean the fact that I need a hearing aid about a decade early?" Casey's embarrassment must have been written on her face, because Olivia simply started laughing again. "Casey, relax. Again, it's a compliment. If the people in Antarctica don't mind, I sure as hell don't." Olivia stood up, walking over to where Casey sat. She stood beside the younger woman, leaning down to her level. "In fact," she whispered, her voice a husky growl. "I wouldn't mind entertaining them again. It must get so boring down there."

"But what about breakfast?" Casey questioned. It wasn't that she wanted an excuse to get out of a repeat of the previous night, per se. "You spent all of that money, and you know it's my favorite restaurant. We cannot let this excellent food go to waste."

"That's what a microwave is for," Olivia purred, blowing hot breath into the attorney's ear. Her fingers traveled down the younger woman's body, toying with the buttons of Casey's blazer. Her right hand slipped into Casey's blouse, then into her bra, finally squeezing her breast gently, but firmly. "Those claw marks are a little lonely." She removed her hand, standing up to her full height. "Well?"

Casey wanted desperately to pretend that she cared more about breakfast than a romantic morning in bed with the woman she had subconsciously pined over for years. But one glance at the open bedroom door squashed those hopes, forcing her to realize how much she wanted this. The aching throb between her legs and her painfully hardened nipples didn't help her argument much. Gently taking Olivia's hand, Casey intertwined their fingers, standing up and gazing into the older woman's eyes. "That's what a microwave is for," she repeated softly.

Olivia smiled, wrapping her arms around Casey's neck, pulling her in for a passionate kiss. Gently, she pulled the attorney into the bedroom, closing the door, even though they were alone. She undressed each of them without breaking the kiss, pushed Casey onto the bed, and straddled her. "I've been thinking about this all morning," she murmured, tracing her fingers across Casey's smooth, naked skin. "I thought about it on my walk to the restaurant, while I ordered, and on my way back. In the elevator on the way up, all I could think about was another moment with you, Casey." She looked at the clock, a sly smirk crossing her face. "How lucky that we have until this afternoon. How lucky that you don't have arraignment until three. That is...if you can even walk by then."

 **Author's note: Thank you, everyone, for the awesome reviews. I am quite pleased with how this chapter came out. I can't wait to hear what you all think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I would like to thank everyone for the awesome reviews. I had every intention of updating earlier today, but I haven't been feeling well, so my creativity was nill. Hopefully, this chapter answers some of everyone's questions. Anytime anyone has any questions, just ask, and I will do my best to answer them within the story. Please enjoy this next chapter.**

Casey rolled onto her side, glancing at the alarm clock sleepily. Noticing she had less than an hour and a half before she had to be in court, she let out a startled gasp, and sat up quickly. "God, I'm going to be so late," she murmured, rubbing her temple in an effort to force her eyes to stay open.

Olivia sat up with her, smiling. "Late?" she asked, checking the time on her phone. "Casey, by my count, you have at least forty five minutes to get dressed and ready to go. And that's including the fact that you always insist on getting to work at least thirty minutes early." She kissed the back of Casey's neck softly. "You'll be fine," she assured the attorney.

"Fine," Casey echoed, checking the clock once more, for reasons even she didn't understand.

Sensing something was wrong, Olivia wrapped one arm around her carefully. "What's going on with you? This isn't merely because of the time, is it?"

"It's nothing," Casey murmured. But she was overcome with a maddening desire to spill her heart out, though she knew how foolish it could be. And she knew she couldn't lie to Olivia for long. The older woman was like a human lie detector. Taking a deep breath, the redhead allowed everything to spill out before she could rethink it. "I don't understand any of this," she admitted. "You say I'm different than everyone else, and that you won't abandon me. I believe you...I guess. But I don't understand what makes me different. Am I supposed to believe you've never said those things to anyone else?"

Olivia didn't respond right away. After a long pause, she took a deep breath, shaking her head. "I don't say things that I don't mean," she replied. "I won't deny that I have told other people that I wouldn't leave them. Everyone says that at one point in a true relationship. But as for saying it to someone who thought they were a one night stand, no, I have never said that to anyone like that. I always make it perfectly clear whether someone is a one night stand or not. I don't enter into things without a full understanding of where they are headed."

"I believe you," Casey answered quietly. In her heart of hearts, she truly did. She had known Olivia long enough to know that she was as honest and caring as anyone could possibly be. But she couldn't quell the nerves within her. She couldn't quantify her fears, but she was overwhelmed with, what? Self doubt? Fears of abandonment? They were fears she couldn't explain, and knew she shouldn't have, but she also knew that she desperately needed an explanation. Sitting up, the redhead sighed. "But why me?" she asked again. "What makes me different than everyone else? Why do you like me so much?"

"Casey," Olivia answered, reaching up to brush a stray red curl out of Casey's eyes. "Where is this coming from?" When Casey didn't answer, for fear of sounding like a lunatic, the brunette exhaled slowly. "What makes you different is the fact that we've known each other for twelve years. The day you showed up at that crime scene, I knew something was different about you. At first, I found it infuriating that you insisted on showing up and telling us how to do our jobs. But then, against all reason, I actually started to look forward to it. There came a time when you would show up, and I would be happy to see you. As we began to develop a friendship, I noticed new things about you. I went from finding you a nuisance to being unable to stop staring at you, unable to stop thinking about how beautiful you were, how brilliant, how funny. Throughout the years, every time you spoke of some new man you were with, I hated him on principle, and I was eventually forced to realize it was because he had the one thing I didn't: your affection. That's what makes you different. You're different because we've had twelve years, and our relationship has progressed through every natural stage." Olivia sighed, pausing to catch her breath. "I like you because of everything you are: a great friend, an amazing attorney, and now, an incredible lover. I cannot ever tell you why I love you, because love doesn't work that way. But I like you because you're different, and because my heart won't let me ignore its pull towards a certain redhead I know."

As Olivia concluded her monologue, Casey bit her lip to fight the tears that had suddenly formed in her emerald eyes. "Wow," she whispered. It was such a sentimental, heartfelt response that she was unable to formulate anything that resembled a proper reply. Finally, she managed what she hoped was as perfect a response as Olivia's. "I never thought about it like that before," she admitted. "When I was first assigned to the Special Victims Unit, I wanted to show my worth. I would be lying if I didn't admit that, at least some of the times I showed up at your crime scenes, I wanted to show off, to prove that I was worthy of being there. Whenever you scolded me for being there, I was overcome with strange emotions. I should have been angry and determined to stay even more, but part of me was also kind of hurt. I was sad that you didn't want me around, though I couldn't explain why. You mentioned that every time I was with another man, you felt something you hadn't yet labeled as jealousy." Casey bit her lip even harder, until she tasted blood. "I was forced into the same quagmire. Every time I heard rumors about your sexual prowess, or your past relationships, I was furious, and wished everyone would focus on work, instead of stupid rumors. The first time that I can remember realizing it was more than simple anger was the night you rescued me after Milan Zergin beat me in my office. We were in the hospital, and when you finally had to leave to return to work, I was overcome with sadness. I wondered what would happen if I begged you to stay. And that night, I dreamed about the perfect relationship, about having a true prince charming. But it wasn't any man in my dream...it was you."

Olivia listened intently, barely breathing throughout the entire monologue. "What a crazy relationship we've had. All this time, wanting each other, but avoiding our feelings for fear of what they really meant." She fell silent for several moments, wrapping her arms once more around Casey. Casey carefully laid her head on the older woman's chest, and Olivia smiled, kissing the top of her head, stroking her hair affectionately. "Does that answer your questions?" she asked.

Casey nodded. "Mhm," she mumbled. "But hey, you could have made a move sooner," she added, smirking.

"I should have," Olivia answered, her strong fingers working their way through Casey's hair. "Believe me, if I could have done this months, even years sooner, I would have. But I had to wait for my opportunity, and last night was a matter of my heart winning over my head. Those two events occurring in tandem are as rare as the Earth suddenly changing its rotation patterns."

Casey smiled softly at the analogy. All she wanted was to fall asleep with Olivia. She wasn't one to even consider skipping work, but suddenly, the thought was all too appealing. Another question popping into her mind, Casey voiced it carefully. "Olivia?" she asked. "What, if anything, does this make us? Where do we stand?"

"I'm not sure," Olivia answered, her fingers pausing for a moment. "We need to take things slowly."

"We already slept together. I'm not sure how slowly things can go now," Casey responded.

"That is very true," Olivia conceded, helping Casey sit up again. She kissed the younger woman gently. "But I'm not going to let things fall apart after so many years of waiting for us to get this far. I'm not going to ask you to do anything too quickly. Beyond that, we have to contend with the consequences of everything that has happened. I'm not saying we disclose right this instant, because that's a major step. But the fact that we've already slept together shouldn't mean we jump to things too quickly. Too much, too fast is a recipe for disaster. I'm not going to lose you now that I finally have you. So, for now, let's just see where things take us, okay? I want to treat you the way you deserve. I don't want to enter a relationship right away, until you are sure that that's what you want."

"But that is what I want," Casey answered automatically. In her heart, she knew it was true.

Olivia shook her head. "Just give it time, alright? You may decide that you don't want me like that, eventually. Please, Casey. I don't want to jeopardize things. Not now. I'm going to earn your affection, and your trust. I'm going to prove to you that you don't have anything to worry about. I want to show you why you're different." She kissed the top of Casey's head again. "Let me show you what you mean to me, and to my life," she whispered.

Casey, knowing it was useless to argue, and finding herself intrigued by the idea of being "earned," took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "As you wish," she agreed finally. She sat up once more, the sheet wrapped around her naked body. They had wasted a good fifteen minutes of time, leaving her only thirty minutes to get ready for work, but it was fully worth it. "I'm going to climb into the shower," she murmured. "Do you want to join?"

Olivia shook her head. "I need to head home and change," she answered. Casey's face must have reflected her disappointment, because Olivia quickly amended her statement. "I'll stop by the office for dinner," she added, standing up and walking over to where the younger woman stood. Wrapping her arms around Casey's neck, Olivia kissed her passionately. "I'll see you later," she whispered. "I've already delayed your primping time. Good luck in court."

Casey smiled softly. "Good luck to you too," she murmured, though she didn't know what Olivia had planned for the day. And as Olivia left, Casey waited for the sound of the front door closing, before untangling herself from the sheet, turning the shower water to the hottest setting she could handle, and climbing in.

As she combed her favorite shampoo through her hair, the redhead allowed the memories of the previous night and that morning to flood her mind like a rapid picture show. If not for the tiny hickey upon her neck, she wouldn't have believed that any of it had even happened. It was better than any dream she had ever had. Part of her was disappointed that Olivia had refused to put a label on their relationship, but she also fully understood. If Olivia had done so, it would have been completely out of her character, and Casey would have been concerned. Beyond that, though, Casey also knew that, if they had any hope of succeeding, they had to be careful. And she would be lying to herself if she tried to convince herself that she didn't relish the idea of being pampered. But for now, she had a shower to take and a job to do. Their jobs had brought them together; they couldn't possibly tear them apart. If only dinner time would come as quickly as the bliss had ended.


	5. Chapter 5

After a quick shower, Casey had to rush to get dressed, because she and Olivia had spent so much time talking. Once her makeup was finished, Casey finished buttoning her favorite blazer and skirt set. She had chosen this suit specifically because of the way it was tailored to her body. Not that she was trying to seduce Olivia, or anything.

Olivia had already left almost immediately after the shower they took together. Unlike Casey, who agonized over making sure everything looked perfect, Olivia simply threw her clothes on, stating that she wasn't going to bother getting ready for work here, since she still had to go home and change.

It was probably for the best. It wasn't that Casey was regretting everything that had happened. In fact, it was quite the opposite- she enjoyed it too much. She needed time to clear her head and sort her thoughts, and she absolutely could not let an already forbidden relationship affect her career. She wouldn't be able to forgive herself.

She still managed to arrive at the courthouse a half hour early, her favorite coffee in hand. The arraignment started a few minutes later than planned. Something about the defendant not feeling quite well. Casey rolled her eyes at the ridiculous cop out. If only people could simply accept responsibility for their actions.

Finally, once the judge had entered and everyone was seated again, Casey listened to the recital of the docket. "Docket ending 4091. People v. Jillian Reinbeck. One count child abuse in the first degree, one count negligence, two counts perjury."

"Casey Novak for the people," Casey responded.

"Sherri West for the defense."

"I'll hear the People on bail," Judge Abrams requested.

If she thought she could get away with it, Casey would have requested remand. Jillian Reinbeck was someone she particularly hated. Jillian's daughter had been sexually abused for years at the hands of her boyfriend, Eddy. The daughter, Julie, had told a friend of hers what was happening, not meaning anything by it. Thinking she was helping, the friend had gone to her parents and her teacher, who had in turn called the police, as required by law.

When everything came out and Julie was questioned by CPS and the police, Jillian was informed that she had to either break up with her boyfriend, or risk losing Julie and her two brothers. Jillian had found a third choice, blaming her daughter for seducing her boyfriend, and accusing her of lying for attention. She kept her boyfriend around, but stopped paying any attention to her only daughter. Julie was eventually shipped into foster care.

Casey was pulled out of her thoughts by the judge's reminder that she hadn't answered her. "The People request twenty thousand dollars," she answered reluctantly. She had to remain somewhat reasonable, unfortunately.

"That's absurd. Ms. Reinbeck has two little boys at home, one of whom requires constant attention because of his learning disability. She has no history of neglect or cruelty. Anyone would release her on her own recognizance."

Casey bit her lip. "Ms. Reinbeck may not have a history of neglect," she conceded, "until one factors in her recent history. Her daughter told the police that she was being sexually abused, and Ms. Reinbeck starved her and ignored her, before eventually shipping her to foster care. That is neglect in its purest form."

"That little bitch said Eddy was touching on her!" came the explosion from the defense table.

The judge banged her gavel. "Counselor, control your client," she ordered. "Ms. Novak, can you live with a thousand dollars cash bond, and an order of protection for Julie Reinbeck?"

Casey exhaled sharply. "Yes, Your Honor," she conceded, knowing that if she gambled, the judge could easily be amenable to the defense's requests.

"So ordered. Jillian Reinbeck, you are ordered not to come within a thousand feet of your daughter or her foster family. You will be remanded to Rikers' Island if you cannot make this bail amount. If there are no further motions, I will see you all back here on October 28th at nine A.M. We are adjourned."

After court, Casey sighed. Luckily, the rest of her day was free. She decided to stop by her favorite Chinese restaurant. Oddly, they had some of the best sweet tea in the city, and the seasoning on their chicken was to die for. Casey sat in a table in the back, ordering her usual without even bothering to look at the menu. She retrieved the case file from her briefcase, opened it, and studied it intently.

"Long day?"

Casey jumped a mile into the air. Looking up, she shook her head. "Jesus Christ, Olivia, you scared me. What are you doing here? And how did you know I would be here?"

"This is where you always come for lunch, I'm sorry I scared you, and I'm here because a victim asked me to meet her at the courthouse for a bit. I knew you would be out of arraignment by now, so I figured I would see if you were here before I headed back to the precinct."

"Oh," Casey murmured, unable to think of a better response at the moment. She swallowed the lump in her throat, looking at anything but Olivia's beautiful chocolate brown gaze. "So..."

The waitress chose that moment to come back with Casey's tea. "Just water for me, thanks," Olivia answered. "So," she continued, folding her hands on the table and looking at the case file. "How did it go?"

"Twenty thousand dollar bail," Casey mumbled. She wouldn't normally talk about it in public, but they were the only ones in the little alcove. It was as private as anything.

The server brought Olivia's water. Olivia thanked her and sipped it. "That's it?" she asked. She shook her head in disgust. "That bitch doesn't deserve to keep her children. She was told to choose between her boyfriend and her kids, so instead of getting rid of the boyfriend, she keeps the boyfriend, but only two of her kids."

Casey nodded sadly. "It's disgusting," she agreed. "She exploded in court, calling her own daughter a bitch and saying she was telling all kinds of lies. I mean, I wonder what she tells her friends. Does she tell them that she only has two sons, while her oldest, her only daughter, is rotting away in foster care? Or does she admit that she has a daughter, but make her out to be some lying little twit who lies more than she breathes?"

"I don't know," Olivia answered, swirling her ice cubes in her glass with her straw. "Did the charges stick, at least? Or did the judge amend them?"

"They stuck, if you want to call it that," Casey replied, stirring a couple of sugar packets into her tea, and dropping a lemon into her glass. She always took forever to drink things, so she simply dropped a lemon into her tea, rather than squeeze it, because it achieved the same function. "Olivia, I don't understand how any mother can do that to her own child."

Olivia nodded. "I know," she said. "And you have to wonder what it's like to sleep with someone accused of raping your daughter. Julie told me and Amanda that she has heard her mother having loud, passionate sex with Eddy multiple times since this whole mess started. It takes a truly messed up woman to be able to have sex with a man who is even thought to have sex with your daughter."

"And for the man," Casey continued, picking up where Olivia left off, "it takes a seriously flawed human being to have sex with the daughter, then the mother. I wonder how many times he raped the daughter, then screwed her mother on the same night. I wonder how in the hell someone can do that!"

"I know," Olivia answered, gently touching Casey's hand to calm her down. It was something she had done throughout the entire friendship, but now it only confused Casey even more, and she reluctantly pulled her hand away. She couldn't hold hands with Olivia in public and still lie to herself and tell herself she was okay with this, whatever it was, being less than a relationship. As if sensing her thoughts, Olivia sighed, recoiling her hand and placing it where it had been before. "How is Julie doing?" she asked abruptly.

Casey shrugged, looking out the window. "I don't know," she answered truthfully. "I haven't heard from her for a couple of weeks. She likes her foster family, and she's the only child there. But she's still heartbroken that her mother abandoned her like that. She told me that she lies awake at night, staring at the ceiling, wondering how her mother can love Eddy more than her. Her mother has only spoken to her a couple times since, and get this. She told her that it's what's best for the family, and that she hoped she understood that she couldn't lose her children. That's the part that really infuriates me. The mother says she couldn't lose her entire family, but she abandoned her daughter and sent her to live with strangers. And then to brag that she is a great mother..." Casey sighed. "Julie is devastated, to put it into a single word. And she's still not sure if she wants to testify."

"She probably thinks it's up to her to keep the family together," Olivia murmured. "If she doesn't testify, she probably thinks her mother will take her back, but if she does testify, I'm sure she believes it will ruin her relationship with her own mother forever." She sighed disgustedly, finishing her water. "No one should have to be faced with the choice between putting your molester away or your mother loving you."

Casey knew, despite how different the situations were, this must be affecting Olivia quite a bit. It probably touched a little too close to home, given Olivia's relationship with her own mother. "I'm working with her," she murmured. "But if she doesn't testify, the case will fall apart. The rape kit didn't turn anything up, and if her own mother gets on the stand as a character witness..." She sighed softly. "It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to get this bastard. He's going down, if it's the last thing I do."

Olivia smiled softly. "I know. I have every confidence in you." She checked her watch, then sighed. "I have to go. I have a meeting in forty minutes, in my office. Do you still want me to come by the office for dinner?"

Casey knew she should say no, since she was eating now, but then, for Olivia, dinner usually meant anywhere between six PM and three in the morning, and usually on the later side, so she knew she would be hungry by the time the older woman showed up. "Yeah, I would like that," she admitted.

"Okay." Olivia buttoned her coat and walked over to Casey's side of the table. No one was around, so the older woman bent down and kissed the top of Casey's head. "And don't think I didn't notice how that outfit clings to that beautiful body of yours," she whispered, her voice husky in Casey's ear. "See you tonight, Counselor."

Casey shivered visibly, watching as the brunette sauntered away. She looked down at the case file in front of her. She desperately wanted to return to her research, as she had been before Olivia had shown up. But now, her head felt as jumbled as an unopened jigsaw puzzle. So much for clearing things up.

 **Author's note: Thank you, everyone, for the awesome reviews. I love reading them, as they always make me smile. This particular chapter is grounded in reality, as I went through a nearly identical experience. I was, and am, the daughter in the situation. I hope everyone enjoyed the chapter, and I promise, there is more to come. Thank you for reading. I look forward to seeing what everyone thinks.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Author's note: I've really only recently gotten back into writing fanfiction, and am overwhelmed by the amazing support this story has received thus far. I do hope it continues, and that my gratitude is not understated. I would like to take a moment to clarify something about my previous note. Much of what happened in the previous chapter did indeed happen to me, but many things were different. I did not use anyone's real names, including my own. Also, a couple of other things varied: I was forced to say I made it up, and the case never went to trial, and though my mom was going to send me to foster care, my grandmother told her that would only happen over her dead body. I wanted to ensure that the previous chapter did not read like a typical Mary Sue. Anyway, thanks for the continued support, and I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks of this chapter. Don't worry. There's light at the end of the tunnel. The story has this title for a reason, though.**

Later that night, Casey arrived at the restaurant Olivia had suggested a half hour early. It was her personal trademark; she loved to arrive everywhere, for any occasion, at least a half hour early. Eventually, the time Olivia was supposed to show up arrived and passed. Then she was ten minutes late, then a half hour, then fifty minutes. Soon, two hours had passed. Olivia hadn't shown up, nor had she texted or called to explain why.

Casey convinced herself that the older woman was probably working. Deciding to give her some more time, the redhead ordered her usual dinner. By the time it arrived, Casey, having just checked her phone for any message from Olivia, was finding it more and more difficult to convince herself that she hadn't been stood up. Still, she managed to remain calm as she ate her dinner by herself.

Once she had finished dinner, Casey shook her head. "Forget it," she sighed, closing her bill out, and heading home. She retrieved her laptop and briefcase from her bedroom, and organized everything upon the dining room table. She would do what she always did when she was upset: work until she could forget her anger.

She didn't know how much time had passed when the doorbell rang. Casey jumped a mile into the air, having been engrossed in an article detailing a psychological study on the effect of childhood sexual abuse. Four other articles sat beside her, highlighted, marked, and read several times each. Casey bit her lip, standing up and peering through the peephole.

With a frustrated growl, she unlocked the door and wrenched it open. "What do you want?" she snapped.

Olivia stood there with two bags of who knew what in hand and an apologetic smile upon her face. It was clear by her usual uniform of black slacks and a business casual shirt that she hadn't left the precinct. "Casey, I'm so sorry," she apologized. "I got tied up in an interrogation, and I lost track of time. It only ended a half hour ago."

"And you didn't call?" Casey asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"I wanted to explain in person," Olivia answered. "Are you going to make me stand in the hallway all night, or let me in?"

Perhaps because she didn't want the neighbors to hear the discussion, or perhaps because her rational thinking had taken over, forcing her to realize she couldn't possibly be mad at Olivia for something that wasn't her fault, Casey sighed and stepped aside, allowing her entry into the apartment. Closing and locking the door once more, the attorney leaned against it. "I was ready to write you a very nasty letter," she admitted. "I sat in that restaurant for almost four hours, waiting, and you never showed up, or called, or messaged in any form. I thought you stood me up. I thought..."

"Let me hazard a guess and say you cursed me in your head, and told yourself that those stupid nicknames and rumors were true?" Olivia asked.

Casey truly hated being so transparent. She wondered, briefly, if her head was made of glass, allowing anyone who wanted to see in to do so. "The thought may have crossed my mind," she admitted quietly. "But what was I supposed to think? I assumed you were at work, but I suppose I allowed my heart to take over my mind for a moment. In my head, I knew you wouldn't stand me up, but I couldn't help but feel that you had." She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly and walking over to the couch, sitting on her favorite cushion. "So much for not letting whatever this thing is between us affect our jobs."

Unable to sit still, which in itself was odd for her, Casey stood back up, pacing around the living room, pausing only to fluff a couple of pillows on the couch. She sat back down, folding her hands in her lap and tucking her legs beneath her. "I don't know if I can do this, Olivia," she confessed, the words spilling out of her mouth before she could stop herself.

Olivia sat down beside her, looking into her eyes. "Do what?" she asked.

"This," Casey insisted. She looked away, biting her lip in frustration. "We need to be honest with ourselves, and say that this was crazy. We were crazy to hope we could take things slowly. You can't take things slowly after already sleeping with someone."

"Why can't you?" Olivia asked, reaching up to brush a stray red curl out of Casey's eyes. "Casey, this isn't a medieval kingdom. This is the twenty first century. And in the twenty first century, there is no rule that says you have to court someone, then marry them, and have your first sexual encounter on your wedding night."

"I know that, Olivia," Casey said through gritted teeth, the older woman's bluntness glued like peanut butter in her mouth.

Olivia nodded. "Then you should know that the order in which things happen simply doesn't matter in today's world," she continued. "I understand where you're coming from. We didn't build up to anything, and yes, in that respect, things did progress very quickly. However, did you ever consider that we aren't strangers? Think about it this way. We may not have gone on a dozen dates before finally sleeping together. But we weren't complete strangers, either. You have been my best friend for almost thirteen years. In that time, we've gotten to know the same things about each other that people learn over the course of several official dates."

Casey considered that. It was true, of course, but she hadn't really thought about it in that context. Still, she had a thousand doubts, each one clawing its way out of her mind, determined to escape her lips first. Unable to think of the right thing to say, she merely mumbled a quiet assent.

"Besides," Olivia went on, crossing her legs. "I asked you a hundred times if you were sure, last night, and you assured me that you were. This morning, when I asked you if you regretted anything that had happened, you didn't just promise that you didn't have any regrets. You had sex with me again."

This bluntness was grating on Casey's nerves. She normally found it sexy, but something about the words "had sex" infuriated her. It sounded so...clinical, so technical. "I don't regret it," she answered, biting her lip so hard that she tasted blood. "I don't regret any of it. Olivia, you're completely missing my point."

"What point? You've barely spoken to me!"

"What point?" Casey snapped, forcing herself to look at the older woman. "Okay, let's start with the fact that this is supposed to be a casual hook up. You, yourself, stated that you don't want to take things too quickly, and that, at this point, our relationship is nothing more than two co-workers who happen to have slept together."

"And you agreed to that!" Olivia argued. "You told me you understood, and, as I recall, some of those words came out of your mouth, not mine."

Casey let out a little scream of frustration. The pillow behind her was suddenly extremely uncomfortable, and the normally calm attorney, overcome with a tiny burst of rage, wrenched it free and tossed it angrily to the floor. The shocked look on Olivia's face only enhanced her anger. Unfortunately, she didn't know what she was angry at. Herself? The situation? "I do understand," she said quietly, calming down and picking the pillow up off of the floor. "And yes, I did say some of those things, but I...I don't know. I suppose a day's worth of events can change your perspective on everything."

"Clearly," Olivia muttered. "You were all for it just twelve hours ago. Now, suddenly, you're throwing pillows on the floor and snapping at me. At first, I thought you were just pissed that I couldn't make our...dinner...but I understand what this is really about. You're not used to one night stands, are you?"

Casey was taken aback by the intonation in the question. It was a tone usually reserved for lying perps in the interrogation room. "I've had plenty of one night stands," she murmured. "And I was okay with it this morning, because the reality of the situation hadn't yet hit me. I must have still been surrounded by that mythical afterglow. You know, that unique afterglow one can only get from sleeping with the Great Olivia Benson." Tears stung the back of her eyes, and Casey bit them back, willing herself not to break down like a little wimp. She wasn't going to fold. She was an attorney, damn it, and her emotions needed to realize that.

"Casey..."

"Don't," Casey snapped. "Whatever you're going to say, don't. Yes, Sergeant, I pretended to be okay with it this morning, because I was so happy to finally be with you that I didn't want to come across as some horny little schoolgirl who couldn't keep her emotions in check. So I tried to convince myself that I was okay with keeping our relationship at a casual level until you said so. But throughout the day, I started to realize how insane that was. I don't do casual relationships, Olivia. I'm not a human sex toy, and I'm not going to put myself into a situation that requires me to be one."

She stood up, folding her arms across her chest. "I have had multiple one night stands in my life, but that's just what they were. They weren't one night stand after one night stand under the guise of taking it slow. And I didn't love any of those men. I didn't feel for them what I feel for you. I can't be that for you, because I...I love you, and I can't handle being a casual relationship to you. And tonight, being alone at that dinner table, only removed the blinders from my mind. Sitting there, alone, I realized that I didn't have a right to be so hurt, because it wasn't an official date. But on the same thread, I realized just how much I wanted it to be. I can't be just friends with you, Olivia, and you flat out stated that you don't have any interest in a relationship. That said, I don't know where that leaves us. I broke one of my biggest rules and fell in love with, not only my best friend, but a freaking co-worker. I don't regret sleeping with you. It was amazing, and even those few hours were heaven on earth, for me. But something about tonight made me realize that I need more...I want more. But you don't."

Casey took a deep breath as she finished her soliloquy. "I know you offered a couple of dates, Olivia, but you also said that you don't want a relationship. I understand. It's too soon. I just think we want different things. I can't just be around for sex when you want it. I need more. I want more, because I love you in a way I've never loved anyone. As you said, we've been friends for years, and in those years, my feelings have never changed or weakened."

Olivia stood as Casey finished speaking. "I understand," she answered softly. "And I respect you too much to use you in a way you don't want to be used. I may not understand where this came from, but I do understand how you feel. I'm truly sorry that I made you think that's all I want. But I'm not ready to jump from friendship to relationship in the span of a day. It's just too complicated. If you can't be friends and I can't jump into relationship status, where does that leave us?"

"I don't know," Casey whispered. "It's...complicated." And once Olivia was gone, leaving her alone with her thoughts, Casey sat on the couch quietly, curling into a ball, and allowing the tears she had been fighting to fall freely. She knew, no matter what they figured out, her relationship with her best friend, the woman she loved, had just changed forever.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: I would like to start off, as always, by saying thank you for the amazing reviews. These next few chapters are going to be full of frustration and angst, but also some happiness. There can be no light without the darkness. As always, I would love to hear what everyone thinks. Thank you for reading. Please note that the next chapter will take place at the same time as this one, but will be from Olivia's point of view.**

Since their fight, Casey had done everything she could think of to take her mind off of everything that had happened. She cleaned everything in sight, from the invisible dust on the already immaculate counter-tops to the pictures upon the walls, which weren't crooked until Casey messed with them, and everything in between.

Finally forced into the realization that there was nothing left to clean, Casey relaxed on the sofa, surfing through various television channels. Nothing really sparked her interest, as usual. Today, the television even seemed to be mocking her. The first several channels showcased commercials. Every single one of them showed loving couples who had just met on a dating site, or were enjoying some new yogurt together, or, in the case of the last one, enjoying a nice date at an expensive restaurant.

Casey sighed, flipping through a few more. Finally finding a show that didn't seem to fixate on the abstract notion of love, she left it on for a few minutes. But by the second commercial break, it was clear that it was the same as all of the others. A man and a woman stood on the screen, gazing lovingly into each other's eyes. The man brushed the woman's hair lovingly out of her eyes, proudly declaring his love for her. Falling to one knee, he proclaimed that he wanted only her forever, and he happily asked her to marry him.

Of course, the woman screamed, jumped up and down, and eagerly accepted. Then the couple rushed to their bedroom, falling into bed to make hot, passionate love. Casey growled, rolling her eyes at the nauseating love story. Leave it to her to turn on a soap opera when all she craved was something to take her mind off of everything that had happened. Nothing on her saved shows list appealed to her, either, so the attorney jammed the power button on the remote and lightly tossed it onto the wooden coffee table.

She fell back against the couch cushions, closing her eyes and allowing her mind to wander, despite herself. She remembered the feeling of Olivia's hands upon her body, the overwhelming desire she hadn't felt for years overpowering her logic and senses. She thought of the way Olivia had kissed her, then held her afterward. If only the memory had stopped there. She could have reveled in the idea of finally being with the woman she had wanted for as long as she could remember.

But this wasn't a soap opera. This was reality, and as with all real things, the memory stubbornly persisted. She could practically hear Olivia assuring her that she had wanted her for years, and wasn't going anywhere, then stating that this couldn't be anything more than casual for now. She could hear her own voice eagerly agreeing to the arrangement, her heart soaring at the mere idea of being anything to Olivia.

She thought of the dinner she had endured, alone and frustrated. Olivia had referred to it as a date, at least once...hadn't she? Unbidden, the memory of mere hours before crept into her mind, and Casey was forced to relive their fight all over again. As much as she wanted to blame Olivia and call her a betrayer, she was more complicit than she cared to admit.

She had agreed that they shouldn't move too fast. She had agreed to sleep with Olivia, consequences be damned. She broke her cardinal rule of never dating a coworker, and that was no one's fault but her own. Casey sat up, everything suddenly as clear as crystal. She had no right to act like an innocent victim. She had over-reacted to Olivia's comments. Of course the older woman didn't want to move too quickly.

Casey tried to convince herself that it was because of the feelings Olivia had claimed to have that she had tried not to move too quickly. On the one hand, it made no sense. If she had waited so long to be with her, as she had claimed, then why wouldn't she jump at the opportunity to assure Casey that she was, truly, different? But, on the other hand, Casey realized, it was wholly logical. If they moved too quickly and their relationship ever fell apart, everything would be in jeopardy: their friendship, their working relationship, and their ability to even work together at all.

Casey reached for her phone to call Olivia and ask if she wanted to talk, but stopped herself. If she called now, mere hours after their fight, she would look ridiculous. She would look like some innocent schoolgirl who couldn't control her feelings, rather than a successful, independent attorney. But if she waited longer, say, until the next day, perhaps even at work, it would give them both an adequate amount of time to clear their minds.

Returning her phone to the coffee table, Casey mentally checked her calendar for the following day. She didn't have court until the afternoon. She could go out and have a couple of drinks. All of her pre-trial work was done, her research organized into nicely highlighted packets, her dockets all in order. She deserved a drink or two. It might even help her forget about Olivia for a bit, she reasoned.

A couple of hours later, Casey sat at her usual table in her favorite bar, her favorite scotch in front of her. The attorney sipped it thoughtfully, watching the people around her. She usually didn't have much interest in people watching, but for tonight, she welcomed the distraction.

A middle aged man looped his arms around his date, a pretty brunette who had to be at least half his age. A woman around Casey's age sat at the bar, enjoying a heaping plate of French fries, what appeared to be a tall glass of vodka, and the football game on the stretch television to her right. A handsome man who looked around forty five, maybe fifty, met her gaze.

Casey snapped out of her revelry, quickly returning her attention to her drink. Damn it. He had surely seen her looking, and might even have mistaken her gaze for flirting, or who knew what? As long as she didn't look up again, she could pretend it had all been an accident.

"Looking for someone?"

Casey looked up. Of course it was the very same man she had locked eyes with. So much for the accident theory. "Hi," she murmured, hating the blush she could already feel upon her cheeks.

Without invitation, he pulled out the chair across from her, and sat down. "What is a beautiful woman like yourself doing alone on a nice evening like this?" he asked.

Was he flirting with her? Casey sighed, not knowing if it was inside her head or out loud. "Just thinking," she answered carefully. "Enjoying the nice evening," she added, a small smile upon her lips. "How about yourself?"

"I see," came the snipped response. He gestured to her half finished drink. "Would you like another?"

Under normal circumstances, Casey would have accepted the offer, perhaps even flirted back. He was quite handsome, if pushy. But Casey didn't want anyone else. She couldn't take her mind off of Olivia, no matter how hard she tried. And even though they hadn't agreed to be exclusive, it still felt like a betrayal to even look at anyone else. Especially a man. "No thank you," she murmured finally. "I was getting ready to leave, actually."

"Oh? Have someone waiting at home, do you?"

Now Casey realized just how pushy and desperate he really was. "No, no one," she murmured. There was no sense in lying. She had a feeling he could read her face like an open book.

"Do you want someone to wait at home for you?" he asked, grinning suggestively.

Casey shook her head instantly, all traces of her gratitude evaporating. In their stead was the idea of just how wrong this could go. She wasn't going to invite some random man home- especially not one who, she suddenly realized, had a wedding band on his finger and smelled a little too strongly of rum. "No thank you," she answered, hoping she sounded more polite than she felt. "I really do have to work in the morning, and I should have been home sooner than now. I'm already out much later than I planned to be." She finished her drink and stood up. "Thank you for the offer, though. Maybe you should go home to the person waiting for you," she added, gesturing to his wedding band. Maybe it was all of her years working with the Special Victims Unit, but all of her alarm bells were sounding in her head. She wasn't stupid enough to go home with a pushy stranger, especially not a married one, or one who was so determined to take her to bed.

Casey exited the bar after paying her bill. Her heart pounded in her chest as she walked to her car, which was a few blocks away. She liked to walk whenever she could; it helped her clear her head, and she also enjoyed the clear night air. The conversation from the past few minutes raced through her mind, and Casey shook her head. She really had dodged a bullet with that creep.

Finally deciding to call Olivia, if only to tell her what had just happened, Casey retrieved her phone from her purse and speed dialed the older woman. She placed the call on speakerphone, waiting for Olivia to pick up, and unlocked her car.

Just as she opened the driver's side door, someone pinned her against the car. "There you are," a deep voice growled in her ear. "I knew you went in this direction, but I couldn't find you right away."

Casey recognized it as the voice from the bar. Knowing he was just drunk, she attempted to push him off. "I don't know your name, but please understand that I'm not looking for anyone right now," she answered, trying to remain as calm as possible. He was just drunk, she reasoned. This would all blow over. Frustratingly, the call to Olivia continued to ring.

If the stranger from the bar noticed, he didn't say anything. He pinned her against the car again, purring in her ear. It sounded more like a hyena's laugh to the frazzled attorney. Casey kicked herself mentally for parking in such a secluded area. All of the businesses on this street were already closed, and there was no one around for a quarter of a mile in either direction. "You're the only one who cares about my bitch of a wife, sweetie," he murmured. Casey tried not to gag at the stench of rum on his breath. Had he smelled like that in the bar?

"But I'm not looking for anything," she tried again. The call to Olivia continued to ring. God, how many times had she set it for before it would go to voicemail? Casey wanted to reach into her pocket and silence the call, but that would surely alert him to the call. What if he thought she was calling the police? Although, she supposed, she technically was, but that was beside the point.

Overcome with a sudden burst of courage, Casey shoved him off of her, kneeing him in the crotch. She fumbled for her keys, realizing she had dropped them beneath the car. Scrambling to pick them up, she had just opened the car door when it slammed shut again, narrowly slamming her fingers with it. "You're going to pay for that, bitch." Only then did Olivia's phone finally go to voicemail.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: I would like to take a moment to say thank you for all of the amazing reviews. I wasn't yet sure which direction I wanted to take the story in, but everyone's reaction helped me decide. Please enjoy this next chapter. I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks.**

Olivia wasn't sure what to feel. She had spent much of her life in loveless relationships. Her career was her family, and she didn't have time for anything more. This wasn't the first time she had found herself drinking alone, but it was certainly the most frustrating. Unfortunately, she knew it was her own fault. She was the one who had insisted their relationship not blossom too quickly, and in the process, she had only pushed Casey further away.

She was the one who had referred to their dinner plans as a date, and even bought the attorney flowers. If that didn't scream mixed signals, nothing did. At this point, Olivia was at a loss for words. She had picked up her phone and opened a text to Casey multiple times, wanting to apologize, to reassure her, or to just say something at all. Unable to choose the perfect string of words, the brunette sighed deeply, closing the text out each time before sending it.

As she finished her second beer, Olivia smiled softly at the young woman who had just sat down beside her. She had seen this girl here on multiple occasions. With long black hair and gorgeous hazel eyes, she was striking. Olivia knew she couldn't have been more than thirty. The girl had flirted with her on a few occasions, especially lately, but Olivia had been turning her down, claiming she was in love with someone else. It wasn't a total lie.

But tonight, desperate for a distraction, Olivia decided to give into the flirtation. Casey was probably doing the same thing somewhere, and they hadn't exactly agreed to be exclusive. She didn't owe anything to anyone. Before she could stop herself, Olivia had struck up a conversation with the younger woman; the conversation quickly turned into an invitation to her apartment.

But then, as quickly as she had lost her senses, Olivia regained them. She had just offered the other woman a glass of wine and shared a passionate kiss with her when a thousand thoughts assaulted her. She thought of Casey in bed, her long red hair splayed around the pillows, her normally pale skin flushed with orgasmic bliss. The beginnings of something she didn't quite understand tangled in Olivia's stomach, then yanked at her heart.

Suddenly, she realized what it was: guilt. She had basically used Casey under the guise that she was different than any other girl Olivia had ever been with. And yet, here she was, celebrating her conquest by finding another. After years of being stuck in the same casual sex loop, Olivia realized just how badly she wanted this time to be different. She didn't know if she was ready to have someone so dependent on her, but she also knew she couldn't lose Casey, at any cost. She really was different.

Olivia pulled back from the young woman before her. "Listen," she murmured, gently setting her glass on the coffee table. "I can't do this with you."  
"What?" the girl cried. Olivia suddenly realized that she hadn't even bothered to get her name. God, what had happened to her? "You invited me over and whispered in my ear that you couldn't wait to have your way with me."

Olivia bit her lip in frustration. "I know," she admitted. She sighed deeply, exhaling slowly. She needed a way to get out of this without hurting the other girl. She had done enough damage for the day. "I have to go take care of something at work."

"Yeah, right," the girl scoffed, grabbing the bottle of wine and pouring a full glass. "It's almost nine o'clock. You don't have to go to work. You have to go to someone. Someone you didn't tell me existed."

"It's none of your business," Olivia growled. The girl's comments served to infuriate her and worsen the guilt she already felt. "Suffice to say, I made a mistake, and I need to fix it. Hooking up with a stranger from the bar is not going to fix it." She reached into her wallet and fished out a couple of twenties, handing them to the girl. "This should be enough to get you home. I'm sorry."

It took several more minutes of arguing and crying, but the girl finally accepted the money and left. Olivia sat back on the couch, her head in her hands. Usually she waited until after she slept with someone to kick them out, but this, somehow, felt just as dirty. Sighing, she picked up her phone to call Casey, then noticed she had a new voicemail and a few missed calls, all from Casey.

Olivia felt the guilt roil in her stomach all over again. She held her breath, deleting the missed calls and dialing into her voicemail service. She had never been so happy to hear Casey's voice. But as the voicemail continued to play, Olivia felt her heart fall to the floor.

"Please don't hurt me," Casey said on the voicemail. It sounded as if she were a million miles away. She must have been recording the voicemail without putting the phone on speaker.

A chilling laugh reverberated from the phone. "Hurt you? I wasn't planning on hurting you. I was going to love you and treat you well, but you decided to hurt me. I'm not the one who kicked a complete stranger in the crotch. Besides, I'm gentle. I've never intentionally hurt anyone."

Olivia held her breath as Casey let out a little whimper of fear. "I didn't mean to do that," she pleaded. "I may have overreacted, and I'm sorry." It was clear that she was bargaining for her safety. Olivia, of course, knew that it rarely worked, and that only stressed her out more.

"If you're truly sorry, you'll take me home and make it up to me. It's there or this alley. Your choice."

Casey remained silent for a few seconds, and Olivia worried that the recording may have dropped. But then she spoke again, her voice shaky. "Okay." There was the unmistakable sound of a car being unlocked, and two doors opening, then closing. "My place is not far from here..."

A recording played, alerting Olivia that the voicemail had ended. When it asked if she wanted to delete the message, the brunette quickly pressed seven for save, and jumped to her feet. She didn't have time to feel guilty for not answering her phone. She had a girl to rescue.

Twenty minutes later, Olivia parked near Casey's apartment and rushed upstairs. She knocked on the door at first, not wanting to ruin Casey's door if she didn't need to. She also didn't want to risk setting the mystery assailant off. She had called Amanda for back up, but she hadn't arrived yet. Olivia waited outside of the apartment, listening for any sounds of struggle, or any unfamiliar voices. Not hearing any, Olivia knocked on the door again. "Casey?" she called out. "Are you in there?"

Not hearing a response, Olivia felt the terror rise within her throat. If he had hurt her in any way, it was all her fault. The sergeant gently opened the door, surprised that it was unlocked. Gun out, Olivia searched the apartment. There were no signs of struggle anywhere, and the only sign that anyone had even been here was a plate on the counter. Casey always did dishes right away, so it couldn't be hers.

"Casey?" Olivia called out again. She tried desperately to calm herself. Part of being a cop was keeping a level head in any situation, but it was quite different when one had to save someone they loved. Noticing the bedroom door open a crack, Olivia stood outside, listening. She heard nothing- no movement, no sound.

Fearing what she may find on the other side, Olivia quietly pushed the door open, gun in hand. She nearly screamed with relief when she saw Casey sitting upright in bed. The bathroom door was wide open, as was the closet. There was no one else in the apartment. "Casey, you're alright!" Olivia exclaimed, before she could stop herself.

Casey didn't look at her. "Me? Oh, yeah, I'm great. I had a great night. I had some drinks, met some guy, broke a heel in the parking lot...I can't imagine a better way to spend my night than that."

Olivia slowly returned her gun to its holster. Noticing that Casey had changed into her robe, the brunette realized what had happened before she even asked. Casey never wore pajamas, especially not this early in the evening. "Casey, what happened?" she asked, gently sitting on the bed beside the younger woman.

Casey turned away, curling her legs beneath her. "Nothing," she mumbled. "Just go. Please. I'm really tired."

Olivia moved as if to embrace the attorney, then pulled back. After years of counseling victims, she could practically feel her training evaporating, leaving her completely unsure of what to do or say. "He raped you, didn't he?" she asked quietly.

Casey sniffed in response. "It doesn't matter. He's gone now, and it's all over. Now, if you would just leave, I could finally get some sleep. I am quite tired."

"Casey, I'm not going anywhere," Olivia answered firmly. "What happened?"

"Nothing!" Casey insisted. "Not everyone is a victim, Olivia. You have better things to worry about, anyway. I shouldn't have even called you. I sat there, thinking about how much I missed you, and I just wanted to hear your voice, no matter what you said. I thought maybe I over-reacted, you know? When it went to voicemail, I realized you were probably at work." She scoffed quietly. "But now that I can smell another woman's perfume on you, I know the truth. You were with someone else. I was feeling like crap for even thinking of being with someone else, and you actually did it!"

"I did not," Olivia replied, shocked by the calmness in her own voice. She sighed softly. "I almost did," she admitted. "But I couldn't go through with it. I rushed over here as soon as I got your voicemail. Casey, I'm so sorry." The brunette felt the tears sting her own eyes. Just looking at the way Casey was laying, her back purposely turned to her, broke Olivia's heart into a thousand pieces. Then, she took a deep breath and shook her head. "Tell me what happened, honey. And don't say nothing, because something clearly happened. And you're clearly not okay. I may not have been here in time to kill the bastard, but I'm here now, and nothing you say is going to convince me to leave. I couldn't bear the thought of being with someone else. I could only think of being here with you. Please, Casey. Please look at me. I..." Olivia took a deep breath. "I love you," she breathed out. She suddenly realized how true that was, and that made her feel worse all over again.

Still, Casey slowly turned to face her, but she buried herself under the blankets. Her piercing emerald gaze was soaked with tears, the pain of whatever had happened written across her face like words on paper. "I gave him what we wanted," she said simply. She looked down at the comforter, focusing on the pattern. "He gave me the option of going into the alley or here. I thought if we came here, and if I didn't fight, he would be happy and leave. And he did." She smiled wryly. "My plan worked, as you can see. They are gone and they are never coming back."

 **Author's note: Another chapter done. Let me know what you all think. The next chapter will be describing exactly what happened, and will be from Casey's point of view. If there's anything anyone would like to know, specifically, let me know in your review and I'll answer it in the story. Thanks for reading. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: I just want to say thank you for the great reviews, as always. This story is one of my favorites of the ones I have written over the years, and I promise that it is not going anywhere. I already have the next arc planned out in my mind; the next several chapters are somewhat mapped out. As a quick note, this chapter was originally planned to be from Casey's point of view, but, logistically, it worked better from Olivia's. Thank you for reading. I look forward to knowing what you all think.**

Olivia took a deep breath, listening to Casey's comments. It was clear that the younger woman had dissociated, and that the full magnitude of what had happened to her hadn't yet hit or. Or else, she was trying to be brave, and act like she was okay. But Olivia knew her too well to know that that wasn't true. She could see it in the way the redhead bundled herself up beneath the blankets, and in the simple fact that she was already ready for bed.

Olivia left the bedroom to retrieve some pain medication and some water. Returning to Casey's side, she encouraged the younger woman to drink the water and swallow the pills, despite her protestations to the contrary. Casey's word choice from just moments ago echoed in her mind. She knew it was anything but a mere slip of the tongue. As much as she couldn't bear the thought of what had happened because she didn't answer her phone, Olivia sat beside Casey again, and sighed. "Casey, honey, what happened?" she asked gently. "You can tell me. You can tell me everything."

Casey shook her head. "It doesn't matter," she murmured. Her voice cracked on the last word.

"Yes it does," Olivia assured her. "I'm here for you. You can trust me. No matter how bad it is...nothing is too bad. Nothing is going to make me think less of you. Please, Casey. Please tell me."

Casey remained silent for several moments, and Olivia sat up, worried the attorney would scream at her, kick her out, or some combination of the two. Eventually, however, the attorney turned to face her again, her emerald gaze flooded with tears. "I just wanted him to go away," she reiterated. "I couldn't bear the thought of being used in some filthy alley...like a p-prostitute."

"I heard the recording," Olivia answered quietly, folding her hands in her lap. "So you let him get in your car, and you drove home. Then what happened?"

Casey breathed out. "He was kind, at first. Or, as kind as someone can be when they are giving you the choice of where they are going to rape you. In that moment, as I unlocked the door, I almost convinced myself that it wouldn't be so bad, after all. Of all the things we've seen over the years, I kept thinking, there are worse people out there. I knew if I gave him what he wanted, he would leave. He promised that, after all."

Olivia fought back her own tears. It broke her heart to think that she was making out with a stranger while this was all happening to the one woman she could ever see herself with for the rest of her life. "So you let him in," she answered. "Then what?"

"I offered him something to drink, but he told me to stop being so transparent." Casey's voice was shaking, and Olivia could feel her hand beside her own. It was ice cold. The attorney took a deep breath, as if to calm herself, and then continued. "He said he wasn't going to be stupid enough to leave his DNA on a bottle of beer. He said his brother might have fallen for that crap, but he wasn't going to."

"His brother?" Olivia questioned. "What do you think he meant by that?"

Casey ignored her, continuing on. Olivia sensed that she needed to continue before she completely lost it. "I thought it was time, then. So I sat on the couch and I waited for him to say it was time, or whatever he was going to say." She bit her lip in the dim light of the early evening. "I didn't expect him to sit beside me, kiss me, and tell me he couldn't start until his friend arrived."

Olivia strangled the gasp that rose in her throat. So it hadn't been a mistake when Casey mentioned the word "they." "He brought someone else over?" the brunette prodded gently. "How many someones?"

"Just one," Casey answered quietly. She turned away, sliding even further beneath the blankets. By now, she was covered all the way up to her neck. "It only took about ten minutes for his friend to come," she mumbled. Her voice wavered. "They didn't waste any time. His friend locked the door and made sure to bolt the chain. They undressed themselves, then me."

"Did either of them have a weapon?" Olivia asked.

"Don't you think I would have told you if they did?" Casey snapped. "I do this for a living too, Sergeant." An awkward pause passed between them, and Casey sighed softly. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I..I don't know what came over me. No...they didn't have a weapon or anything like it. The friend had some handcuffs with him, and he cuffed me to the bed. Then they..." She curled into a ball, dissolving into tears.

Olivia held the younger woman as she shook, and Casey rolled over, burying her head into Olivia's chest and sobbing until well after the sun finally sank below the horizon. After a while, she took a few heaving breaths and laid still upon the bed. Olivia could feel the redhead's breathing slowly even out, and then all was quiet again. "We can stop if you need to," Olivia assured her, holding her hand gently.

Casey shook her head. "No. I want to continue. I can manage. I've been through worse things." She laughed sarcastically. "Nothing they did could compare to the bad nights with Charlie. It was practice, I guess."

"Don't say that," Olivia admonished. She continued to stroke Casey's hair tenderly. "What happened next?" she questioned.

"They stood there talking to each other. I could hear them discussing how beautiful I was, and how it made it much easier to punish me for what I did to some other person they knew." Casey sighed. "I haven't done anything to anyone, so I assumed they were just drunk. They seemed to go on talking aimlessly for hours, but I guess it was only a few minutes, according to the clock beside my bed. Finally, just when I was starting to think nothing would happen, they...they climbed onto the bed and started to take turns."

Olivia winced, closing her eyes for a moment. She couldn't shake the feeling that this was all her fault. She doubted she would ever forgive herself. "How did they take turns, honey?" she asked quietly.

"Everywhere," Casey mumbled tearfully, her voice breaking all over again. "I always thought men were supposed to have a refractory period or something like it, but they didn't seem to have one at all. They were able to continue three times each..without a single break in between." She shifted uncomfortably, wrenching free of Olivia's embrace and pulling the comforter over herself again. Olivia knew she just wanted to hide and escape all of this. "They started with my mouth," the attorney explained softly. "Like it was some sort of foreplay for them. Then, one of them forced himself into my mouth, and the other forced my legs open. When they were finished, they switched and repeated the process. I thought they would continue all night, but they suddenly announced that they were finished. One of them murmured that vengeance was sweet, and thanked me for being such a good participant. And then..."

Casey took a deep breath. "They left," she concluded quietly. She curled into a ball again, and broke down crying once more. Olivia held her comfortingly, assuring her that everything was okay, and that she would remain by her side no matter what. Casey's cries were heart wrenching, truly devastating. Olivia had never heard her cry like that before, and all she could do was hold her and comfort her, wishing with everything that she had that she could fix her. By the time Casey calmed down enough to speak, another hour had passed, and the attorney fell lifeless into Olivia's arms, her body limp, her breathing coming out in uneven gasps. "That's all," Casey murmured.

Olivia was too shocked to say anything at first. There was so much that didn't make sense. They didn't want beer, for fear of leaving DNA, but they had willingly ejaculated in Casey's mouth and inside of her. That, in itself, didn't make any sense at all. The words brother and the fact that they had access to real handcuffs was also disconcerting. And just hearing what they had done to Casey made Olivia want to track the bastards down and slaughter them with her bare hands. All of her training, her years on the force, told her otherwise, but it was one thing to hear these things from a stranger, and quite another to hear it from the woman she loved. "How long ago did they leave?" she asked, finally finding a logical sentence.

"Just before you got here," Casey answered quietly.

"You changed your clothes, but please tell me you didn't shower."

Casey sighed. "I was going to, but then you showed up," she replied. "And I didn't exactly change my clothes. They left me naked, so the appropriate sentiment would be that I put some clothes on."

"You're right," Olivia conceded. She normally found Casey's sarcasm endearing, but under these circumstances, it was heartbreaking. Casey was under the covers, but Olivia surreptitiously inspected her wrists for restraint marks. Somehow, there were none. But then, she hadn't struggled, so she hadn't really expected to see any.

Casey hadn't said they had hit her, so she doubted there would be any bruises or cuts, either. But Olivia knew she had to convince the younger woman to press charges. It would be incredibly hard for her to be on the other side of the bench, but Olivia wasn't going to take no for an answer. Those bastards were going to pay, if it was the last thing she did. "Casey." Olivia exhaled sharply. "I'm going to take you to the hospital. You know what you need to do."

"Oh, yeah, highlight of my night," Casey mumbled, folding her arms across her chest. "Instead of discussing the details of a rape kit, I get to go have one done. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm just going to take some medicine and go to bed."

"That's not what you need right now," Olivia answered. "Do I have to give you the speech I give to all victims? I swear, Casey, I will if you make me." When Casey didn't answer, Olivia growled softly at her stubbornness. "You need to have it done, honey. That way we have evidence when we find these bastards. If you don't.."

"Would you shut up?" Casey snapped. She rolled her eyes in the darkness. "Fine, I'll get one done, but only to shut you the hell up. I'm not in the mood to hear it. And so help me, if you launch into the merits of pressing charges, I'm not talking to you." She got out of bed, grabbed some clothes from her closet, and locked herself in the bathroom.

Olivia could hear the water from the bathroom sink running. She sighed, leaning back against the pillows. This truly was her fault, and nothing she could do or say would make up for that. Casey had hinted at the beginning of the conversation that she knew Olivia had been with someone else, but Olivia doubted it had sunk in. If she told her, Casey would hate her, and would want nothing to do with her. But it was also just as wrong to hide it from her. Olivia sighed deeply, massaging her temple. She would have to tell her, when the time was right.

Meanwhile, the thoughts of everything Casey had just told her rushed through her mind. Her mind was already in full investigation mode. Just then, her phone beeped twice, alerting her that she had a couple of new messages. The first was from Amanda, telling her that she would be a little late. Olivia responded instantly, telling her which hospital she would be at, and instructing her to go back to the precinct and look into any of Casey's recent cases.

The other text was from the mystery girl from the bar. "I can't believe you just abandoned me like that. Most people would jump at the chance to be with a younger woman, a perfectly good piece of tail. I guess you're just too old to get it up anymore."

Olivia deleted the text, at first annoyed at the comment. But then she tossed her phone onto the nightstand, sighing at the irony of it all. It broke her heart to think that she almost slept with this girl, a complete stranger, while Casey, the only woman she truly wanted, was being tortured by two men. Olivia didn't have much time to contemplate her guilt, though, because Casey opened the bathroom door suddenly. "Let's get this over with," she murmured.

Olivia grabbed her keys and followed the attorney out of the apartment. She was relieved that Casey wasn't fighting her on this, but soon realized exactly what that meant. Casey was broken down, defeated, even. The fact that she wasn't arguing illuminated just how devastated she really was.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's note: I would like to say thank you for the amazing reviews, as always. This story has a long way to go, and I'm happy that you all are enjoying reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. As a quick note, the timeline in the next several chapters will be expedited a bit. Each of the following chapters will take place two months apart. Afterwards, everything will go back to a normal speed. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to hearing what everyone thinks. And if anyone has anything they'd like to see happen, just tell me in a review and I'll write it in.**

Two months had passed since Casey's assault. The investigation into who could have attacked her sped along rather quickly. Her assailant wasn't the brightest bulb in the box, and he had left a large amount of evidence behind- not the least of which was his semen inside of her. Olivia had spent hours, even days poring over the attorney's old case files, searching for people they had convicted, who also happened to have a brother.

Even with that, the list was surprisingly long. Olivia had narrowed it down by eliminating people who were out of town, and by the time she reached the bottom of the list, everyone's alibis had cleared. Frustrated, Olivia had instructed the squad to research anyone Casey had even taken to court at all, even if it was just for a Grand Jury. She knew that someone didn't have to be convicted to hate the prosecutor.

And then, as if it were falling into their laps, they finally found their suspect. It had taken six weeks, but they finally had someone to question. Robert Matthews was indicted for seventeen counts of possession of child pornography and one count of statutory rape against his fourteen year old neighbor. He had managed to be found not guilty at trial, because his lawyer convinced the jury that he was framed, and the victim refused to testify. He was free, but his life had fallen into shambles, beginning with him losing his job and culminating in his eventual suicide.

The unit had discovered that Matthews had a baby brother. Everyone they could find recalled how close the brothers had always been, and how angry the brother was when he discovered what happened to Robert. No one had known that Matthews even had a brother, as he hadn't attended a single hearing, much less the trial. But once they discovered him as a suspect, the pieces had quickly formed an entire picture.

He lived upstate, but had been staying in the city lately, informing multiple people that he had a girlfriend to win back. The only times he was seen at the bar Casey frequented was when Casey herself was there.

When he was arrested, he had bragged to Olivia about what he had done. He joked about his friend's stamina, but refused to provide his name. Nevertheless, he confessed to his part in the crime, and referred to it as true justice.

Olivia had just come from the interrogation when she unlocked her front door. She smiled softly when she entered the apartment and noticed Casey sleeping on the couch. Walking silently past her, Olivia gently covered her with a blanket. This was the first time in months that she had seen Casey looking so..peaceful.

As if sensing her presence, Casey opened her eyes slowly. Her emerald gaze was droopy, exhausted. "Hey," she murmured.

"Hey," Olivia murmured back, leaning down and placing a gentle kiss on the younger woman's forehead. Casey flinched at first, but then smiled. "How are you feeling?" the brunette questioned.

"I'm okay," Casey replied quietly. She sat up, curling her legs beneath her under the blanket. She gestured to the bags in Olivia's hands. "You went grocery shopping," she pointed out.

Olivia nodded. "I picked up some dinner too, knowing you were probably hungry. Everything had to sit at the precinct for awhile." She really didn't want to bring up the reason she was so late. If Casey brought up the case, that was different, but Olivia wanted to keep her mind off of everything.

"I am pretty hungry," Casey admitted. "I don't know why I've been so hungry lately. I just feel like I can eat a truck full of food and not be satisfied in the least." She shrugged. "It must be the medicine. They did list an increase in hunger and thirst as a side effect, so I'm not going to worry about it." She looked down at the blanket. "It's not the most important thing to worry about right now," she murmured.

"I'm just happy to see you eat, and sleep for more than a few hours," Olivia answered. She placed the bags on the kitchen counter and retrieved their dinner. It was Chinese take-out, Casey's favorite. Olivia handed the younger woman her dinner, some chopsticks, and a bottle of green tea. She didn't know how Casey could drink that stuff, but everyone had their own tastebuds. "How long were you out?" she asked, sitting down once more, her own dinner in hand.

Casey glanced at the clock beneath the television. "About four hours, I guess." She smiled softly. "Wow. That's more than I've gotten all month." She laughed wryly.

Olivia didn't laugh with her. Casey had a way of deflecting her pain with sarcasm, and Olivia could only listen and comfort her whenever she could. Casey sighed, taking a small bite of kung pao chicken. "How did the interrogation go?" she asked.

There it was. The question Olivia had so desperately been avoiding. She sighed deeply, considering how best to break the news. "Well, there's good information and bad," she replied hesitantly. "The good news is that he confessed to everything. He's going down, Casey. We will make sure of that."

"And the bad news?" Casey asked, her emerald eyes searching Olivia's chocolate brown ones pleadingly. "What's the bad news, Olivia? I can handle it."

"The bad news," Olivia began carefully, "concerns his partner. He admits he had one, and even laughed about his buddy's stamina. But he refuses to name names, and Alex is refusing to offer him a deal, so we aren't going to get that out of him anytime soon."

Casey shook her head, her fingers trembling as she took another tiny bite of her dinner. "I wouldn't offer him a deal, either, if...things were reversed," she mumbled. "There would be no guarantee that the name would even check out if he received a deal, or even that he would accept one." She bit her lip, tears welling in her eyes. "I guess one is better than two. At least he confessed. Or bragged, or whatever you want to call it. But, Olivia, I need you to do something for me."

"You name it," Olivia murmured automatically.

"Will you talk to Alex?" Casey asked hopefully. "I just want this to end, Olivia. Trials take forever, you know that. And I know, as a prosecutor, I should be doing anything but advocating an easy close, but I also can't handle the thought of being on the other side of the desk. It's nothing against Alex. It's merely the fact that I can't see myself in the witness box. Every time I try to prep myself, the visual refuses to come. And besides...forget everything I just said. One is not better than nothing, no matter what I try to convince myself of." Casey exhaled sharply. "I just want it over with. Please, Olivia. Please convince Alex to plead him out and get the other name."

Olivia fell silent for several moments. She was shocked, especially since, as Casey herself had admitted, the redhead was a prosecutor, and a ruthless one at that. But hearing Casey's plea, and seeing the woman she loved so broken and beaten down made her realize just how badly Casey needed this. It wasn't that she wasn't strong enough for a trial. Olivia knew it would destroy Casey's thoughts towards her own career, and that would be just another thing for her to lose because of this attack. She couldn't let that happen. So, taking a deep breath, Olivia finally nodded. "Alright. I'll talk to her," she answered. "But I can't guarantee she'll say yes."

"You would think you would have more pull over someone you used to sleep with," Casey muttered, popping another piece of chicken into her mouth and chewing it silently. But then she shrugged. "Well, thank you. And thanks for dinner."

For the next half hour or so, the two women fell silent, eating their dinner in peace. Afterwards, Olivia finished the dishes and Casey took a bath. It was the first time since the attack that Olivia hadn't heard her crying when she thought she was alone. It was taking time, of course, but Casey was healing remarkably fast, given what had happened to her. She still wasn't able to sleep through the night, except after several nights of nothing, and then only because she finally crashed. Olivia held her at night, but Casey's nightmares weren't as frequent or as terrifying as they had been at the beginning.

Hearing the bath water shut off, Olivia sighed, pouring herself a glass of wine and sipping it carefully. Casey had experienced the entire spectrum of emotion since the assault. At the beginning, when she found out that Olivia had been flirting and making out with someone else instead of answering her phone, Casey had oscillated between screaming at her for letting her get hurt, and crumpling into a heap, sobbing that she didn't mean it.

The one good thing to come out of the ordeal was its effect on Casey and Olivia's relationship. It had given Olivia perspective, forcing her to realize what she had almost lost. They had officially entered a relationship, though, of course, not a sexual one..at least since their first night together. But for now, Olivia was just to content to hold the woman she loved in her arms, to heal her, to love her.

"Olivia?" Casey called from the bedroom. "Have you seen my phone?"

Olivia looked around the kitchen and living room, spotting Casey's phone on the coffee table. "It's out here," she called back. "Just lie down, and I'll be in there in a few minutes with your medicine."

Grabbing the phone, Olivia set it on the counter, and used her own phone to dial Alex's number. It was only eight thirty, so she knew Alex would answer. Holding the phone to her ear, the brunette set to work uncapping Casey's medicine. Just as she grabbed another green tea from the refrigerator, Alex's phone went to voicemail. "Alex, it's me," Olivia said after the voicemail prompt finished. "I need to talk to you about Matthews. If you could stop by sometime tonight, I would appreciate it. It's urgent." Olivia hung up, dropping the phone into the pocket of her slacks.

She glanced down at the pills in the little cup. Casey was still on painkillers, albeit a much lower dose. She was also on a light sedative, to help her sleep when she really needed it, and an anti-anxiety medication. It made Olivia sad to know that the woman who never took anything stronger than ibuprofen had to take such strong drugs. But that part of the healing process. And Olivia would be there with her for every step.

Entering the bedroom, Olivia found Casey sitting up in bed. She handed the younger woman her pills and her drink, then her phone. "Here you go, honey. Bottoms' up."

"Thanks," Casey mumbled, taking the pills and turning onto her side. "Did you call Alex?" she asked.

Olivia nodded, wrapping an arm around the younger woman as Casey cuddled into her for comfort. "I did," she murmured, stroking Casey's long red curls. "I asked her to come here tonight, so I don't have to leave your side." She placed a gentle kiss on the top of Casey's head. "Just relax for now. I'm not going anywhere," she promised.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note: Okay, disregard the note in the last chapter. I originally planned for each of the next four chapters to take place two months apart, but it did not work out very well. So I am amending that note. I also need to know what you would all prefer to read. I need to know whether everyone would prefer to read the final stages of the investigation in detail or not Please let me know what you prefer. Thanks, as always, for reading. Please enjoy this next chapter. I look forward to knowing what everyone thinks.**

Casey was exhausted after her bath. As she changed into one of her favorite pajama sets and tied her favorite robe over it, she sat on the bed for a few moments, closing her eyes and allowing her mind to wander. Her stomach hadn't felt well for weeks, but she had assumed it was just the flu, which was going around, as it did every year at this time.

As her stomach roiled again, Casey winced. Her dinner must not have agreed with her. She couldn't wait until this flu passed, and she could actually keep something down for once. As the feeling slowly passed and the taste of pennies dissolved, Casey paused when she heard talking in the living room. She checked the clock beside the bed, realizing she must have fallen asleep for a bit in the bathtub. This needing twelve hours of sleep a night thing was starting to get to her.

Standing up slowly, Casey walked out of the bedroom, spotting two people on the couch. Alex and Olivia were sitting side by side, talking about who knew what. When she heard her name, Casey cleared her throat quietly. "Hey, Alex," she murmured, sitting on Olivia's free side. "Thanks for coming." There was a time when she wouldn't have dared suggest that Alex come over for a visit. But her days of jealousy over Olivia's former relationships were over...for now, at least.

"Hello, Casey," Alex answered calmly. She moved a little further away from Olivia, giving Casey more room to sit. Casey smiled and moved closer to her girlfriend, resting her head on Olivia's chest. "How are you feeling?" Alex questioned.

Casey was getting sick of that question. At first, it was genuinely comforting to know that everyone was in her corner, and that she had people who wanted to help her. But after two months of hearing the same question at least three times a day, just hearing it made Casey's blood pressure spike. "I'm okay," she answered quietly. There wasn't much more to say. She didn't want to go into detail. Besides, the word okay summed it up rather well. She wasn't great, but she was getting better. She was okay. "Thanks for asking," she added lamely.

Alex nodded. "Let me know if you ever need anything," she said, looking away as Olivia wrapped her arm around Casey to hold her. She opened her brief case and retrieved several files, placing them on the coffee table. "Olivia told me you want to talk to me."

"I said we both needed to talk to you," Olivia interjected, shooting Casey an apologetic smile.

Casey sighed. How nice of Olivia to throw her under the bus like that. But then, it was comforting to be able to speak for herself. Everyone had been treating her like an invalid lately. She supposed this was the price she had to pay to be treated like a human being. "We do," she finally conceded. "It's about the case."

"The case?" Alex asked. Casey noticed Olivia had already given her a glass of wine. She looked away. Alex turned sideways, to face them. "Is everything alright?"

Olivia nodded. "Everything is fine, now that we finally have one of the two bastards who did this to her," she answered before Casey could. "But, as you may know, Matthews is refusing to name his partner, no matter how much we try. We tried every approach: threats of prison time, guilt trips...But nothing worked. He bragged about his buddy, even joked about him, but will not name him."

"Olivia, there's nothing I can do about that," Alex answered slowly. "I can't overlook what he did. Whether he worked with a partner or not, the fact remains that he was clearly the alpha in this partnership. I can't help you."

"Yes you can," Casey interrupted. She took a deep breath, biting her lip. "You can offer him a deal," she said before she had time to second guess herself.

Alex, who had turned her attention to one of the case files, snapped up. "Excuse me?" She sat back on the sofa. "Casey, I would think you, of all people, would advocate more time."

"I would, if it were anyone else," Casey conceded. She sighed, shifting uncomfortably in Olivia's arms. "But this is different. Yes, I would love for him to get as much time as possible, after what he did to me. It was clearly pre-meditated, and I know that he must have stalked me before hand." She paused, considering how best to continue. "But that doesn't change the fact that he did have someone else with him, and unless we offer him some time shaved, he's never going to tell us who that is. So it's either half justice or merely warped justice. They both deserve to pay for what they did."

Olivia held Casey tightly, gently kissing the top of the younger woman's head. She nodded in agreement. "Casey's right," she agreed. "And who knows how many other women they've done this to, in the name of revenge. Who knows how many women they could continue to do this to, if we don't stop them? Alex, please. There has to be something you can do here."

Alex remained silent for several minutes. Casey started to worry that this was all a mistake, and that Alex would only care more about her batting average than genuinely helping them. But then, just when Casey had given up hope in their cause, the blonde sighed. "I'll see what I can do," she promised. "Casey, what would you do, if this was your case?"

Casey was surprised that Alex had actually asked for her opinion. It was the last thing she had expected. "If this was my case, and I was on the proper side of the desk," she answered carefully, "I would offer him fifteen years for the rape itself, and disregard the stalking. That would be in exchange for his ability to testify against his partner and willingness to lead us to him. The partner, of course, would get no deal."

Alex nodded thoughtfully. "That's exactly what I would do," she answered. "Olivia?"

"I agree," Olivia answered. She had been relatively quiet during the entire conversation, but Casey knew Olivia was doing that on purpose, in an effort to provide her with some of the control she felt she had lost because of what had happened. It actually made Casey feel loved and appreciated.

Alex returned the files to her brief case, closing it tightly. "I will get to work drafting a plea agreement in the morning. I wanted to take this bastard to court, to punish him for what he had done, and I am shocked that you didn't want the same thing, Casey. But I fully understand your reasoning. I can't say I wouldn't feel the same way if I was in your shoes." She smiled gently. "I hope you feel better. Thanks for the wine, Olivia. Goodnight."

Once Alex was gone, Casey shifted in Olivia's arms, lifting her head to look up at the older woman. "You did that on purpose," she stated. It was a statement, not a question.

"Did what on purpose, honey?" Olivia asked, though her smile said everything.

Casey rolled her eyes. "You know what," she answered. "You knew that I meant for you to talk to Alex about the plea, but you stayed silent the whole time, because you wanted to force me to talk to her. You knew I would need a few moments to really feel like myself again."

Olivia smirked. "And did it work?" she asked, kissing Casey's forehead.

Casey thought about it for a few moments. She had spent years feeling enveloped in Alex's shadow, both in the office and in the love department. She may have had the higher conviction rate, but knowing that she was assigned to the Special Victims Unit in the wake of Alex's tragic "murder" had left some huge shoes to fill. And the rumors swirling around the office that Olivia was brokenhearted over the loss didn't help.

But then she realized that this wasn't a battle. It wasn't a competition to see who Olivia would love more, because Olivia herself had proven that she loved Casey. She had chosen Casey. So there was no reason to hate Alex anymore. There was no reason to live in her shadow. She had the higher conviction rate and the love of the woman they both adored. Maybe they could be friends, after all. There was no need for them to remain rivals when there was no reason to be anymore.

"Casey?"

Casey jumped, realizing she had allowed her mind to wander. "Yeah, it worked," she murmured, realizing, as she said it, just how true it was. Everything that had happened to her had made her doubt herself completely, especially in regards to her career. But having been able to provide input in her own case had made her realize that she was still a prosecutor, no matter what happened to her. And Olivia's actions had truly given her that epiphany.

"Good." Olivia smiled. "Hey, I'm going to go out and get some ice cream. I assume you want your usual. Peanut butter cup, I presume? Extra fudge and sprinkles?"

Casey grinned. "You know me so well," she murmured.

"When it's all you've wanted for a month, I can't help but notice a pattern," Olivia replied with a chuckle. She gently laid Casey back on the couch, propping a few pillows beneath the younger woman's head. "I swear, you're going to turn into a peanut butter cup."

"I wouldn't mind that," Casey said, shrugging. As Olivia turned to walk away, she gently grabbed her girlfriend's sleeve. "Olivia?" she asked quietly.

"What's the matter?" Olivia asked.

Casey bit her lip. This was the perfect time to tell her the truth. But the words died on her lips. "Um, it's nothing," she mumbled. "Can you just make sure to get extra hot fudge? Their fudge is the best in the city."

If Olivia didn't buy the excuse, she didn't say anything. She just nodded, kissing Casey again, this time on the lips. "Anything for you. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Will you be okay here by yourself?"

Casey nodded. "Yeah, I'll just watch TV or something while I wait for you to get back." Truthfully, what she really wanted to do was take a sixteen hour nap, but she knew that wasn't going to happen anytime soon. She was tired of being so exhausted all of the time, tired of not being able to keep any of her favorite foods down. She was tired of crying at random things, or being filled with rage at odd moments, only to have it dissipate within seconds. She was tired of being a victim, tired of being forced to stay home when she really couldn't wait to be back at work. She was just tired.

"Alright. I'll be back soon," Olivia replied, pulling the covers over Casey and leaving, locking the door behind her.

Casey settled back on the sofa, sighing. She untied her robe and lifted her night gown, looking down at her belly. Shaking her head, she dropped the nightgown and retied her robe, sliding under the covers once more. She laid her head back on the pillows, closing her eyes. "Yeah, we'll both be fine," she murmured.


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note: Thank you, everyone, for the great reviews. I did reply to a couple, but one of them had to be anonymous, with my pen name at the end, because you can only submit one review per chapter per account. I would like to take a moment to say that what has happened thus far in the story was not my initial intent, but it did happen. However, I can promise that the story has a long way to go, and that the worst part is over. Things will be much brighter from here on out, I promise. Thank you for reading, and continuing to stick with me. I look forward to reading what you all think of this next chapter.**

Casey didn't realize she had fallen asleep until she opened her eyes, feeling as if they were glued shut. She rubbed them carefully, sitting up on the sofa. She smiled when she saw Olivia sitting beside her, an open case file on her lap, a glass of wine on the coffee table. "Hey, you," Olivia murmured. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm not sure yet," Casey answered. "I'm too tired to feel anything but sleepy, right now." But as Olivia handed her a cold glass of water and Casey took a few small sips, she realized that whatever nausea she had been feeling earlier had passed, as had her migraine. "What time is it?" the redhead asked.

"Just after ten," Olivia replied. "I was only gone for forty five minutes, but when I got home, you were already asleep. I didn't wake you, did I?" Casey shook her head, and Olivia smiled softly. She stood up, walking over to the freezer and retrieving two enormous bowls of ice cream. Their favorite ice cream parlor had some of the largest bowls in the city, even bigger than the new large at Dairy Queen.

Casey smirked when she saw the bowl, which was filled to the rim with peanut butter cup ice cream. It oozed with hot fudge syrup, which was, of course, frozen by now, and smothered in m&m's and Hershey kisses. "Wow," she murmured. Olivia had remembered all of her favorites. "Are you trying to fatten me up?" she asked.

Olivia shrugged. "You could stand to gain a few pounds," she answered with a smile.

"I don't think that will be a problem," Casey said under her breath. Seeing the questioning look Olivia gave her, Casey flinched, the truth dying on her lips. "Nevermind," the mumbled hastily, unwrapping her spoon and taking a bite of her ice cream.

Olivia sighed, removing the clear lid from her own bowl. "Casey, are you sure you're feeling okay?" she questioned. "You've been sleeping for twice the amount you usually do. I know it's because of the stress, but don't think I haven't noticed you getting out of bed in the middle of the night and spending an hour or more in the bathroom. Casey, if there's something we need to talk about, or if you're doing anything unhealthy, you need to tell me."

Casey tucked her legs beneath her, oddly annoyed. It was just like Olivia to assume she had developed an eating disorder. Not that she hadn't thought about it, but that was in her lowest moments. Casey could feel Olivia's eyes boring into her. It made her feel like a moth trapped in the brightest light, a specimen to be dissected at one's leisure. "Olivia," the redhead began, knowing she couldn't hide this for much longer. She sighed and placed her bowl on the coffee table, meeting Olivia's gaze. "We need to talk," she murmured.

"What about?" Olivia asked, taking a bite from her own bowl and placing it beside Casey's. She must have noticed the tears that had flooded in Casey's eyes, because she opened her arms and sighed as Casey laid in them. "What's the matter, honey? You know you can tell me anything."

Casey remained silent for a long time. She didn't know how best to explain what was happening. She could beat around the bush, tell the story, and end with a cliff-hanger. Or she could blurt it out and get it over with. But no, that didn't seem right, either. There had to be some middle ground. She just had to find it. "Olivia," she said slowly, hesitating. Then, before she could stop herself, she blurted "I'm pregnant."

Well, so much for a middle ground.

Olivia let out a sound that was something between a gasp and a groan. At first, she held Casey more tightly, but then she released her so that she could face her again. Casey could see, by the look in her eyes, that the older woman was trying to decide how best to respond to the situation. She could practically see the dilemma she had faced mere seconds ago etched into Olivia's features, flashing across her face like the title on a marquee. "Oh, Casey," she finally breathed out, tenderly brushing a strand of scarlet hair out of Casey's eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know," Casey admitted right away. She really didn't. Some women may have hesitated to tell their partners, and instead opted to take care of their pregnancy themselves. But Casey, who was raised in a strict Catholic family, didn't believe in abortion, and regardless of her beliefs, she just couldn't imagine walking into some clinic and telling them they could do whatever they wanted with her baby. She fully understood that it was the decision some women would make in her place, but it wasn't one she felt she could make herself. That wasn't even a factor in why she couldn't tell Olivia. She just..couldn't.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" Olivia asked. It came out as more of a statement than a question.

Casey snapped to attention. "What do you mean?" she asked, shocked. But she knew exactly what Olivia was talking about. Olivia herself was a product of rape, and telling a product of rape that she was pregnant from her own rape was, admittedly, quite uncomfortable. It made Casey feel trapped all over again. What if she made the wrong decisions in the baby's life? What if it grew up thinking she hated it? What if...

Olivia sighed, snapping Casey back into reality. "Casey, don't worry about that," she answered gently, as if reading Casey's mind. "But I know that's at least part of why you didn't tell me. I do this for a living, sweetheart. And I love you. I can read you like a book." Olivia opened her arms again, allowing Casey to cuddle into her. Casey hesitated, but then crumpled against her. Just the feel of Olivia's strong arms around her made her feel completely sheltered from the world, and from everything she was facing. "What are we going to do?"

"We?" Casey questioned, too shocked to realize that Olivia, of course, would be there with her every step of the way. Then she shrugged, shaking her head. "I don't know," she murmured. "But I'm going to keep the baby," she said firmly. "I know you have mixed feelings on that, Olivia, but I've always wanted to be a mother. I may not have planned to have a baby so soon, and I certainly didn't imagine it happening like this, but I'm not going to punish the baby for its father's actions. That's not right."

Casey knew without looking that Olivia was nodding. "I know," she murmured, scratching Casey's back soothingly. It always relaxed Casey, and often made the difference between a restful night and a sleepless one. There was something infinitely calming in such a simple gesture. "I don't know what to say," the older woman admitted quietly. "Casey, you know that I would crawl to the ends of the earth to make you happy, and if this is what you want, I'll do it. God knows I don't have a right to advocate getting rid of something for someone else's mistake." She sighed deeply, her fingers pausing in their efforts.

"Are you going to leave because of this?" Casey asked. Her anxiety was slowly creeping into her mind again, despite months of effort, months of Olivia convincing her that she was really the one she wanted.

"No, of course not!" Olivia exclaimed. "Casey, I would never leave you. Nothing you could ever do or say could make me stop loving and wanting you. But this is going to be tough. You know that as well as I do. I'm shocked that this could happen, of course. And I'm worried about how it will affect you and your healing process."

Casey bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She understood Olivia's concern, of course. After years of working with the Special Victims Unit, she had seen so many victims experience the very dilemmas that now haunted her. She had seen babies have one of two impacts: they either helped the women heal more quickly, or they inspired some form of detachment, and only reminded the women of their assaults. "It'll help," she murmured, hoping, as she said it, that it was true. "Olivia, everything will be okay." She heard the confidence in her own voice. If only she could convince herself of the truth in the statement.

"I hope so," Olivia replied softly, sighing above her again. As Casey moved to rest her head on Olivia's chest, the older woman held her tightly, resting her cheek on the top of the attorney's head. "Casey, I really do think you should consider getting some..professional help," she murmured.

Casey sat up too quickly. Her head began to spin. "A shrink?" she cried. "Olivia, how can you say that to me? I don't need therapy. I told you that. I'm fine. And I have you. What more do I need?"

"I'm not an actual therapist!" Olivia retorted. Casey had gone to therapy for the first month after her attack, but she had stopped it afterwards, because it didn't help. Therapy wasn't for everyone. What Casey really wanted, more than anything, was to return to work and get on with her life. That, she knew, was the major obstacle that was preventing her from healing.

"I don't care," the redhead snapped. "I tried therapy, Olivia, like I promised. I went three times a week, and you know what? All it did was make me feel worse about myself.

Olivia sighed. "I know that, honey. I really do. But maybe you didn't get the right therapist. Maybe we can find someone else for you. Someone who really will help. You're going to need one. You say you're okay now, but you know what's waiting on the other end. I'm not going to watch you crash and burn. Please, Casey. Please work with me here. I love you, and it breaks my heart that I can't help you by myself, but I also have to admit that I can't. You need more. We need more. Especially if we're going to have a baby."

Casey looked away, tears flooding in her emerald eyes. She still couldn't believe everything that had happened. Sure, her attackers would be brought to justice, but she still had to remember what they had done, and now she had another reason to remember them. But then, she already loved her baby, and she wanted desperately to shelter it from everything that was happening in the world, every evil thing. She didn't want to give Olivia the satisfaction of being right, but she also knew she owed it to the woman she loved, and to their baby to at least try to heal. "Fine," she conceded quietly. "But for now, I'm going to bed." Casey picked up her ice cream, which was practically candy soup by now, and stormed into the bedroom, flopping into the bed and staring down at her dessert. It looked exactly as she felt: melted, but still cold, with unidentifiable emotions swirling around it. God, what had her life come to? She was comparing herself to ice cream. Yeah, she definitely needed help.


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note: Everyone's reviews always make me smile. Just receiving suggestions, questions, and comments of all kinds restores my desire to continue this story. So consider this my thank you for everything. I hope this chapter answers the questions I've gotten in my inbox and the review box. I look forward to knowing what everyone thinks.**

It had been two months since that night. Casey's first assailant, the suspected ringleader, had agreed to the deal after some hesitation. He had provided his friend's name quickly, and it wasn't the fact that the name checked out that shocked the squad. It was just who the name belonged to.

Casey's second attacker had been someone she, at least, had once known intimately. It was an ex boyfriend of hers. She had left him years ago to focus on her career, but had quickly fallen in love with Charlie. According to Matthews, he met this man at his job and convinced him to help him seek revenge for his brother's false imprisonment, and had shown his friend a picture. The latter had quickly realized just who he was expected to help punish, and had jumped at the chance, according to Matthews.

Unlike Matthews, his friend suffered a full trial. It was deemed high priority because of the victim involved, and he was eventually found guilty. The judge sentenced him to twenty years in prison.

As for Casey, she had finally started to heal properly. Under Olivia's insistence, she had been in therapy for three months, and this time, when she quit, it wasn't because it wasn't helping, but rather, because she truly didn't believe she needed it anymore. She was finally sleeping through the night, and though what had happened to her would be in her mind for the rest of her life, she had reached the point where she was lucky if she thought about it once a day.

There was only one loose end to tie up. Casey had, of course, wanted to know which of her assailants had fathered her baby, so they had arranged a paternity test to answer that very question. Casey felt that it was the one last thing keeping her from fully moving on. If she knew just who had done this to her, regardless of her feelings towards it, she would know, in a way, who to invest more effort into forgiving.

Casey woke early in the morning. For once, it was because of her alarm, and not because of her nausea. Seeing Olivia's side of the bed empty, and unable to find the usual note, Casey sat up. "Olivia?" she called out. "Are you there?"

The bedroom door opened, and Olivia entered, a tray full of breakfast in her hands. "Good morning, beautiful," she said, smiling as she placed the tray on the bed and kissing Casey softly. "How did you sleep?"

"Very well," Casey answered, meaning it. She propped herself up on the bed, smiling. "This all looks delicious," she murmured. Olivia had cooked everything just the way she liked it. Her toast was just a little burnt, for extra crispiness. Her eggs had been whipped into an omelet, smothered in cheese and accented with a hint of salt and pepper. And her bacon was cut into tiny pieces, which were used to form the words "I love you." Casey smiled. "I love you too, babe." She smiled at her girlfriend and kissed her softly.

Olivia sat beside her, grabbing a strawberry from the little porcelain bowl. She chewed it silently, but Casey could feel her watching her out of the corner of her eye. Casey smiled, and realized how hungry she actually was. And they did have a long day ahead of them, after all. She grabbed a fork and cut a tiny piece from her omelet, practically swooning as it hit her tongue. Olivia had prepared it with the perfect amount of seasoning, and her favorite cheese. It was, in a word, perfect. Once she had finished her first bite, Casey smiled softly. "How about you? How did you sleep?" Not that Olivia ever slept for more than four hours per night.

Olivia shrugged. "I slept," she answered. "Oh, by the way, I have good news for you."

Casey raised an eyebrow curiously. "Good news?" she repeated, smiling. "And what might that be?" She could practically feel her nerves tingling with anticipation.

Olivia fed her a piece of bacon. "Well, let's just say I have taken steps to ensure that I'm off for the entire day. One simple day. No phone calls, no interruptions, and hopefully no emergencies. Fin is in charge in my stead, and I can at least trust him to keep the building standing." The brunette smiled. "Therefore, you are stuck with me for twenty four hours."

"Oh, I'll try to cope," Casey joked, grinning. She took a sip of her orange juice. "Wow...imagine one entire day of no interruptions. Just imagine what we can do..."

Six hours later, Casey and Olivia sat alone in the room assigned to Casey for her appointment. Casey was more nervous than she wanted to admit. She had never been pregnant, of course, but beyond that, she had never been in a situation where she would even need a paternity test if she did become pregnant. She had always passed it off as something needed for other women, not her. She sighed softly, leaning back against the pillows. Olivia squeezed her hand comfortingly. "It'll be okay. I promise."

"I hope so," Casey murmured. God, she really hated needles, and having one injected into her abdomen was especially frightening. She hoped, by some miracle, that the results would actually be something other than what they expected, but she knew the odds of that happening were slim to none.

The doctor entered, smiling. Her name tag read Dr. Nicolae. "Good morning, Casey. How are you feeling?" she asked as she set to work checking all of Casey's vitals. She checked her chart, nodding. "So we are here to conduct a paternity test, is that correct?"

Casey nodded silently. Having a third party confirm it made it..embarrassing, in a way. She couldn't help but feel a little ashamed of even needing one, but she knew Olivia had probably informed the doctor of all of the circumstances of the situation when she had set up the appointment. "Yes," she confirmed out loud.

The doctor covered her up and lifted her gown, which Casey had been instructed to change into. She covered Casey's belly in ice cold gel, and smiled as the redhead winced at the frigid contact. Even the doctor's hands were cold. As the doctor rubbed the transducer along her belly, Casey tried her hardest to take her mind off of her racing nerves. Dr. Nicolae smiled after a few moments. "There's your baby," she stated, gesturing to the image that had just come up on the little screen.

Casey and Olivia both looked over at it. Casey could just make out the baby's head and body, and what looked like one long rope where the legs would be. "It's beautiful," she murmured. "Um, do we get to know what gender it is?"

Dr. Nicolae examined the image for a moment. Then she shook her head. "I can't get a clear view of the fetus's genitals, but we can find out definitively through the paternity test and include it in your results. That is your option."

Casey and Olivia shared a look. They had already discussed knowing beforehand, so now, they simply nodded. "Yes, we would like to know," Olivia chimed in. "Also, do you know approximately how long it will take for us to get the results back? I realize every lab is different."

Dr. Nicolae sat back on her stool. "It shouldn't take more than four business days," she answered. She glanced again at Casey's ultrasound picture. "Well, Casey, your baby looks very healthy. Are you on any prenatal medications?"

Casey nodded. "Yes, I am taking vitamins," she replied. She looked back at the image, transfixed. She couldn't believe that was her own baby, her own womb. It was incredible. At least one good thing had come from this appointment.

A few days later, Casey had just re-entered the apartment after getting the mail. She flipped through it, annoyed to see how much junk mail they had gotten. Ads from places they never shopped stared back at her. Political pamphlets urged her to vote for this person or that. God, she hated the year before elections. And then, just as she was about to throw everything away, Casey reached the last envelope in the stack. She immediately recognized the return address.

It took everything she had not to tear it open and read the results right away. Casey held her breath, practically running into the bedroom, where Olivia was just getting dressed after a shower. "Olivia, it finally came!" she exclaimed.

Olivia opened the bathroom door, still wrapped in her towel. "What came?" she asked, toothbrush in hand.

"The results, of course!" Casey usually wasn't so excitable, but this was different. This was very different.

Olivia smiled. "That's great, honey, but can I rinse out my mouth, and, you know, put some clothes on before we read them? It's a little drafty in here, and I have toothpaste stuck on my tongue."

Casey grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, okay," she replied, sitting on the bed, and waiting as patiently as she could for Olivia to finish getting dressed. She placed the envelope beside her on the bed, glancing at it periodically. It was like being a little kid at Christmas, and being so tempted to open presents early just because one's parents were asleep.

The envelope was driving her crazy, so Casey turned it over, placing her hands in her lap, and waiting. Just when she thought she couldn't take the anticipation any more, the bathroom door opened, and Olivia stepped out, dressed in her usual uniform of black slacks and a button down blouse. She smiled, sitting beside Casey on the bed. Casey inhaled the scent of her girlfriend's cologne, smirking to herself. It was a scent she loved more than any other.

Olivia picked the envelope up and turned it over. She took Casey's hand. "Okay. No matter what this says, you know that I'm here for you through thick and thin. Nothing in this envelope could ever make me stop loving you."

Casey nodded. "I know," she said, knowing in her heart just how true Olivia's promises were. She held her breath. "Olivia, can you open it? I'm too nervous, and I'm afraid that I would probably wreck it, somehow."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, looking at her curiously. When Casey nodded, Olivia smiled, and slid one finger beneath the flap of the envelope. She opened it slowly, retrieving the letter from within. As she unfolded it, Casey leaned in to read along with her.

The first several paragraphs concerned their rights, and the rights of both parents involved. Casey shuddered briefly at the thought of the baby's father coming anywhere near it, whoever he was. The first thing listed was the gender. Casey smiled. "Oh, babe, look, we're having a baby girl."

Olivia nodded, kissing her softly. "Now I have two girls to care for. Boy, am I in for it," she joked.

Casey didn't want the excitement to be overshadowed, but something compelled her to keep reading. It was almost like a magnet, drawing her gaze farther and farther down the paper, until...Casey gasped, having to read the name on the parchment multiple times before it sank in. She had actually expected Matthews to be the father, because, by the sheer law of probability, he had technically been more likely, she figured, since he had technically finished first. But it wasn't him. It wasn't either of them. Casey gasped, sitting back on the bed. "Oh my god," she murmured. And just like that, all of her worries floated away. The name on the paper was one she had never been so happy to see in her life.


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Before I say anything else, I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to read and review this story. I had lost my muse for a long time, given some real life events, but I am glad that I returned to writing. In regards to the guest who asked for clarification regarding just who Casey's other attacker was, and who the father of her baby is, this chapter should answer those questions. If anyone else has any questions, feel free to ask me in a review and I'll answer you in the context of the story. Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.**

Casey had read the name on the paper a hundred times before it finally sank in. She resisted the urge to jump up and cry with excitement, because it was clear that her baby wasn't fathered by either of her attackers. But something else was nagging her, and Olivia had already asked her what was wrong four times in the last twenty minutes. Olivia had just asked again a few seconds ago. This time, Casey took a deep breath, contemplating her answer.

"You know, I should have recognized him," she murmured. "I mean, we did used to sleep together."

Olivia held her closely, stroking her hair to comfort her. "It has been a long time, honey. No one would expect you to recognize him over a decade after you last saw him. Who knows how many people we see every day that we once knew intimately?"

Just the thought of that was too creepy to think about, Casey thought. But she shook her head. "Yeah, but he was different." She knew Olivia didn't know the whole story, so she held her breath, then exhaled slowly, and launched into an explanation. "I met him in my sophomore year of law school. He was studying to go into private practice, just like his father and grandfather before him. He was handsome and charming, and he could make you laugh even when you wanted to crawl into a hole. We went out on a few dates before we slept together. But after awhile, he started getting very possessive. He never hurt me or put me down; he was just very desperate. I broke up with him and told him I needed to focus on getting my career together, and that I wasn't ready for anything serious."

"So what happened then?" Olivia asked. "Was he mad when you left him?"

"He was as mad as one would expect, but it wasn't any worse than any other break up," Casey murmured. She sighed deeply. "Well, I meant what I said. At least, I thought I did. But by now, we were seniors, and as much as I wanted to focus on getting my career together, I couldn't keep my eye off of the handsome man in the corner. He was funny and brilliant, and when we were partnered together as co-prosecutors on a mock trial, I fell in love with him." The redhead fell silent for a few moments, then continued. "It had only been a month since I had broken up with Andrew, but I had already fallen madly in love with Charlie."

"Did they know each other?" Olivia asked.

Casey nodded. "Yeah. They were room mates, so the first time Andrew saw Charlie getting ready for a date, he was furious when Charlie told him who it was. Andrew left school after that, claiming he had transferred out west, but regardless, I never saw him again." She shrugged. "Little did I know that Charlie wouldn't be much better." After another long pause, she continued. "So, from what I'm understanding, Andrew thought I left him for Charlie. I find it odd that he harbored such resentment for all these years, but I guess when Matthews approached him, Andrew must have been thrilled when he found out that I was the target. Matthews would get revenge for his brother and Andrew would get revenge for me leaving him so long ago."

Olivia didn't answer for a long time. Finally, the brunette sighed, holding Casey more tightly, though shifting her arm so it didn't fall asleep. "See? It's okay that you didn't recognize him right away. It doesn't matter that you slept with him a few times. People's appearances can change within a few months. Forget a decade and a half."

"I know," Casey murmured. She knew Olivia was right, but it was a bit more difficult to convince herself. "Truthfully, he does look different now," she murmured. "Back then, he was swarthy and handsome, with the sexiest haircut I've ever seen on a man. He was thin and athletic. Now he's...well, he doesn't even have the same hair color, and he has a mustache now."

"And he's gained about fifty pounds of muscle, I would think," Olivia answered.

Casey cracked a smile. "Yeah, that too." She shifted in Olivia's arms. "I just can't believe it was him, you know? Of all of the people to want to hurt someone and get revenge, someone I slept with so long ago didn't even cross my mind. It just seems too bizarre that he even ran into Matthews, who, coincidentally, not only knew me, but also wanted revenge. And that Matthews approached him, of all people, to help him."

Olivia sighed deeply. "Stranger things have happened," she replied. "But what matters most is the fact that they were both in prison, where they belong." She reached over to the night stand and retrieved the paternity test results. "And then there's this tidbit of good news."

Casey re-read it without thinking, then looked up at Olivia curiously. Olivia had been oddly supportive of who the father was. A few nights before Casey and Olivia had first slept together, before any of this had happened, Casey had met a man in the bar, and had slept with him. She didn't know why she hadn't bothered to use any protection. She had meant to stop at the drug store the following morning on her way to work, but she had been so busy, and by the time she even thought about it, it was too late.

After everything that had happened, she hadn't forgotten about it, exactly, but her hook up definitely wasn't at the forefront of her concerns. She had just assumed her baby had to belong to one of her attackers. She was ashamed of herself for forgetting about her hook up, and for being so irresponsible in the first place. That would teach her to hang out in bars after stressful cases. "The baby has a chance now," she murmured out loud, holding the test results like a gold medal. "We won't have to worry about her looking like either of those monsters." Olivia didn't say anything. Casey rolled over to look at her. "What's wrong?"

Olivia sighed. "Casey, you need to think about this," she answered. "You didn't have access to his toothbrush or his hairbrush. I know you're just happy that she isn't one of theirs, but this has me concerned, too. Think about it. How else would they have access to his DNA?"

The answer hit Casey like a ton of bricks. Of course. How had she, a brilliant attorney, been so wrapped up in her excitement that she lost perspective on the issue? "He has a record," she spelled out. She sat up abruptly, wincing as the air rushed through her head.

"Yes," Olivia affirmed.

Casey looked away. "Oh my god, what if he has a violent record?" she panicked. "What if he raped or killed someone, or robbed a bank, or kidnapped someone? Olivia, this can't be happening. I can't possibly be such a magnet for trouble. Please. You have to deal with this. Please. Please find out what he did!"

Olivia kissed her on the forehead. "I will," she promised. "I will call Fin and have him look into it. In the meantime, you need to lie down. All this stress is not good for you or the baby." She grabbed her cell phone. "I'll be back in a bit," she murmured.

Casey slid under the covers, resting her head on her pillows. She had almost all of the pillows on the bed on her side, but they both liked it that way. Olivia preferred to sleep as flatly as possible, while Casey wasn't comfortable unless she was propped up, even in her sleep. She closed her eyes, allowing the reality of everything they had found out to crash over her. Andrew, her Andrew, her lover before Charlie, had spent years hating her, thinking she left him specifically for Charlie. He had teamed up with Matthews, the brother of someone she had prosecuted, who wanted revenge just as much. But neither of them was the father. That title belonged to another man she had slept with, mere days before her first night with Olivia. God. When had her life been written as a trashy beach novel?

Olivia returned to the bedroom, shutting her phone off and sitting on the edge of the bed. Casey jumped, startled out of her thoughts. "Fin looked into his records," she stated flatly.

Casey sat up. "And?" she asked, holding her breath. Any moment now, she would be forced to realize that she had slept with yet another freak.

Olivia smiled gently. "He wasn't arrested for anything violent. His DNA is in the system because he ran a red light and swore at the arresting officer, then tried to bribe him."

It took a moment for the words to sink in. Then, before she could stop herself, Casey started laughing, feeling the tears sting her eyes. "Oh my god," she replied, when she was finally calm enough to breathe out a coherent sentence. "What an idiot."

Olivia chuckled. "I'm glad you find this so funny. It's good to see you laugh," she answered, pulling the covers more snugly over Casey, who, admittedly, was beginning to get some goosebumps on her porcelain skin. Olivia kissed her softly. "So our baby doesn't belong to anyone bad, we know who hurt you, and everyone who needs to be is in jail. And all of that happened in the last four months."

Casey shook her head. "What a crazy four months," she agreed. She gently brought Olivia's hand to her stomach, smiling. She had felt the baby kick earlier, so she knew she was active tonight. Olivia seemed to feel it too, because she smiled and kissed Casey again. "So, what now?" she questioned.

"Now," Olivia said, reaching into her pocket. "We answer another question together." Casey's face must have betrayed her curiosity, because Olivia just smirked and took the attorney's free hand. "Casey, I know when we first slept together, I told you that you were truly different, and that I wasn't just going to use you for a night and be done with it. I know that I betrayed that trust when I stood you up for a planned date, and that I broke your heart when I said that sex was sex and that I didn't want anything more." The older woman met Casey's emerald gaze with her own beautiful chocolate brown one. "But I could never hide my true feelings, no matter how hard I tried to distract myself," she went on. "When those bastards hurt you, they took a piece of me. I blamed myself for not being there to protect you, and I knew it was my mission to make sure that they suffered. And when I found out that you were pregnant, I was both thrilled and pissed, knowing who it belonged to. I'm relieved that she belongs to someone you hooked up with, but I have to say, I'm also a little jealous that he got to have you before me. Because I love you, Casey. I always have, and I always will, and as much as my head has always yelled at me, I know it's time to let my heart have a voice."

She reached into her pocket again and retrieved a small velvet box. She opened it to reveal a glistening diamond ring in the shape of a heart. "Casey, I love you. Would you do the honor of being my wife?"


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note: Thank you, everyone for the great reviews. I'm happy to see that this story is so well received. Anytime you have any questions or have anything you would like to see happen in the story, just let me know in a review and I will make it happen or answer it, if it is a question. If I cannot answer your question in the context of the story, I will do so in an author's note. Thank you for reading. I look forward to seeing what everyone thinks of this next chapter.**

Casey sat back on the bed, shocked. She could only stare at the ring, speechless, unable to formulate anything resembling a coherent sentence. She had been engaged only once before, to Charlie. Over the years, several people had proposed to her, but Casey wasn't one to enter into things too quickly. A quick relationship was one thing. Agreeing to marry someone after only two weeks was quite another.

But Olivia was different. They had been together for months, and they had been friends for almost thirteen years. It wasn't as if they had just met on the street one night. And in her heart, Casey knew that she loved Olivia. And she didn't have to try very hard to imagine spending the rest of her life with the older woman. In fact, she realized, it was a very appealing notion. Smiling, the redhead nodded, holding her breath. "Yes, Olivia, of course I will marry you!" she exclaimed, trying to rein in her excitement.

Olivia smiled, taking Casey's hand and gently sliding the ring onto her finger. It was a perfect fit, and Casey knew she would be staring at it for weeks. "Oh, it looks beautiful on you," the brunette murmured, sitting on the bed and kissing Casey softly.

Casey wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, deepening the kiss. "I love you," she whispered. "With all that I am, and all that I hope to be," she added softly as they gently broke the kiss.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered, gently tapping Casey's nose. She smiled, wrapping her arms around the younger woman and sighing softly as Casey snuggled into her embrace. "I have never asked anyone to marry me," she admitted. "I was always comfortable with relationships that could end at any time. I never wanted to have someone forever. I couldn't even imagine the word. It seemed like such a long stretch of time. And I tried to think the same thing when you first accepted my kiss. But no matter how hard I tried to pull away, I felt drawn to you. I wanted you more than I have ever wanted anyone, and that scared me. But then I realized that I had two choices. I could make this like any other relationship, and watch it, inevitably, fall apart. Or I could make it permanent, and make you mine officially. I realized, then, just what I truly wanted."

Casey smiled softly. Olivia's words tugged at her heartstrings, and a warm glow oozed through her insides. If this was true love, she never wanted the feeling to end. "Well, if this is your definition of making me yours permanently, I have no complaints," she murmured, partially jokingly, but also completely seriously. She snuggled closer to Olivia, resting her head comfortably on the older woman's chest. She shifted, realizing just how many things they had left to do.

As if reading her mind, Olivia sighed above her. "We will have to disclose," she murmured. "It's no longer as simple as an ADA dating a detective in her borough. We cannot possibly hide our marriage, nor should we. I doubt IAB or your boss can do anything to us, but that is exactly why we have to disclose. We have to avoid any possible conflict of interest."

Casey nodded quietly. God, she hated the rules. In any company, there was an unspoken rule about not dating one's superiors, but there were always ways around it. In their line of work, though, their love was fodder for hundreds of defense attorneys, who could easily claim that evidence had planted, testimonies fudged, etc- all in the name of love. It was, in a word, stressful. Casey and Olivia had opted not to disclose until they knew where their relationship stood, and that it would last. It simply wasn't worth it to arrange a meeting with their bosses and confess that they were sleeping together. They weren't even officially living together yet.

There was so much to do. It wasn't as easy as arranging a wedding and signing a marriage certificate. Casey's head suddenly started to spin with all of the details, and she sat up, propping herself up against the pillows. "If it comes down to one of us having to transfer, I will do it," she murmured.

"What? No. Casey, you love your job."

"I do love my job," Casey answered, biting her lip. "But I can do that same job from anywhere in the office. You, on the other hand, are on the brink of becoming a Lieutenant and officially taking the reigns of the Special Victims Unit. If you transfer to another borough, you know as well as I do that your chances of holding that same prestige are very low." She folded her arms across her chest and crossed her ankles. "And besides. Of the two of us, you're the only one who specifically wanted to work sex crimes. I didn't. Now, I'm not saying I haven't grown to appreciate it, maybe even like it, but truthfully, Olivia, I can imagine myself elsewhere. I cannot imagine you at the helm of another borough."

Olivia sighed deeply. "I won't let you transfer," she replied. "We will figure this out. They will not transfer either of us, and if they try, well, then we will deal with it then. As long as we disclose before we even start to plan the wedding, we should be fine." She smiled, kissing Casey's forehead softly. "We will figure this out," she promised. "Trust me."

Casey, not wanting to discuss it any further, only nodded and mumbled a quick assent. Then she shook her head. "Okay, so when should we do this?" she asked, against her own will.

"I don't know. We need to arrange a meeting. We need to decide whether to tell our bosses separately or all at once."

Casey groaned. "Can we just do it all at once? I don't want to have the same conversation twice, or to answer the same questions a thousand times. And if we are together when we disclose, then we can better plan what to say. And if our bosses have different questions, we can answer them better together."

"I agree. So the next step is to arrange that meeting. It won't be until sometime next week, and even that is probably too soon. But I will attempt to contact Tucker, and you need to call your boss in the morning, too." Olivia sat up. "Another pressing matter is your pregnancy," she said. "Whether they ask or not, no one knows that you slept with another man before you slept with me. At this point, if we disclose, everyone is going to put the pieces together, and wonder just where the baby came from."

Casey sighed. Put that way, she sounded like a whore. On the one hand, she wanted to tell everyone to shove it, but she also knew she would have to answer truthfully, if asked. The worst they could do was judge her. They had no sanctions over what she did outside of work. "Hopefully they don't ask," she murmured. "I don't much relish the idea of explaining what happened to them."

"And then there is our living situation," Olivia went on. "You have been living with me unofficially, but your bills and your mail still go to your apartment. Your lease is almost up, in less than a month. At that point, you're going to have to decide what you want to do. It doesn't make sense to be married, but live apart."

Casey nodded. "You're right," she answered. "And I've already thought about that, long before you even proposed. I think, as you pointed out, it is easier to let my lease expire and move in with you officially. The only problem is, your apartment is smaller than mine, and there isn't anywhere to keep a baby."

"Then we will get a place together," Olivia replied. "In both of our names. How does that sound?"

Again, Casey's head started to spin. Who knew so many things could happen at once, all because of one little question? She hadn't assumed that they would never disclose, per se. But she hadn't expected the issue to arise so soon. At the same time, it was probably best that everything coincided at once. It made it easier to get everything taken care of comfortably, and to make sure their marriage started off on the right foot. "That sounds great," she sounded out. "But we shouldn't do anything until my lease expires, and we have disclosed. The last thing we need is IAB breathing down your neck about an apartment you share with an attorney, and wondering why you didn't tell them. Those guys are like sharks, smelling the tiniest drop of blood in the water and swarming their prey." Casey bit her lip again. "This is all moving so fast," she added quietly.

Olivia nodded. "I know. Are you feeling overwhelmed? If this isn't what you want, maybe we should slow down."

Casey shook her head. "No, it's okay. I'm just trying to process everything at once: becoming a wife, becoming a mother, shopping for a new house...it's all happening at the same time, and it's quite overwhelming." Then she smiled. "But it's also amazing, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. But are you sure this is what you want? I hope you are not doing this simply because you feel pressured."

"No one pressures me into anything I don't want to do, Casey," Olivia answered firmly. "No. I am asking this of you because I am tired of waiting. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone, and I want you to be mine. By that same token, are you just accepting because you feel pressured?"

"I just said no," Casey answered automatically. But she knew in her heart that she meant it. She wasn't one to agree to things she didn't want to do. She kissed Olivia passionately, moaning softly as Olivia tangled her fingers in her long scarlet hair. As they pulled apart, their gazes meeting, Casey smiled softly, almost wistfully. "Just imagine it," she murmured.

"Imagine what?" Olivia asked.

"Imagine how it would sound," Casey answered cryptically. "Casey Benson. Hmm. I could get used to that. It sounds so natural, so perfect."

Olivia smirked. "Yes, yes it does," she agreed. "Just imagine yourself as my beautiful wife," she added. "Casey, I love you very much, and I am so happy to be embarking on a lifetime with you."

"Shh, don't say that," Casey whispered. "Half of all marriages start that way, then they end." It was rather disconcerting to think that nearly half of all marriages in the United States ended in divorce. It was for that reason that Casey never entered into anything she wasn't fully ready for, because she refused to become a statistic. She didn't want to be a woman who would get married half a dozen times. She wanted her first marriage to be her only one, and she didn't care how old fashioned it sounded.

"Not ours," Olivia promised, breaking Casey from her thoughts. She threw her legs over the edge of the bed and stood up. "What do you say we go out for a celebratory engagement date night?"

"Isn't that a bit redundant?" Casey asked, smirking. But she stood up, too, and walked over to where Olivia stood. "I say...hmm..yes!"

"Don't you ever shut up?" Olivia purred, pulling her closer and kissing her passionately.

 **Author's note: Thanks again for reading. Let me know if you would all rather see a detailed love scene or not. I look forward to reading your thoughts.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's note: I am so sorry for the long break since the last update. I have been insanely busy, and I also lost my muse for a bit. I do not like updating merely for the sake of updating. I wanted this chapter, and all others, to be perfect. Thank you for the awesome reviews, and the continued support of this story. There is much more to come, and I promise the worst is out of the way. Let me know what you think of this next chapter. Warning: It will contain mature content. Thanks for reading.**

Casey sat across from Olivia, staring blankly at her menu. She wanted to pick something quickly, but every time she tried to imagine herself eating anything, the butterflies in her stomach swirled, reminding her that she couldn't eat if she wanted to. As it was, she had barely had a few sips of water and a couple nibbles on her breadstick. Olivia, on the other hand, had already finished her salad, and was on her second bread stick. Casey wondered sometimes how the older woman maintained such an athletic body when she was always hungry.

"You alright over there?" Olivia asked.

"Hmm?" Casey's gaze shot up, and when she saw the half smirk, half concerned look on Olivia's face, she rolled her eyes. "Yes, I'm fine," she answered. "Just happy. So happy that everything on this menu looks incredible."

"I think that's just your hormones talking," Olivia answered. "But hey, at least I won't be the only one eating more than a few slices of bacon and some orange juice anymore."

Casey shrugged. She knew Olivia was only teasing, but it also made her feel a little self conscious. She had developed a bit of a complex over the years about eating in front of people. It was partially due to her mother when she was little. Her mother had once remarked that it was rude to eat when someone else wasn't, when Casey had thanked her for taking her out to dinner, as if implying that she was only feeding her because she had to. Something about those words had evolved into a complex for Casey, who hadn't been able to really eat in front of people since then. And when she did, she was often clumsy, and spilled things, which made her feel even worse.

As if sensing her thoughts, Olivia reached across the table and gently took Casey's left hand in hers, her fingers grazing the ring that now rested upon the younger woman's finger. "Hey, nothing you do could ever make me stop loving you. But you need to eat more than a few crumbs of bread. You know that this is your favorite restaurant. Who else makes lobster bisque so perfectly?"

Casey smiled softly, knowing how right Olivia was. And, truthfully, she had been craving lobster for several days. She knew it was why Olivia had brought her here, and she truly appreciated the effort. "Okay," she murmured, closing the menu and placing it on top of Olivia's.

Olivia smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too," Casey answered, just as their server approached. Her nametag read Elodie, and her black hair was pulled into a bun that had to have hurt her head.

"Are you ladies ready to order?" she asked. Casey noticed that she didn't remove her book and pen from her apron, as most servers would. She knew that many restaurants were instructing their waitresses to try to memorize the orders now. Supposedly, it increased the tips one received if they could memorize page after page of complicated dinner orders. Casey, personally, didn't care either way. She just wanted her food to come out the way she ordered it.

Olivia cleared her throat quietly. "Casey, do you want to go first?"

Casey smiled softly, loving the older woman's chivalry. "Sure," she answered. She shifted in her seat to better face the waitress. "I'd like to start with some unsweet tea with lemon, please. As for my dinner, I would like to order the lobster bisque, but can you make sure it comes easy on the onions, and with absolutely no sherry?" It would taste different, for sure, but she wouldn't dream of having a drop to drink while she was pregnant.

Elodie smiled, nodding. She looked like a deranged Barbie doll, and Casey wondered if her cheeks ever hurt from smiling so widely. She turned to Olivia. "And for you, Ma'am?"

Olivia returned the smile, albeit a bit tersely. "I'm just going to have the roast chicken dinner, please. How it comes is fine. I'm not picky."

"Will that be all?"

"Yes," Casey and Olivia answered simultaneously. As their server smiled once more and took their menus, promising to be back with their food, Casey's tea, and a refill of Olivia's wine shortly, Casey looked at her girlfriend. "This place really does have the best lobster bisque in the city," she confessed.

Olivia nodded. "I know. That's why we came here," she replied. She brushed her fingers gently across Casey's ring. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm floating," Casey murmured. She smiled, returning the gentle hand squeeze Olivia gave her. "Really, Olivia, I'm great. I feel completely normal tonight. I feel..blissful, in love, wanted...I can go on, but I would eventually run out of adjectives once I hit the end of the thesaurus." She sighed happily, taking another small sip of her water. She carefully avoided smearing her lipstick. It was unsightly, and embarrassing.

"Good," Olivia answered. She returned the smile. "Well, we have a lot to plan for, and much to do. But for now, what do you say we enjoy our dinner, and our night as a couple? Let's just be...us."

Casey smiled. "I think that sounds perfect," she replied.

Hours later, Casey waited as Olivia unlocked the front door of the apartment. Casey knew it would be much more practical to move in with Olivia officially, once they disclosed, but she would be lying if she tried to convince herself that she wouldn't miss her own apartment, even a little. So much had happened there, but it had also been her home for over a decade, and she couldn't imagine not falling asleep to the same walls, the same furniture. She couldn't visualize someone else's name on the lease.

But then she glanced at Olivia, and her emotions swirled within her all over again. It was as if someone had flipped a switch in her mind, and she suddenly couldn't imagine her home as being anywhere other than with her best friend, the woman she loved more than she had ever loved anyone. Love truly was a crazy coaster ride.

As they entered the apartment, Olivia shut the door behind them and smiled, wrapping her arms around Casey's waist, pulling her in for a passionate kiss. Casey moaned softly into the older woman's mouth, threading her fingers in Olivia's soft chestnut hair. "I love you," she half moaned against Olivia's lips.

"I love you too," Olivia whispered, gently pulling back. She brushed a stray scarlet curl out of Casey's eyes, smiling. "Are you sure?" she questioned. Casey had informed her earlier that she wanted to celebrate their engagement like any other couple would.

Casey nodded without even thinking about it. She had already invested too much energy into thinking about it. "I'm sure," she whispered.

Olivia smiled, taking the younger woman's hand and leading her into the bedroom. She pushed Casey against the wall, somehow managing to kiss her and unzip her dress at the same time. It was such an elegant, passionate, and simple move that Casey had never experienced before, and had thought was only possible in movies. Once Casey was down to nothing but the lingerie she had bought specifically for tonight, Olivia led her to the bed, gently pushing her onto her back.

The older woman unbuttoned her own blouse and slacks, and easily slid out of them, before dropping them to the floor. Casey, normally a bit of a neat freak, didn't even care at the moment. As they resumed their passionate kiss, Casey tangled her legs around Olivia's waist, noticing that the older woman was wearing a simple pair of silk boxers and little else. She tried not to stare at Olivia's abs, or at her ample cleavage.

Olivia kissed a line down Casey's neck, and growled softly in her ear. "I love you, Casey Novak," she whispered.

"I love you, too, Olivia Benson," Casey purred. She closed her eyes, throwing her head back as Olivia continued to kiss along her neckline. Olivia easily separated her from what little clothing she still had on, but instead of feeling naked and exposed, Casey only felt more in love with the beautiful older woman.

Olivia trailed her fingers across Casey's naked skin, smiling as Casey shivered and squirmed beneath her. Casey could feel the goosebumps rise on her skin from the mere feeling of her girlfriend's fingers on every inch of her body. Olivia paused in her efforts, meeting Casey's gaze for a moment, then gently kissing each of the younger woman's nipples, which had, embarrassingly, already hardened against the welcome assault.

Olivia smirked. "Well, isn't someone happy to see me?" Before Casey could respond, the brunette gently pushed the younger woman's thighs apart, brushing her fingers between them. Casey sucked in a breath, hoping Olivia didn't notice just how badly she needed her, and just how painfully her desire had been burning throughout the entire night. But Olivia just smirked again, saying nothing, but brushing her fingertips between Casey's legs, coating them in the younger woman's wetness. Casey squirmed uncomfortably. "Is there a problem?" Olivia questioned, bringing her fingers to her lips.

Casey almost screamed as Olivia sucked her fingers clean. "No..no problem," she eked out, too keyed up to be embarrassed by the pleading tone in her own voice.

"How about now?" Olivia whispered, her voice barely above a husky whisper. Without warning, she buried two fingers into Casey, her thumb circling the younger woman's clit. Casey let out a little whimper, moaning beneath her. Olivia watched as her nails raked against the sheets, her fingers grasping at the comforter. Olivia continued her torture, not missing a beat as she positioned herself above the redhead, kissing her passionately. "Have I ever told you how much I love you?" the sergeant whispered, her voice husky with desire and lust.

Casey nodded weakly, arching her body with a gasp as Olivia entered another finger inside of her. God, at this rate, she wasn't going to last long at all. "Y-yes," she managed, her voice a needy moan.

"Have I ever told you...how beautiful you are?" Olivia growled, biting the base of Casey's throat, purring in response to the attorney's moan. She massaged Casey's clit, her long fingers curling inside of her, her teeth grazing Casey's neck, then her shoulder, then each of her breasts in turn. "Come on, baby. I know you want me," the brunette whispered as Casey arched her body into her, digging her nails sharply into the sheets in an effort not to cry out.

Casey wanted to fight, but after only a few minutes, she was reduced to writhing upon the bed, whimpering Olivia's name, moaning every expletive she knew, and crying for more. Olivia responded by yanking her fingers out of her and positioning herself at the end of the bed. Pushing Casey's legs further apart, the brunette buried her tongue inside of her, her soft growls sending almost painful vibrations throughout Casey's body.

Without warning, Olivia nipped at Casey's painfully swollen clit, sending the attorney screaming over the edge. She came hard, yanking at Olivia's hair, her nails digging sharply into the older woman's back. By the time she had collapsed with a little whimper upon the bed, unable to formulate a single thought, she was too worked up to be embarrassed that Olivia had driven her over the edge so easily.

Olivia laid down beside her, licking her lips carefully. "Hmm. I knew I was good, but not that good."

Casey groaned weakly, managing to smack her gently with a pillow. "Fuck you, Olivia," she whispered.

"Oh yes, there will be lots of that going around tonight," Olivia answered. Casey could practically feel her smirking in the darkness. "Lots of that, indeed..."


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: Hey, everyone. Thank you for the awesome reviews. I did have the next few chapters written out and ready to post, but I decided to change them up a bit, given the content in your reviews. If there is anything you would like to see happen, just let me know, and I will do my best to incorporate it into the story. Thank you for reading. I look forward to reading your thoughts on this next chapter. Warning: Mature content ahead.**

Casey was resting in bed when Olivia returned to the bedroom, a giant bowl of strawberries and a huge can of whipped cream balanced precariously in her arms. The brunette smiled and laid the items on the bed, sitting beside the younger woman. "Hey, you," she murmured, gently kissing Casey on the lips.

Casey smiled in return, almost sleepily. "Hey," she murmured, her beautiful emerald gaze illuminated with lust and just a hint of satisfaction. "You were gone a long time," she added, gesturing to the bowl of strawberries.

"Not really," Olivia answered, running her fingers through Casey's hair. "It just seemed that way because every minute without me feels like twenty to you." She smirked.

"Shut up," Casey answered, though she, too, was smiling. She helped herself to a strawberry, though avoided the whipped cream. She was a very picky eater. She hated things most people enjoyed, such as whipped cream, apple pie, and, depending on her mood, hot dogs, though sometimes there were those random cravings.

Olivia watched intently as Casey bit into the strawberry, feeling her arousal curl within her. She didn't know whether or not Casey had intended the act to be so..sexy, but regardless of her intent, it was working. Olivia smiled. "So. How are you feeling?"

Casey finished the small bite of her strawberry. "In which regard?" she questioned, though her smirk betrayed the fact that she knew exactly what Olivia meant.

Olivia, however, decided to play along. "In which regard?" she repeated thoughtfully. "Hmm. That's a tough one. Did I mean how are you feeling emotionally, riding the high of every orgasm I can give you, practically just by looking at you? Or did I mean physically, with every inch of you screaming for my touch?" She pulled back, meeting Casey's gaze. "So you tell me, Counselor. Which way did I mean?"

Casey blushed, saying nothing. Olivia could practically see the gears turning in the attorney's head, trying to formulate a coherent response. Finally, Casey mumbled "Come on, Olivia. That's not fair."

"Fair?" Olivia grinned. "It's not my job to be fair. I have to constantly know who is lying to me, or who is hiding parts of the truth. I can't be lenient, sweetheart. Otherwise, my squad would fall apart." She knew how much Casey loved their legal banter in bed. If she were to be completely honest with herself, she loved it, too. Maybe even more-so. The brunette retrieved another strawberry and gently held it to Casey's lips. "Eat," she instructed quietly.

Casey smirked. "No," she answered, folding her arms across her naked chest. "I already enjoyed my quota for the day. Thank you, though. They are, admittedly, rather delicious."

Olivia straddled her, the strawberry never wavering in its position against Casey's lips. "Are you sassing me?" she growled. "Counselor, need I remind you of the dangers of insubordination? Don't make me detain you. I am generously giving you a chance, here. Most people would be grateful for such an opportunity."

Casey shrugged. "Most people would," she conceded. "But I'm not most people. I'm not going to acquiesce to your request, because I have little reason to do. And since we are on the topic of poor behavior, you, yourself, are guilty of solicitation of an officer of the court and attempted bribery." She smirked.

"Perhaps," Olivia answered, finding it more and more difficult to maintain her composure. With each passing second, her gaze was more and more preoccupied with Casey's beautiful naked skin. Casey was holding the covers over most of her body, but her chest was exposed, albeit hidden beneath her arms, which were crossed over it. Olivia was desperately fighting the urge to rip the covers off of her and have her way with her.

No, she reminded herself. This was different. Casey wasn't like most women she slept with. They had already established that much. Old habits died hard, as they said, but Olivia was determined to continue to show her just how different she really was. Having her way with her, in the way she was accustomed to doing with other women, was too...animalistic, too rough for the woman she truly thought of as her soul mate.

"Olivia?" Casey asked, yanking the brunette from her revelry. "Babe, are you okay?"

Olivia bit her lip, her surroundings rushing back to her, her mind snapped from its imagination. "I'm fine," she whispered.

"What are you thinking about?" Casey asked. As Olivia looked down at her, all she could see was the burning anticipation. It practically radiated from Casey's body.

"Nothing," Olivia murmured. She really didn't want to go into it. What would she say? "I was just thinking about how much I want to rip your clothes off and fuck you into next week, but I'm trying not to think about you like that?" No matter how she would explain it, some part of it would sound wrong, and she wasn't going to go there.

Casey opened her mouth to say something else, but quickly closed it. "Okay," she murmured, though it was clear she didn't believe Olivia. She smiled, quickly changing the subject as she finished the strawberry Olivia was still holding. "These are the best strawberries in the city," she stated. "I have never bought them from anywhere else, because these are the plumpest and juiciest ones I've ever tasted."

Olivia fought back a growl. God. She was acting like some horny jerk who couldn't think of anything but sex. The words juicy and plump echoed through her mind . Casey was lying beneath her, beautiful, naked, and satisfied. She didn't want to think of those words in a sexual way, but how could she not?

She must have sighed out loud, because she felt Casey shift beneath her. "Olivia, what's going on?" she asked, threading her fingers through the older woman's soft brown hair and meeting her gaze. "Please talk to me? Don't tell me nothing is wrong. Please. Don't treat me like I'm stupid. Did I do something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Olivia sat back, stunned that Casey could even think that. "No, of course not. You didn't do anything! It's..." She sighed deeply, sitting on the bed, propping herself up against the pillows. "It's complicated," she murmured.

"I like complicated," Casey answered, rolling onto her side to face the older woman.

Olivia fell silent, a million phrases rushing through her mind. She didn't know how to say what she was thinking in a way that didn't make her sound like some crazy sex hound, or make Casey run screaming in the other direction. "Casey, this is all very new for me," she began finally. "I'm not used to this. I'm not used to the teasing or the banter or the warm glow after amazing sex. I'm used to getting drunk, meeting some random woman, and kicking her out of my apartment immediately afterwards. Foreplay with those women has always been simple: we tease each other with words that have double meanings, we go back to my place and fuck, and they leave. And then I never see them again."

She hesitated before continuing. "But with you, my heart wants more, but my brain cannot seem to grasp how different I want you to be. My heart is full of love and desire, rather than pure lust. But my brain is still in casual mode. Everything you say seems to have a double meaning, and my brain instantly enters sex mode. I keep being overcome with this desire to have sex with you like I do with all of them...but then I don't want to..and then I do." Olivia sighed. "The bottom line is, I'm not used to this, whatever it is. I'm not used to.." She trailed off, unable to find a decent word that could fit her emotions.

Casey smiled softly, climbing up beside her and kissing the older woman's temple. "Olivia, why didn't you just tell me that?" she asked quietly. "You're not used to love. You know as well as I do that it's the word you cannot find. Did you think I would be offended if you told me you can't stop thinking about me sexually?" She smirked. "How can you not? I'm sitting here, beneath you, and we're both naked. Thinking of me sexually is kind of a given. And, in terms of the words you keep twisting into sexual meanings..." Casey purred into Olivia's ear, "Who says I didn't mean them that way?"

That was practically more than Olivia could handle. God, Casey drove her nuts, but in the best possible way. She opened her mouth to say something, but the confession died on her lips. "Casey, how can you not be angry with me?" she questioned. "I don't merely think of you sexually when you're underneath me. It's more often than I would prefer. I'm starting to feel like a sex addict."

"It's different," Casey murmured. "We've spent years wanting each other, so when the desires did come out, your brain probably couldn't help but think otherwise. And now, sure, we've been together for awhile, but it's still new for both of us. Me because I've never been with a woman and you because you've been with too many women, and because we are still in that honeymoon stage, where everything is sexual and happy. Besides." She folded her arms across her chest again, smiling. "I really don't mind that you think of me like that, because it means you're thinking of me at all, and that you find me desirable. Olivia, if you only wanted me for sex, I would be hurt and irritated, but you put a ring on my finger and asked me to spend forever with you. You did that knowing that we're going to have some sexual moments and some nonsexual moments. So I really don't care if you're imagining me naked when I'm trying to interview you in court or hand you a search warrant."

Olivia smiled, all of her worries floating away. "Come here," she murmured, opening her arms and smiling as Casey snuggled into them and laid her head upon her chest. Olivia wrapped her arms around her tightly, kissing the top of the younger woman's head.

Casey's next question practically steamrolled her rational thought process. "So, tell me, Sergeant, how many times have you lain awake at night, touching yourself while you thought about me?"

Olivia's fingers stopped dead upon Casey's body, halted in their tracks as they caressed the younger woman's skin. She swallowed the baseball sized lump in her throat and finally managed to find her answer. "Wouldn't you like to know?" she growled, determined to regain the upper hand somehow.

Casey shrugged. "I was merely wondering," she murmured, "...because I've done it, too."

"Jesus, Casey," Olivia hissed. Forget thinking of her sexually on occasion. Casey was making it difficult to think of anything but. But then, she looked down at Casey, at her smirk, her darkened emerald gaze, and the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. "Oh, so I tell you I can't stop thinking about how much I want to fuck you, and you do everything in your power to make that desire even worse? Are you trying to get punished?"

Casey smirked. "No, I would never do such a thing," she replied. "Never. Never, ever, ever."

In one swift move, Olivia had her pinned, her body resting on top of the younger woman. "Have it your way, then," she growled, leaning down and sinking her teeth into the attorney's smooth alabaster neck.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's note: Wow. I'm used to waking up to at least five reviews, but the review count on this story skyrocketed, and took me quite a bit of time to read through all of the new ones. This is a direct message for those of you who, according to your reviews, are treating this story like a book club, and reviewed all at the same time, while reading the story together. I definitely wasn't expecting that, so thank you. And thank you to everyone else, including those who have been there from day one, those who just joined, etc. This story has a long way to go, and it may even have a sequel. I haven't yet decided. But thank you to everyone who has shown in interest in this fic and in my writing in general. I appreciate every hit, every view, and especially every review. So thank you. :) I look forward to seeing what everyone thinks of this next chapter.**

Casey rolled onto her back, closing her eyes and allowing her mind to reflect on everything that had just happened. Assuring Olivia that she didn't need to hide her aggression, and informing her that she did, in fact, find it rather sexy, turned out to be one of the best things she could have ever said. There was only one word to describe Olivia's passion: primal. "Olivia, how, exactly, am I supposed to go to court like this in the morning?" Casey asked.

Olivia popped her head out of the bathroom. She had shut the door and wouldn't let Casey in. Casey could only imagine what she was doing in there, given that Olivia had only informed her that "It was a special surprise." Whatever that meant. Now, the brunette smiled. "Like what, beautiful?"

Casey folded her arms across her chest. "Oh, I don't know. I just have a few visible bite marks on me that no amount of makeup can hide, and I'll be lucky if I can walk a straight line. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just a normal day..."

Olivia turned the light off in the bathroom and closed the door gently behind her. Casey tried to sit up to see what her surprise was, but Olivia had blocked her view. Casey was beginning to wonder if she was building something in there, or repainting the walls. With Olivia, who knew what was going on? But Olivia didn't allow her much more time to contemplate the issue. The brunette sat on the edge of the bed beside the younger woman. "You can explain it quite easily," she whispered.

"Oh?" Casey questioned, tracing her fingertips across Olivia's naturally tanned skin. Casey had never seen the appeal of fake tanning, but Olivia's skin was naturally gorgeous, and Casey had always found it rather sexy. "And what might that be?"

Olivia smirked. "See, if the judge happens to question anything, you have a bulletproof answer. All you need to do is stand up, walk over to the bench, and stand right in front of that judge. Then you begin." She gently pinched Casey's naturally pale skin. "Your Honor," she began, "I can't quite explain why I am having such a hard time walking, or why my skin is so oddly marked. I can only confess that I spent my night with Sergeant Olivia Benson, and I was so disrespectful to her that she just had to have her way with me. As you can see, things got a little rough. But I'll manage. I promise."

"Olivia!" Casey exclaimed, half mortified, half amused. "There are so many things wrong with that admission. And for the record, I was not disrespectful to you."

"Oh, really?" Olivia folded her arms across her chest. "Let's review, shall we? When I asked you if you were enjoying yourself, you shook your head and told me no, you weren't. Meanwhile, your legs were tightening around my waist and you were practically moaning the words. I told you not to lie to an officer. You, of all people, should know what sort of punishment that warrants."

Casey shrugged. "I don't lie," she stated calmly, though she kicked herself mentally for the tiny waver in her voice. "I wasn't enjoying myself. I was lost in thought about the Madison trial next week."

Olivia chuckled. "You and I both know that that is the worst excuse you have ever come up with," she murmured. Not giving Casey a chance to argue, the brunette moved the sheet away from Casey's naked body, running her hands down Casey's naked thighs. "Are you still thinking about that trial?" she questioned. "Planning your opening statement, are we?"

Casey let out the tiniest hint of a whimper, her breath catching in her throat. How in the hell was she supposed to playfully fight back if her body betrayed her true feelings? "I..." She trailed off, unable to finish her sentence properly. She didn't even know what to say. She wanted to fight it, but her body was hellbent on revealing her true feelings, and the fact that her girlfriend's fingers were mere inches from her aching center was only complicating the matter. "I am planning my statement," she finally eked out.

"Recite it to me, sweetheart. Run it by me, and I'll tell you what I think about it." Olivia gently pried Casey's thighs apart, pressing her fingertips against the younger woman's core.

"Um." Casey swallowed hard, finding it more and more difficult to think with each passing second. This wasn't fair. This really wasn't fair. Olivia was a sexual goddess posing as a cop, and it was torture just being near her. Forget being touched by her. "I haven't yet started it," she admitted quietly. "But..you can be sure that you will be the first person I recite it to."

"I better be," Olivia growled. With her free hand, she walked her fingers up Casey's body, then cupped the redhead's left breast. She pinched the redhead's nipple gently, if possessively. "Has anyone ever told you that you drive me crazy?"

"Only a thousand times," Casey half moaned, her body arching from the bed before she could stop herself. Olivia's finger was resting at her opening. It was almost cruel. Casey could practically feel the older woman's patience, her infuriating ability to wait. And then she realized just what Olivia wanted. "You want me to beg for your touch," she said out loud, realizing it as she said it.

Olivia squeezed her breast again, massaging it expertly. "I never said that," she whispered. "But it wouldn't hurt," she husked in Casey's ear. She took Casey's earlobe between her teeth, nipping at it. Casey let out a startled cry.

"Well, I'm not going to," Casey answered defiantly. "I'm not going to melt just because you happen to be a good lover. What kind of girl do you take me for?"

"You're not going to beg me?" Olivia questioned.

"Nope."

"Really?" Olivia pushed Casey's legs even farther apart. "You know, Counselor, defiance is an interesting thing. It has been my experience that this sort of insubordination usually comes from those who are most easily broken. Did you know that?" When Casey didn't answer, the brunette smirked, running her index finger along Casey's center and up to her clit, which was, to Casey's embarrassment and frustration, already painfully swollen. "See, I know how to break someone down. I know how to question a girl like you." Without waiting for an answer, she slid to the foot of the bed, positioning herself between Casey's legs and taking the younger woman's swollen clit into her mouth.

Casey gasped, arching her body against her. She reached to tangle her fingers in Olivia's hair, but managed to grab on to the sheets instead. Olivia's name died on her lips. She wasn't going to give in that easily.

Olivia seemed to sense her dilemma, because Casey could feel her smirking against her. The older woman nipped at Casey's clit, circling her tongue against it. The combined pressure and motion elicited the tiniest moan from the redhead above her. "What was what?" Olivia purred, blowing into her. The finger that had calmly been resting against the attorney's core suddenly plunged into her.

Feeling Olivia growl against her, Casey knew it was because of how wet she already was. She had never been one who liked to have tons of sex. But then, she had never enjoyed it enough to want to do it that much. No man she had ever been with had ever made her feel like this: unhindered, loved, even crazy, but in the hottest possible way. Casey bit her lip, yanking at the sheets and throwing her head back, desperate to avoid giving Olivia what she wanted.

Meanwhile, Olivia's tongue continued to circle her clit, which, by now, was engorged nearly to the point of being painful. She easily penetrated her with another finger, and Casey gasped at the feeling of Olivia's fingers curling towards her inner walls. She managed to keep her composure for several more minutes, but then, something broke within her. Olivia's fingers curled forward one last time just as she sank her teeth into Casey's clit, and the redhead crashed over the edge, all composure erased. She heard her own cries of ecstasy, her pleas for Olivia to continue, her screams of the older woman's name as she came several times into her girlfriend's mouth.

Finally, exhausted, the redhead collapsed on the bed, panting heavily. "Jesus, Olivia," she whispered, her breath lost in her throat. Whether or not she had said it out loud, she didn't know. Olivia had truly broken her down.

She shuddered at the feeling of Olivia's tongue running up and down her center. As she finished, the brunette laid down beside her, smiling. "Anything else to say, Counselor?" she whispered, brushing a stray lock of scarlet hair out of Casey's eyes.

"The People rest," Casey managed weakly. Then she turned her head to look at Olivia, and they started laughing. It was the kind of laughter that left both of them unable to speak, or breathe, or even think. Finally, they fell silent, Olivia's fingertips tracing tiny circles on Casey's bare skin. Casey exhaled slowly, her breath slowly returning to her. "That was amazing," she whispered.

Olivia smiled. "You were amazing," she answered, kissing Casey's nose. "But I'm not done yet. I wanted to try something, if you're up for it. If you're not, just tell me, and I will stop. You know that I would never do anything to make you uncomfortable."

Casey nodded. "I know," she answered, her curiosity piqued. "So what is it that you want to do?" They had already discussed their limits in bed, with Casey firmly informing Olivia of the one thing she would never do in the bedroom. Olivia, of course, had been more than understanding, and had promised they would never do that. But that only enhanced Casey's curiosity as to just what Olivia was planning. "Olivia, please tell me?" she asked, pouting.

"You'll see." Olivia once more stood up and locked herself in the bathroom. Casey saw the light go on through the crack under the door, but it shut off after a few moments. Slowly, the doorknob turned, and Olivia stepped out. She was completely naked, but Casey felt her heart leap into her throat. Olivia was totally naked, except for the harness around her waist. Well, at least that answered the question as to what the hell she had been doing in there.

 **Author's note: Thank you for reading. I decided to stop this chapter here, out of curiosity of whether you would all like to see the next chapter merely hint at what they did, or see it actually play out. Please be assured that this story is not turning into a sex story. It's merely this section of chapters. Let me know what you would prefer to see. Thanks for reading, and for all of your continued support.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Author's note: Thank you, everyone, for the awesome reviews. I know I have said it before, but this is one of my favorite stories of the ones I have written, and I do promise that it will never be abandoned or neglected. I am happy with where it is and the direction in which it is heading, so it will be here for the long haul, just like me. Thank you for all of your time and awesome thoughts. Anytime you have a question or idea, or just want to say something, feel free to do. I appreciate any and all feedback. Thank you for reading, and I look forward to reading what everyone thinks of this next chapter. This scene took a lot of thought to balance the various reviews I received, and I hope everyone is happy. Let me know what you think. Please enjoy.**

Casey was unable to formulate enough words for a proper sentence, or at least, not one that sounded coherent enough to convey what she was truly feeling. Truthfully, she didn't even know what she was feeling. Shock, of course. It wasn't that she had never seen a sex toy before. She had never had one used on her, but she wasn't naiive, by any means. She was also nervous, for reasons beyond the obvious ones. Obviously, she had had sex with men before, so how different could this be? But that didn't stop her from wondering if it felt the same, and how Olivia would know whether she was hurting her if she couldn't feel it.

But she was also nervous because of everything that had happened in the past several months. She wasn't sure if she was ready to feel anything that resembled being with a man, given what had happened to her. She had convinced herself that she was better, but her attack would always be in the back of her mind, even in her happiest moments. She would always have to think about it, for the rest of her life. Did it really help to do things that forced her to think about it?

"Casey, honey, are you okay?" Olivia sat on the bed, covering herself with a blanket as if sensing Casey's discomfort.

"Yeah," Casey answered quietly, finally finding her voice. "I'm fine," she lied.

Olivia gently ran her fingers through Casey's hair. "What's on that beautiful mind of yours?" she asked. "Are you upset?"

"No, I'm not upset," Casey replied. She sighed, shifting on the bed and covering herself up with the comforter. She suddenly felt incredibly naked and exposed. "Well, maybe I'm a little upset. I don't know if that's the right word. I'm...discombobulated." She took a deep breath, exhaling sharply. "I'm just confused," she added.

"Confused?" Olivia kissed the top of Casey's head, reaching into the bowl of strawberries, which was now resting on the nightstand beside the bed, and offering one to Casey. As the redhead took it and began to nibble on it, Olivia sighed softly. "It's because of the toy, isn't it?" she questioned. "I knew it was too soon."

"No!" Casey interjected quickly. Too quickly. She could practically feel Olivia's suspicion burrowing into her. "Not just the toy," she qualified. She sighed, an uncomfortable silence settling over them. Finally, Casey turned so she could face Olivia. "It's not about the toy. It's really not. It's just...it's what it represents. I mean, it's one thing to have sex with a man. They can feel how deep they are going, or whether they are hurting someone. How do you control the toy? You can't feel how deep it is going, can you? It's an inanimate object, and you have little control over it."

Olivia shook her head. "It's not like that," the brunette assured her. "It may be an issue for someone who has never used one before and does not know what they are doing, but not for me. I know what I'm doing, Casey. I'm not a novice."

"I know," Casey mumbled, feeling her exasperation levels rise. "But how do you control it?"

"Very carefully," Olivia answered. "Casey, I would never hurt you. You know that, don't you?"

Casey nodded. "I know," she answered. And if she was being completely honest with herself, her questions were just an excuse for what she was really feeling, but she didn't know how to voice those worries out loud. She didn't want Olivia to think she didn't want her, or worse: that she didn't trust her. She sighed, sitting up and propping herself up against her pillows on the bed. "Olivia, I don't know what to do," she confessed finally. "I know it's not a man, but I look at it, and I..I keep trying to tell myself it's not a man, but I also can't help it. It was obviously modeled off of one, and it represents one. What if I start thinking about the past? What if I'm not better? What if everything falls apart again?"

Olivia was silent for a long time. When she finally answered, her words couldn't have been more comforting. "Honey, it's not a man," she answered. "Just because it looks like a man and maybe serves the same function doesn't mean it is. It's not about the toy itself. It's about the person controlling it, which, in this case, would be me. I've been called a lot of things over the years, but no one has called me a man..not yet anyway."

"Very funny," Casey murmured, managing to crack a smile.

Olivia nodded, and Casey didn't have to look to know that she was smiling, too. "You have to understand the difference between a real man and a piece of rubber. Some people may use it because they hope to emulate a man, but there is so much more to it. There's so much to enjoy, and so much to get from it. But I would never do anything to hurt you, physically or otherwise. And I'm not going to ask you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. I'll put it away, alright? I shouldn't have even brought it out. I knew you weren't ready."

Casey opened her mouth to speak as Olivia stood up, but no words came out. A thousand thoughts rushed through her brain at an almost painful speed. Each thought collided with all of the others, until her brain felt like a convoluted scramble of electrodes and neurons. "Olivia," she said quietly, reaching out and taking Olivia's hand once Olivia was within an accessible distance on her way to the bathroom.

"What, baby?" Olivia asked, looking down at her.

"I want to try it," Casey murmured, realizing as she said it, just how true it was. She was tired of being a victim, tired of people treating her like one. She was tired of people avoiding certain words or actions around her, for fear that she was too delicate and would fall apart. She was tired of her past infringing on her present and future, tired of letting two men she didn't know run her life.

"Casey, no. I don't want you to feel like you have to do something just to make me happy. You make me happy just by being you. I love you. I only want you to be happy."

Casey nodded. "I know," she answered. "But what you said made sense. I wouldn't be having sex with a man and finding similarities in their aftershave or facial hair to those bastards. I would be having sex with my beautiful girlfriend, the woman I love with everything I have, and you made me realize that it's not the same. A physical similarity is not the same. I don't look at a man on the street and think about the past. And it certainly won't feel the same. Therefore, I think I will be alright."

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, sitting beside her. Casey moved her feet so Olivia could sit down comfortably. "I don't want you to get hurt, sweetie. I want you to be comfortable."

"I will be," Casey assured her, smiling. She reached for Olivia's hand again. "I was worried about those things, of course, but you made me realize how misplaced my concerns were. They say if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...but this is different, isn't it? It's an extension of you, not of a man, and I trust you. I trust you with anything. I know that you wouldn't try anything if it would hurt me." Casey knew she was rambling, which was odd for her, but she didn't care. She had a thousand emotions swirling in her mind at once, and they were all fighting for exposure. And she fully trusted Olivia, of course, and wanted to assure her that she wasn't changing her mind to make Olivia happy, but to make herself happy.

"Okay," Olivia said slowly. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure," Casey murmured.

Olivia gently climbed on top of her, kissing the younger woman softly. "If you want me to stop at any time, all you have to do is say so, and I will. And if you do happen to think about..them..we will stop. Okay?"

Casey nodded. "Okay," she agreed. She had never been with anyone as understanding and as loving as Olivia was. She looked up, noticing that Olivia was hesitating. "Now you're not sure?" she questioned. "Wow, we make a great couple, don't we?"

Olivia shook her head. "I'm not hesitating," she answered. "I...don't want to lose control," she stated. "Casey, I thought I was okay, but now that I'm sitting here, I'm beginning to feel like a criminal with a loaded gun. I've gotten rough so many times...I'll never forgive myself if I hurt you like that."

Casey wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck, meeting the older woman's beautiful chocolate brown gaze. "You just told me to tell you if it hurts at all," she murmured. "I'm not worried that you will hurt me at all, so you shouldn't be, either. I don't care what happened in your past, Olivia. I don't care how rough you were with your past lovers or how often you lost control, as you put it. I trust you not to do that with me. I trust you to treat me differently. I trust you to treat me like your lover, rather than your human sex toy. I love you, Olivia. If you can see that, then you can understand why you won't hurt me."

Olivia smiled. "I love you too," she replied, kissing the younger woman gently. "And if you trust me that much, then I suppose I should trust myself. But listen to me carefully. If you feel uncomfortable at all, you need to tell me. Tell me right away, and we'll stop."

"I will," Casey promised. "But I won't have to. Because you won't hurt me." She trusted Olivia fully. It was a little disconcerting to see her normally confident, if domineering, girlfriend so...worried. Olivia was clearly doubting herself and her ability to switch from fuck mode to love mode, as it were, but Casey also loved her for it. It was a small crack in the older woman's armor that illuminated just how different Olivia wanted her to be. It meant she loved her, and that, in itself, was a beautiful thing.

Olivia leaned down and kissed her again, pulling her out of her thoughts. Within a few moments later, Casey felt the older woman situating herself on the bed, steadying herself in the best position. Casey closed her eyes, and within seconds, arched her body at the feeling of the toy gently penetrating her. Olivia let out the tiniest groan, and Casey once more reached for her hand, entwining their fingers, her legs tangling around Olivia's waist. And as Olivia made love to her, at no point did she think about her past. This was her present and future, with the woman she loved with everything she had. This was their future together.


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's note: This is going to be a long author's note, so please bear with me. I have a couple of things that I need to clarify in regards to this story. These concerns arose in part due to the content of a review I recently received, which seemed to convey an aura of confusion and distaste. I do appreciate all reviews, good or bad, short or long, etc. However, I will defend a couple of things about this story, which a certain reviewer has already done (so thank you, whoever you are). But I digress. First of all, I did not, at any point, utilize Casey's assault as anything other than an event in the story. Additionally, Casey and Olivia did not jump into bed the day after Casey was assaulted. I noted two major time jumps within the story, but I understand that they may not be memorable. So as a quick note, two months passed between Casey's assault and the initial interrogation, and it has been another two months since then. Thus, Casey and Olivia did not sleep together again until four months after Casey's attack.**

 **And one thing that helped Casey heal was knowing that her baby was** _ **not**_ **fathered by either of her rapists, but by a man she slept with a week before her attack. And Casey and Olivia did discuss their relationship at length, but knowing someone for thirteen years carries a distinctive advantage on that front, as opposed to jumping into bed with a stranger. But, as I said, I appreciate all feedback, so thank you for the continued support on this story. I merely wanted to clarify any confusion some readers may have, and apologize for that confusion. I am very sorry for this huge author's note. Thank you for reading. Please enjoy this next chapter. I look forward to everyone's thoughts.**

Olivia had spent most of the night tossing and turning. Casey was sound asleep beside her. Olivia knew she was stressed about the following day, too, but Casey had spent several nights with very little sleep, and this was, in some ways, her involuntary crash night. Olivia, on the other hand, was accustomed to only getting a couple hours of sleep each night, so it didn't phase her, and it left her unable to sleep.

She could only think about what could go wrong the next day. Two weeks had passed since their passionate night together, and they had agreed on the first Monday of the month to disclose to their bosses. Olivia knew this could go one of two ways. Either their bosses would be accepting and merely warn them not to let their personal lives affect their careers, or, with her luck, one or both of them would order one of them to transfer. Olivia tried to hope for the best, but it was difficult in a world tinted with murder and assault.

Rising early in the morning, Olivia glanced at the clock, noticing that it was only half past five. She quietly crept out of bed, closing the bathroom door silently behind her. Casey had stirred in her arms, but she had immediately rolled over and fallen back to sleep. Olivia showered quickly. She had never understood the need for long showers. For those who spent more than ten minutes in the shower, she thought it unnecessary. How long did it take to wash one's hair and body, and even shave, when needed?

By the time she was dressed, her morning coffee in hand, it was just after six. Olivia walked to the bakery around the corner, which, luckily, was open twenty four hours a day, seven days a week. Olivia paid for Casey's favorite donuts, and a couple of bagels for herself. Returning to the apartment, she placed the bagels and a note next to the coffee pot. After checking on Casey once more, and satisfied that the younger woman was sound asleep, Olivia grabbed her keys and headed out into the morning.

Most of the morning was spent in her office. She had multiple things to deal with, namely her decision on Amanda's pregnancy. Amanda had blindsided her with the news, and Olivia was happy for her. If they were merely coworkers, she would have congratulated her and moved on. But things were different now that she was the boss. She couldn't be everybody's friend. Amanda had begged her not to reveal anything yet, but Olivia knew she was obligated to do so. As a final effort, she drafted an email to Amanda, instructing her to come in the following day for a meeting. Olivia had given her the day off to allow her time to prepare for her mother and sister's arrivals.

Then there was the issue of the numerous press conferences coming up. Olivia hated having to deal with the press. They twisted everything, and every word seemed to have the opposite meaning to a reporter. With their odd number of high profile cases, the press was hounding the sixteenth precinct, which meant Olivia had a thousand questions to field.

And then there was Casey. Olivia leaned back in her chair, sighing as she folded her hands behind her head. According to the clock on her desk, nearly three hours had passed since she had arrived at work. When had that happened? Olivia glared as the minute ticked up to 9:42. Her meeting with Tucker from Internal Affairs and the Chief of Detectives was just over an hour away. She took a deep breath, exhaling sharply. This had to go well.

At eleven AM, Olivia sat across from Lieutenant Tucker and the Chief of Detectives. "Good morning, Sergeant Benson," Tucker began smoothly, folding his hands on the desk. "To what do we owe this spur of the moment meeting? Have one of your detectives done something we need talk about?"

Olivia bit the inside of her lip. Leave it to Tucker to assume that she had only called him because one of her detectives had acted up. She wasn't their mother, and they hadn't done anything in their jobs that she believed warranted punishment. "No, sir," she answered calmly. "I am here regarding a personal matter."

"A personal matter?" Chief Dodds questioned. "That sounds rather disconcerting."

Olivia's nerves were going haywire. She had rehearsed this meeting a million times in her mind, which was odd in itself for a woman who normally allowed her words to flow naturally. This was different- it wasn't just her future on the line, but also that of the woman she loved. "Many rumors have swirled around the department for years," she began carefully. "Among them is the rumor that I have a certain..preference for who to date. I am not here to comment on the validity of any sub-rumors that may relate to those, but I will confess that the main rumor itself is one hundred percent true."

Tucker leaned forward thoughtfully. "What female officer hasn't faced the rumor that she enjoys sleeping with other women?" he questioned, his usual sarcasm ever present in his voice. Olivia was surprised at the lack of a mocking tone. "But it is your admission that those rumors are, indeed, true?"

"Yes," Olivia replied. Her nerves were only worsening. She had never been one to advertise who she dated. Her office and bedroom lives needed to remain separate, regardless of who she slept with. She wasn't one who could sleep with someone, then wink at them in the office, or whatever people did to avoid revealing their relationships. "They are true," she reiterated. "As I said, I am not here to discuss the validity of anything else people may have whispered regarding my feelings for anyone in general. I like to leave the past in the past."

Tucker nodded. "Understood," he answered. The notepad he had brought in remained blank. He had clearly brought it in with the expectation of her tattling on one of her detectives.

"We understand," Dodds agreed, "but we do not understand the purpose of this conversation. Why would you come in here and tell us this? Your personal life does not affect your job."

"It may," Olivia interjected. "At least, there may be a perception that it may." She inhaled sharply. It was now or never. She launched into her explanation carefully. "For several months, I have been sleeping with Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. It meant nothing to me at first, but I have asked her to marry me, and she accepted. Furthermore, she is pregnant, and I have every intention of legally adopting her baby when it is born."

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room. Olivia hated discussing her personal life, especially with men, because their definition of lesbians tended to mesh with what one could see in any video online. Lesbian was practically synonymous with naughty schoolgirl, often eliciting the same type of thoughts. Olivia chastised herself mentally. She was up for promotion to Lieutenant, poised to officially take the reigns of the unit, and here she was, losing her nerve over something as trivial as discussing her relationship with Casey? Casey...Olivia wondered if she was up yet. She must be in the shower by now, or even dressed already. She must..

"Sergeant?" Tucker prodded, jolting her from her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, what?" Olivia asked. Daydreaming was a sure way to convince them that their relationship wouldn't affect their jobs.

Dodds leaned back in his chair. "Lieutenant Tucker asked you whether or not your relationship with A.D.A. Novak has ever impaired your judgment or your ability to carry out the duties of your position."

"Absolutely not," Olivia answered. She racked her mind for any examples, as she hated lying, but nothing came to mind. "No, our relationship has never affected either of our jobs. We have taken every precaution to ensure that this does not happen."

"I assume you two are living together?" Dodds inquired.

Olivia nodded. Casey had officially changed her address, so they were officially living together. "Yes, we are living together," she answered truthfully. "She moved in with me approximately a week after her assault. At first, it was because her apartment was unbearable to live in for her, but when we made our relationship official, we made that official, as well."

Tucker took a rather large drink from his plastic water cup, and offered Olivia a cup of her own, but she shook her head, holding up her hand. He offered the tiniest glimmer of a smile. It must have been the lighting. "How can you assure us that your jobs and your relationship have never crossed paths, or that one does not affect the other?"

Olivia smiled, providing the answer she had already planned. "Neither of us have ever been late to work since our relationship began. We have never been caught in public, and our objectivity has never been an issue on any case. Her conviction rate has remained steady, and I have never done anything differently with my squad."

Dodds nodded thoughtfully, clearly considering her assurances. "When do you two plan to get married? And when is her baby due?"

"Her baby is due in approximately five months. We are planning the ceremony for sometime around the holidays." Olivia wasn't sure why that was relevant, but maybe they were just making conversation. Not that it was helping her nerves. If anything, it was only making her feel more jittery.

Another long silence passed, a full four beats. Finally, Tucker exhaled loudly. He spent a few minutes whispering with Chief Dodds, before they turned their attention back to Olivia. "We are sufficiently satisfied that your relationship has not and will not infringe on your ability to carry out your duties as SVU's Sergeant, and possible future Lieutenant. We appreciate you coming in of your own volition, and that does count in your favor. Provided that your relationship never affects your job, the fact that you have officially disclosed means that you may remain in your position, and you have nothing to worry about. As long as you remain professional at all times in the office, we take no issue with this partnership."

Olivia, who had been folding and unfolding her hands in her lap, was too surprised by Tucker's friendliness that she wasn't sure what to say. Finally, she managed to speak. "Thank you, Lieutenant, and thank you, Chief Dodds. We wanted to place everything in the open before we went any further in this relationship. She is everything to me, but my career means much to me as well. I have spent a quarter of my life in this unit, and I cannot imagine being placed anywhere else. Thank you for your understanding. I promise, from both of us, that our relationship will never infringe upon our duties."

"Excellent," Dodds answered, standing up and pushing his chair in. "Is that all, Sergeant?"

"Yes," Olivia answered. She, too, stood and walked over to the door.

"Then you may leave." Tucker gestured to the door. "Oh, and Sergeant?" Olivia turned to face them again, saying nothing. He smiled gently. "Congratulations."


	21. Chapter 21

**Author's note: Thank you for the amazing continued support on this story. Every review makes me smile. I appreciate everything, and even if something happens in the story that you do not like, or find confusing, let me know and I will do my best to fix and/or clarify things. As a quick interjection, some of this story will follow canon from the show, now that it has returned. This is a small spoiler warning. I will be following many threads from the premier, and probably from several future episodes. Picture those events with Casey in Barba's place. Still, that doesn't mean Barba won't ever make an appearance. Anyway, enjoy this next chapter. Let me know what you all think. I appreciate the continued support more than I could ever hope to explain. In regards to this chapter specifically, SVU has yet to name the current DA, so I went with Bureau Chief Cutter, who was the last named "boss" besides McCoy, who I assume has retired by now. I will edit this chapter if and when SVU provides a name. P.S. Thank you to the reviewer who pointed out my small error in the previous chapter regarding Casey's due date. I have since fixed it. And in regards to the reviewer who has once again insulted this story, thank you for the feedback, and I'm sorry you feel that way.**

Casey had woken up two hours before her meeting. She felt as if she had moved onto a cloud. Olivia had been incredibly attentive and loving lately, in and out of bed. Casey had come down with a little stomach bug, and Olivia had made her stay in bed, bringing her her favorite chicken soup and tea, sitting with her whenever she could, and being everything that few knew Olivia could really be.

Casey glanced at the clock as she stepped out of the shower, sighing when she noticed the time. Olivia's meeting had been in the morning, but Casey had arranged her own meeting with her boss for the afternoon. Cutter preferred it that way, anyway, and Casey was anything but a morning person. Having a scheduled hearing was one thing. Finding the courage to confess her love escapades to her boss at the crack of dawn was quite another. The stress was only enhanced by the fact that Cutter had never revealed his true political feelings, so whether he would even accept her being with a female coworker was only one worry on top of a mountain of others.

By the time she arrived at the office, Casey's nerves were dancing in her mind, buzzing too loudly to form a single coherent thought. The attorney stood by her desk, rehearsing her confession in her mind, then orally, and then in her mind all over again. She hoped her favorite blazer wasn't as puckered as it felt. She had started to gain a few pounds, and was slowly outgrowing her favorite suits. She desperately needed to go shopping, but she didn't have the time.

Finally, as the clock ticked just before one, Casey stood outside Cutter's office, knocking gently. When he instructed her to enter, she took a deep breath, opening the door slowly, and closing it behind her with a quiet click. Cutter looked up from a mountain of paperwork on his desk. "Good afternoon, Casey."

He seemed oddly calm. Casey had merely told him she had to talk to him about a personal issue, and his characteristic calmness was almost more unnerving. Where was McCoy's suspicious glare when she needed it? Casey sat across from his desk, folding her hands in her lap. "I have some important information to discuss," she began. She hesitated, her confession on the tip of her tongue. Cutter's office looked the same as always: impeccably organized. But had it always smelled like that? It was like a combination of wood and musk, and to say it was nauseating was an understatement.

"You mentioned that in your email, and in your voicemail. Is this bad information or good?" Cutter asked, breaking her from her thoughts.

"It's good information," Casey replied hastily. "It is happy information." She took a deep breath, meeting his expectant gaze. "I have already disclosed my pregnancy to you," she started. Of course, her pregnancy was practically public knowledge, since everyone knew that she had been raped, though few knew that her baby was actually from the man she had slept with a week before her first night with Olivia. Not that she would ever confess that publicly.

Cutter nodded, capping his pen and tossing it lightly onto the folder in front of him. "Yes. Have you considered when you will be requesting maternity leave?"

"I want to work for as long as I can," Casey answered. And it was true. She loved her job. She wasn't the kind of woman who wanted to sit on the sofa all day. She liked to work, and she knew she was good at her job. She had every intention of working until she reached her mandatory maternity leave period, or until her doctor said she shouldn't anymore- whichever came first. Casey bit the inside of her lip, folding her hands on her lap. "I suppose you could argue that my news is related to my pregnancy, but it is much more complicated than that." By now, all traces of her planned speech had evaporated, leaving her mind full of mush. The normally brilliant, confident attorney was, for once, at a complete loss for words.

Cutter tapped his pan on his desk thoughtfully, clearly waiting for her to continue. When she didn't, he exhaled sharply. "Casey, why are we here today?" There was the eery calmness again. Once more, Casey found herself wishing she was having this conversation with McCoy. Cutter was just as ruthless, but in a much quieter way. It was more than a little disconcerting.

Casey hesitated, then launched into her explanation before she lost her courage. "I have spent most of my life keeping my work out of my personal life, and vice versa. With only a couple of exceptions, I have never even thought to date someone in the office. However, within these past few months, that has changed. I am dating someone, and it is imperative that we disclose."

"You are dating someone in the office?" Cutter clarified.

"Not in this office," Casey answered. "For just over four months, I have been dating Sergeant Olivia Benson." The confession hung in the air like a stubborn stain, and continued to dangle for several long, uncomfortable moments.

Finally, Cutter spoke. "This has been going on for four months?" he questioned. As Casey nodded, saying nothing, he sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Why have you decided to disclose your relationship now?"

Casey smiled softly. "We are disclosing because she has asked me to marry her, and I said yes. She will be legally adopting my baby when she is born." Olivia had informed her that once they were married and the baby was born, she would be adopting it, no questions asked. It was the sweetest gesture Casey could imagine.

Another moment of silence passed. Casey, who had never been much of a fidgeter, shifted in her seat. "Okay," Cutter said slowly, drawing out the syllables. Or maybe that was just Casey's nerves, distorting every sentence, forcing it into slow motion. "Do the Chief of Detectives and IAB know about this?"

Casey nodded. "Olivia told them this morning," she replied. She didn't know how it had gone. She and Olivia had agreed to talk about it over dinner tonight, and the last she heard, Olivia had to track down a suspect who had fled from her and Amanda. "I do not know whether the conversation was well received, as we have not spoken yet." She was beginning to regret agreeing to wait until dinner.

"To the best of your knowledge, would you say that your relationship has ever impeded your ability to carry out the duties of your job? Has it ever affected your objectivity on any case, or hers?"

"I cannot speak to her objectivity, but as for my own, I have never allowed my feelings to cloud my judgment. We have kept our personal lives out of the office. There is no one out there who could truthfully claim they have seen us all over each other at work, as we have done everything in our power to keep things a secret."

Cutter nodded slowly. "But Sergeant Benson took the lead on your case, did she not?"

Casey was hoping that would not come up. "Yes," she admitted. "But, realistically, she would have taken the lead on it whether we were together or not, because she is the head of the Special Victims Unit."

"But what proof do we have that she did nothing different over the course of the investigation? What proof is there that she didn't act differently because of her personal stake in the case?"

Casey shook her head. This was not going well. "There were no reports of police brutality. She did not beat either of the men down, and she stepped aside and allowed Detective Rollins to run the main interrogation. Her only personal involvement in the case was in regards to her discussion with Cabot, when she convinced her to plead them out."

"Which she only did because she was dating you at the time," Cutter asserted.

"No, sir," Casey answered, swallowing a lump in her throat. "There have been several other cases like mine, where the victim was attacked by multiple men and the detectives asked for a plea deal to capture the other attacker. There was nothing different about this investigation. It was by the book, from start to finish. With all due respect, it would have played out the same exact way whether we were together, or if she merely knew me and we were still just friends. One could argue the same degree of suspicion in either instance, yet no one would argue the invalidity of an investigation if we were merely friends."

Cutter again fell silent. If Casey could bottle the silence in the room, she knew she would have a lovely little drink shop. She could practically hear his next words before he even thought them, but what he did say shocked her. "You're right," he admitted. "It is not my job to speak to the validity of an investigation. I am not in charge of Sergeant Benson. Your job is my responsibility, and I have seen no difference in your performance. I cannot say that I approve of an inter-office marriage, but I have little recourse over it, as you have disclosed, and it has not appeared to have affected your job."

"Are you going to transfer me, sir?" Casey questioned before she could stop herself. She recalled her promise to Olivia, should either of them have to transfer.

Cutter shook his head. "No, of course not. Just keep your personal life at home and maintain your professionalism here. Can you do that?"

"Yes, sir," Casey promised. She wasn't sure if he wanted an answer, but she wanted it there, for posterity, if nothing else.

"Good." Cutter tapped his pen again, then stopped. "I believe that is all we have to discuss. I will not begrudge you your happiness, whatever my personal feelings. Consider this your probationary period. Simply prove to me that your personal life will not interfere with your job, and you will eventually have my full blessing. But as for your concerns of a transfer or other recourse, I am not going to lose one of my best attorneys because they fell in love. Is that understood?" Casey nodded, and Cutter almost smiled. "Alright. If that is all, I believe you have an arraignment in an hour. Thank you for coming to me."

Casey nodded, saying nothing but a quick thank you. When Cutter dismissed her, she walked out of the office, her legs feeling like jelly. It had gone well, she assumed. She still had her job, and Cutter had all but given his blessing. That was all she could have hoped for. Casey quietly closed the door behind her, squared her shoulders, and took a deep breath. She had an arraignment to get to.


	22. Chapter 22

**Author's note: Thank you for the incredible continued support on this story. This has quickly become one of my personal favorites, of the ones I have written, and I am very happy with where it is, and where it is going. I was planning to update yesterday, but I had only gotten two hours of sleep, and I was completely unable to function, let alone write. Anyway, enjoy this next chapter, and please let me know what you think.**

Olivia was in her office, the door closed and the blinds drawn. Glancing at the clock on her desk, she realized that Casey's meeting with Cutter must be over by now. A two hour meeting, however, wasn't plausible. She had texted Casey to tell her she loved her, though Casey, who was in court, hadn't responded yet. Olivia couldn't wait to share the good news about her own meeting at dinner, which, though only a few hours away, seemed to sit at the other end of eternity.

A knock on her door startled her out of her thoughts. "Come in," she instructed.

Fin opened the door slowly. "Miss Finnigan is here to see you," he commented.

Olivia nodded. "Send her in." She didn't know what Alison Finnigan needed, but if she was requesting a personal meeting, it couldn't be good. She didn't have much time to contemplate the thought, either, because Alison slowly entered, hesitating before sitting down in the chair across from Olivia. "Alison, are you okay?" Olivia asked, noticing her blotchy face and tear-stained eyes.

Alison shook her head, wiping her eyes with a tissue from the box on Olivia's desk. "No, I'm not," she murmured.

"How did the sentencing go?" Olivia questioned. She had wanted to attend the hearing the previous week, but Alison had begged her not to, not offering an explanation. Alison had been sexually abused for years, and though most of her family stood behind her one hundred percent, she still didn't feel comfortable around them. Her abuser had pled out at Alison's request, since not testifying would have meant she would have had to watch videos of herself being molested- videos she had never known existed until her abuser stupidly took his laptop to be fixed, videos she had forgotten even existed. She would have had to watch them to identify herself and try to figure out where they took place, but she hadn't been able to cope with it, so she had begged Casey to plead him out.

"It was...different," Alison answered slowly. "I went in there knowing that, no matter what happened, he was going to be in jail for at least fifteen years, since that was the minimum the judge had warned about. I told myself I would be good with twenty."

Olivia nodded in understanding. "Did he get less than that?" she asked, considering how upset Alison seemed.

"No." Alison took a deep breath. "He got fifty years," she replied.

Olivia was shocked. In her decade and a half of service to the Special Victims Unit, she had come to expect lower penalties for certain pleas. She had been hoping this particular abuser would get more time, simply because he was old and disgusting, and had abused Alison for nearly a decade. Olivia had been tasked with interviewing him, and he had referred to himself as a "beast," a feeling a reiterated at his previous hearing, where he accepted the plea bargain offered to him. To Olivia, it sounded fake, as if he thought that the worse he referred to himself, the more sympathy he would get. "Fifty years?" the brunette questioned. "Wow. That's great news. Did the judge allow you to give a speech?"

Alison nodded, throwing her tissue away. Her face had slowly returned to its normal color. "Yeah, I spoke," she murmured. She sighed. "I was able to remain strong at the other hearing, so I thought this would be the same. I didn't want the judge to think I was repeating myself, but I think I repeated a couple of things, accidentally." She shrugged, then continued. "When I got to the end of the speech I had only sort of planned, I suddenly couldn't stop shaking, and I completely broke down. Olivia, I snorted in open court!"

Olivia manged a small smile. "Honey, everyone will understand. I'm sure no one thought anything of it, even if they heard you. You shouldn't worry about that. I'm happy that the judge let you speak, though."

"Me too. I managed to stop crying after a few moments, but I could still feel my nerves going haywire. I couldn't stop shaking. It was like it was ten degrees in there, and I had only chosen a tank top and mini skirt for the day. I was a jellyfish. A spineless jellyfish."

Olivia shook her head. "After everything you have been through, it is surprising that you don't cry more often." She folded her hands on the desk. "Did he opt to speak?"

Alison rolled her eyes. "Yes. He referred to himself as a beast again and his attorney spoke for him, too, of course. He said most of his clients accept responsibility for their actions, but supposedly this client not only accepted responsibility for his actions, but also admitted that there was no excuse for what he did. He claimed that was the most honest thing he had ever heard someone say."

"Right," Olivia murmured. She stood up and poured Alison a cup of coffee, offering the cup to her, along with a couple of sugar packets and a little jar of vanilla creamer. She remembered from their many interviews that Alison loved French vanilla creamer the most. Alison took it and thanked her quietly. Olivia poured herself a cup, leaving it black and adding only two sugars. As she returned to her desk, the sergeant sighed deeply. "Okay, so what happened next?"

Alison took a small sip of her coffee after adding the cream and sugar, and winced, presumably because it was too hot. "Well, the judge said some things that I never expected to hear. She asked the prosecution again if they had anything to add, and Ms. Novak reiterated that she didn't know if his remorse was real or just faked so he could get a lighter sentence, which I had made a point to say in my statement, too. After that, the judge said that she appreciated him taking responsibility for his actions and admitting that he was wrong, while continually expressing remorse. However, she said flat out that it wasn't going to lighten his sentence any. And guess what? She said it is one of the worst cases she has ever seen."

"Really?" Olivia asked. This particular judge had been a prosecutor for almost thirty years before her election to the bench, and she had two little girls. Judges were supposed to remain objective, but Olivia, and everyone else, too, had been hoping that maybe, just maybe, those factors would subconsciously encourage her to hand down a harsher sentence. They were worried that she would sentence light, since, though she didn't have a reputation for being a pushover, she wasn't a hanging judge, either. "I'm surprised she admitted it so boldly, but then, Judge Addams has never been one to hide her true feelings. So she gave him fifty years? What did Casey say?" Casey and Olivia had briefly talked about this case, of course, but Olivia had forgotten that he had gotten fifty years. With everything else on her mind, the note had somehow slipped.

"After the hearing, she told me the maximum he could have gotten for those three charges was fifty seven years, and that the judge really meant it when she said it was one of the worst cases she has ever seen. She said she's only heard her say that on two other occasions, and both of those times were to serial rapists." Alison sighed. "Olivia? I'm sorry it took me a week to come in and talk to you. I just felt so bad about screaming at you not to come. I'm sorry I called you a jinx."

Olivia smiled softly. "Don't be sorry," she murmured. "I'm not upset with you, Alison. I completely understand. And I'm happy that you came in now, but...why now? And how do you feel about his sentence? You were crying when you came in."

Alison sighed, biting her lip. "Yeah, well, I wasn't ready to come in, but after last night, I had to come in. See, my grandma and I were talking at dinner about the hearing..again. And she totally caught me off guard, saying she couldn't just turn off her feelings and ignore the last fifteen years of her life."

"What?" Olivia asked, shocked. "She still has feelings for him? Is she going to stay with him?"

"No, I don't think that's it," Alison murmured. "See, she's upset because she already paid for his cremation, and at first I thought she was mad because she won't get that money back, but then she started talking about how he's still human and he's already in prison serving his time for his mistake. Can you believe that? She called it a mistake, like all he did was break her favorite vase. And then she said that she couldn't just turn off her feelings, and that she did love him for fifteen years, then she started talking about my real grandpa, her husband before him. And anyway, eventually she said she'll always have feelings for him, even though she will never be with him again because of what he did. And she said he's still a human being, and that he doesn't deserve to be buried like a pauper. Whatever that means. But she said since his cremation is already paid for, he deserves to be buried in the box he chose."

Olivia nodded. "Well, I'm sure this is really hard for her, too," she murmured. "At least she's not dating him anymore. I can understand where she's coming from with not being able to totally eliminate her feelings for him, since, once you love someone, those feelings don't ever really go away. On the other hand, how anyone can still love someone after finding out that they are a child molester and rapist is beyond me. But she shouldn't have laid all of that onto you, Alison. That was wrong of her. I'm so sorry."

Alison sighed, shaking her head and grabbing another tissue as her eyes again flooded with tears. "I just hate it, because it's like, I get it, I do. Yeah, you can't stop loving someone after years of wanting them. It takes time. But it's making me feel like shit for asking for the maximum in my statement and wishing him dead. I feel like I'm betraying her by wanting that, and now I'm starting to wish I could go back and change all of that. She's right. He is still human."

"Alison, it's time you start worrying about you," Olivia answered. "You've spent years not telling on him because you didn't want your grandma to lose everything. You've spent years doubting your own feelings. You're what matters now. You had every right to ask for the maximum and to wish him dead, after what he did for you. It's a long process for her to come to terms with what happened, and the fact that the other side of the bed is empty after over a decade, but she shouldn't dump that on you. Don't feel like shit. Feel good about this victory. Feel good about yourself, and realize that this is the next step in the stairway to your healing."

Alison looked away. "Yeah, but now I have to express one feeling while stating another. God, even now, I'm living a double life around her, and I hate it. What should I do?"

"Talk to her," Olivia urged. "Ask her if you two can talk, and tell her how you feel. Tell her you understand how she feels, but don't understand what she means by feelings. Maybe she doesn't mean love. Maybe she just misses what they were at the beginning. I'm not saying it's right, but this shouldn't come between you two. I think, if you ask her what she means, and once she elaborates, you'll feel so much better. And that gives you the chance to tell her how you feel, too."

Alison nodded. "That's a really good idea," she murmured. She stood up suddenly, finishing the rest of her coffee and placing the cup on the desk. "Thanks, Olivia. I really appreciate all that you've done for me."

"You're welcome," Olivia answered, surprised at the abrupt end to the conversation. "Alison, any time you need something, feel free to call me or just walk in. Any time of day, I'm here for you. Just because the case is over doesn't mean I'm not still here to help you. Okay?"

"Okay. Thanks," Alison answered, then, without another word, she turned and fled from the office.

Olivia leaned back in her chair with a deep sigh. It was then that her phone vibrated and lit up with a new message. Grabbing it, Olivia opened the message, reading it several times before it sank in. It was from Casey. "I need you to meet me at the courthouse. It's urgent." Olivia was out of her chair and out the door within seconds.


	23. Chapter 23

**Author's note: Thank you, everyone for the awesome support. I have a couple of things to clear up. First, to JJ, the previous chapter did not feature a victim from the show, or anyone from the story thus far. She was merely someone who Olivia had been helping prior to the start of the story, whose attacker was sentenced sometime during the story's events. She was just there to vent to Olivia and tell her what had happened. Also, I'd like to say that I am considering introducing someone into the story, someone to shake up Casey and Olivia's life in a good way, but we will see. I have to see where the story goes. Anyway, thanks for the continued support, and anytime you have any questions, feel free to let me know. Thank you.**

Casey stood in a closed conference room, pacing back and forth nervously. She couldn't believe what had just happened. Defense attorneys relished finding every little loophole they could, whether it could, realistically, help their client or not. But this one was low. This stunt was beyond infuriating, and Casey was trying her hardest not to let her personal feelings interfere with her judgment. Hadn't she just sworn to her boss that her personal life wouldn't affect her work life in any way? Still, this was insane. The fact that she was supposed to be back in her office, preparing for another case after her arraignment, rather than here, was quite irritating.

Casey had just reached the other end of the table when the door opened, and Olivia entered. The older woman shut the door behind her. "Casey, what's wrong?" she asked. "Are you okay? The baby?"

Casey nodded. "Yes, we're both fine," she answered. A million questions swarmed in her mind, but they had more pressing issues at the moment. "This isn't personal," she said truthfully. "Judge Allen has called an emergency hearing on the Monroe case."

"An emergency hearing for what?" Olivia asked. "The trial is already underway."

"It is." Casey sighed, leaning against the wall. The overpowering scent of wood and potpourri in the conference room was beginning to make her nauseous. Had it always smelled like that? She shook her head, trying breathe through her nose without smelling anything. "You know Buchanan. He's known for his last minute Hail Marys."

Olivia sighed deeply. "What is he doing this time? Claiming his client is too ill to continue?"

"Claiming police misconduct," Casey answered. Olivia had been the one to arrest, interrogate, and book Monroe, so the fact that Buchanan was alleging misconduct, particularly from Olivia and so close to her potential promotion was particularly grating.

Olivia barked out something that resembled a cross between a grunt and a growl. "Excuse me? Which part, exactly, is he alleging misconduct for? What is it that I did that infringed on his client's rights?"

Casey folded her arms across her chest. "From what I could gather, he's asserting that you tricked him into a false confession. They are claiming that you shut the video recorder off for a few moments and bullied him into confessing, and that you yelled at him until he broke down and confessed...by which point, you had turned the video recording back on."

"This is the entire point of recording confessions," Olivia replied. It was clear that her anger was mounting, and Casey was torn between calming her down by being the girlfriend she needed right now, and remaining where she was, rooted in place as merely the prosecutor on the case. Olivia sighed deeply, massaging her forehead. "Casey, even if I had wanted to do that, it is inconceivable to think that I could have turned the recording on and off without anyone noticing, or that no one would have noticed how choppy the final recording was. Buchanan and his underhanded tactics are trying my last ounce of patience."

"I know," Casey said quietly, biting her bottom lip. "And any reasonable person would understand that, too. But Buchanan managed to convince the judge that the confession was coerced, and the judge is demanding an emergency hearing to further review the evidence. They are calling you to the stand first, and then Rollins, since she was observing the interrogation." She checked the clock on the far wall. "We need to get in there," she murmured. She looked at Olivia for a moment. "Don't worry. We will win this. You know how defense attorneys are. By the time I'm through with him, Monroe will beg for a life sentence."

Thirty minutes later, Casey tapped her pen silently against her notepad as she listened to Buchanan question Olivia. She had always hated when people compared defense attorneys to sharks who smelled blood in the water, but the thought rushed through her mind anyway. Buchanan hounded Olivia, circling the witness stand in a way not unlike a dog circling its next hydrant. "Sergeant Benson, can you explain why my client's confession is so explicit?"

"I am not sure what you mean," Olivia answered calmly.

Buchanan, holding a paper that must have been a copy of the confession, read from a couple of visibly highlighted passages. "By my client's admission, he broke into Miss Davis' home, bound her with her favorite pink handcuffs, and raped her from one fifteen in the morning to four thirty two."

"Yes, that is what he confessed," Olivia replied.

Buchanan scoffed. "Sergeant, in your experience, are suspects typically this explicit in their recall of their attacks?"

"We usually ask them to be as detailed as possible, and-"

"And you don't find it the least bit unlikely that Mr. Stevens was simply confessing to a crime he didn't commit, because he was caught at the scene, and chose to make the best of it? By his own admission, he will do anything to get on television."

"Objection," Casey interjected. "Calls for speculation."

"Sustained," Judge Allen answered. "Move on, Counselor."

Buchanan flashed a smirk that could only be described as evil. "Yes, Your Honor." He turned back to Olivia. "Sergeant, will you admit that most of the details in this supposed confession can be found in various newspapers from the day after the crime was committed? Isn't it likely that Mr. Stevens synthesized these details into one statement?"

So that was his angle. Of course this was all a publicity stunt. Casey couldn't believe she had actually bought their cheap argument that the confession had been coerced. They had never planned to claim it was elicited under duress, but rather, to paint Olivia as incompetent by asserting that she was too stupid to realize that the details were coming from various news sources. Casey quickly jotted down a couple of notes.

Olivia shook her head. "Some of the details may have been taken from the news, but the detail of the pink handcuffs was never released to the press. At that time, that would have only been known by the police, the victim, and the perpetrator."

"Ah, but you are forgetting that my client was caught at the scene. By his own admission, he was in the room to find some jewelry. Couldn't he have seen the pink handcuffs on Miss Davis' wrists? Didn't he, at the time of his arrest, shout that he hadn't raped her, but had instead walked in on the scene and called the police himself?"

"Yes, he did," Olivia answered. "But we could not find any evidence that a third person had ever been in the room."

"And you wouldn't have. Exactly how much effort did the police instill into finding a third suspect once they realized that my client had been there with the victim?"

"Objection," Casey said again. "We are not here to discuss the investigation itself. This hearing relates specifically to the validity of Mr. Stevens' confession."

Buchanan shrugged. "Your Honor, if the police demonstrated such misconduct from the beginning, it would have carried through to the time of the confession."

Judge Allen shook his head. "Ms. Novak is right on the money, Mr. Buchanan. The People's objection is sustained."

"No further questions," Buchanan answered.

Casey studied her notes for a moment, then stood, walking over to the witness stand. "Sergeant Benson," she questioned, "the defense has claimed that you switched the video recorder off to eliminate any possibility of being caught in your efforts to force Mr. Stevens to confess. They have first claimed that you bullied him, and then stated that he was tricked. But what does the detailed nature of the confession suggest to you, regarding, specifically, the detail that no one but the perpetrator would have known, and the way in which he described the assault?"

"I attribute those details to the fact that Mr. Stevens is, indeed, the true perpetrator of this crime," Olivia answered. "He was able to discuss Miss Davis' brutal assault with the air of someone discussing a pleasant trip to the beach."

"Could this, in your experience, be the act of someone who merely sought a press appearance, and, as the defense has claimed, sensationalized the story?"

Olivia shook her head. "Not in my experience," she responded.

"And how do you answer the charge that you encouraged the confession or otherwise falsified it?"

"The entire investigation was by the book. The interrogation was long, but not otherwise stressful. It was fully recorded, and I was also being observed by Detective Amanda Rollins."

"And, therefore, what is your opinion about the confession itself?"

"Objection!" Buchanan shouted. "We are not here to debate Sergeant Benson's personal thoughts on the matter."

"Overruled," Judge Allen answered. "Answer the question, Sergeant."

Olivia shifted in her seat. "The confession is valid," she stated simply. "There was no police misconduct."

"Thank you," Casey murmured.

After a few more rounds of pointless questions by Buchanan, Judge Allen leaned forward in his chair. "I called this hearing to consider the possibility that the confession in this case could have possibly been faked or unduly influenced. There have been too many reports of corruption in the media, and it is this court's opinion that the police should be held to the highest standard. However, after considering all testimony and comparing the confession to the details of the case at hand, I do believe that the interrogation was legal and unedited. Therefore, I am ruling the confession valid. The trial will continue in two weeks. We are adjourned."

After the hearing, Casey and Olivia again stood alone in the conference room a few doors down. Casey smiled softly. "I find it odd that Buchanan didn't bother to call Rollins, despite her being on the witness list. I had planned to call her, but Judge Allen never gave me the chance. I suppose he was tired of Buchanan's pomposity, too."

Olivia chuckled softly. "I suppose so. I am just glad that he ruled in our favor. Buchanan couldn't seem to decide whether he was questioning the investigation, the interrogation, or grasping at straws to try to save his client."

"I don't think he can ever decide," Casey murmured. "But no one in their right mind could ever find that confession invalid." She checked the time again. "I have to go," she said quietly. "I have to take care of a couple of things at the office."

Olivia nodded. "I'll see you at dinner," she said as Casey buttoned her coat and brushed past her. They paused, their gazes locking. Electricity sparked between them, and Olivia leaned forward as if to kiss Casey, but they quickly pulled apart, remembering, at the exact same moment, the presence of cameras in the room.

"See you at dinner, Sergeant," Casey answered, her hand on the door handle. As they shared one last smile, Casey opened the door and quickly rushed out. This time, her nausea couldn't possibly be blamed on the potpourri.


	24. Chapter 24

**Author's note: Thank you for the awesome reviews, everyone. I apologize if the last chapter was a little dull. I didn't want this story to be all about their personal lives. I do try my best to write in a similar format to the show, so courtroom and squadroom drama is essential. This next chapter should more than make up for it. I can't wait to see what everyone thinks. I had fun writing this chapter.**

Casey sat alone at her favorite booth in her favorite restaurant. The server had been by three times in the last hour to ask if she was ready to order, and Casey continued to say no each time. She had run through a million excuses for Olivia being late, and not calling. She was stuck in traffic. She was busy in an interrogation, or in a high speed chase. She was in a meeting. But by now, she had run out of excuses, and patience.

The server cleared her throat, jolting Casey from her thoughts. "Would you like some more tea?" she asked, her impatience practically palpable. As Casey nodded silently, the server poured her a fresh glass of iced tea, placing a little bowl of lemons beside the glass. Casey thanked her quietly, and the server bustled away.

Casey checked her phone to see if Olivia had texted, or called, or instant messaged. But nothing had come in. She sighed, taking a sip of her tea and dropping a lemon into it. When she realized she had been here for two hours and hadn't bothered to order any dinner, she sighed. Enough was enough.

Just as she stood to leave, Olivia rushed in, quickly finding her in the corner. "Casey, I'm so sorry. I know I'm late."

"Late?" Casey questioned. "You passed late around an hour and a half ago, Olivia."

Olivia sighed, throwing her coat into the booth and sliding into it. "I know. I was...busy."

"Busy?" Casey questioned. "Busy doing what, and where?"

"You'll find out," Olivia answered simply. "And when you do, you will no longer be angry that I am so late. When you find out where I was and what I was doing, you will understand what took so long." Casey opened her mouth to question her again, but Olivia held her hand up. "Drop it for now," she instructed.

Casey sighed. "Alright," she murmured, staring at the lemon swimming in her tea for a moment.

"Any word from Buchanan?"

Casey shook her head. "No. Not that he had much of a chance. I had to get back to the office pretty quickly after the hearing, so I didn't have time to wait around for a million questions from the resident worm. I do look forward to whatever amusing motion he comes up with next. Maybe he'll claim arresting his client was unconstitutional...or that his client has some disorder that makes him confuse his apartment with everyone else's."

Olivia smiled, reaching for a roll and placing it on her bowl. Choosing a plain butter from the dish, she opened it, sliced the roll, and quickly buttered it. "Do you know how difficult it is to stand in the same room as you and act as if nothing has changed?" she asked.

"I do know," Casey replied, looking down at her own plain, uneaten roll. "Standing in front of you, I had everything I could do to not think about everything we have done and said that we have never done and said when we were friends. And standing in the conference room together, after the hearing was torture. I have never quite been so aware of those cameras as I was in that moment," she admitted, her gaze dropping from Olivia to her plate.

Olivia nodded, reaching across the table and gently taking Casey's hand in hers. "It was difficult for me too. I wanted to kiss you, to congratulate you, to do everything I can never do in public without being questioned. But that was earlier. That was the courthouse. This is now, in a restaurant where no one would think to look for us. Casey, no one is here," she murmured, reassuringly brushing her fingers over Casey's skin. "We don't have to hide here."

"I know," Casey answered, but her hesitation still burbled beneath the surface, like a potion threatening to spill over the edges of a cauldron. When had Olivia, often thought of as the biggest prude of all, become so willing to display their affection in public? When had Olivia, of all people, become the most loving one? "Olivia, how do you think people will react when they find out?" she asked, meeting Olivia's gaze across the table.

"What do you mean?" Olivia asked.

"Are you ready to order?" Casey and Olivia both jumped as the waitress interrupted them. She looked at Olivia for a moment. "What would you like to drink, Ma'am?"

Olivia sighed. "Just coffee, please. No creamer. And I do believe we are ready to order. Casey?"  
Casey nodded after a moment. "Yeah, I'm ready." She closed her menu and handed it to the server. "I would like the Swiss dark chocolate stuffed French toast, please. If you could make sure that the bacon that comes with that is on a separate plate and extra crispy, that would be fantastic. And leave the bananas off, please. Thank you."

The server nodded, quickly jotting everything down. She turned to Olivia, who smiled, not even bothering to check her own menu. "I'll have the avocado and corn chicken salad with extra avocados and light lime juice. I would also like a side of crab legs, please."

Once the server was gone, Olivia sighed, folding her hands on the table and looking at Casey. "Since when do you like dark chocolate?"

"Since my tastebuds have taken on a life of their own," Casey answered. She stirred an extra sugar into her tea, watching the ice cubes in the glass swirl mindlessly. She sighed, shaking her head. "Olivia, I'm scared," she murmured. "We told our bosses about us today, but what about the rest of the world? There's always going to be someone who has a problem with our marriage, whether because of our jobs, or just because of our genders. When we go out in public, there's always going to be that one person staring daggers at us, hoping we drop dead, or worse. And then there's going to be people like Buchanan and other defense attorneys, who will try to use our relationship to discredit us."

"Casey," Olivia said quietly. "We already talked about this. I'm not ashamed to be seen with you, because I don't care what other people think. It doesn't matter to me if some Bible thumper is on the streets protesting my lifestyle as I walk by, because I love you, and that's what matters. As for defense attorneys who may try to discredit us, was that not the purpose of our full disclosure? We just need to prove that our marriage will have no effect on our jobs, and no one could ever say anything against it."

Casey gently pulled her hand away, dropping it to her lap. "I know that," she answered. And they had already had this discussion on many occasions, but after court, after seeing Buchanan use something as simple as a taped confession to try to get his client freed, she could only imagine the whispers that would ripple through the courthouse. "Have you heard that Sergeant Benson is sleeping with an ADA in the Manhattan District Attorney's office? I seriously doubt things are as by the book as they say..." Casey could practically hear the whispers now.

She sighed, finally cutting her roll into pieces and slowly popping an unbuttered piece into her mouth. She chewed the dry, unappetizing dough silently in an effort to end the conversation. She could practically feel Olivia's concern burrowing into her. "How do you handle it, Olivia?" she asked, despite herself.

"I handle it," Olivia answered simply. "I don't pretend to be an expert on this sort of thing, since I have never been in a long term relationship with a coworker, or anyone in the past couple of decades. But I have reached a point where I am not afraid to be seen out in public with a woman. People are going to whisper, whether I am with someone or not. That's the nature of our jobs, Casey. That's the nature of being a human being. It takes time to get used to it, but I promise that you will. I say this a thousand times a day, but I love you, and that is the one thing that matters to me, regardless of what anyone else may say. Okay?"

Casey smiled softly. Olivia's words had, in truth, made her feel a little better. She was still getting used to even being with a woman, whether at home or in public, but she also knew that time was the best remedy for anything. So she slowly reached across the table and smiled as Olivia took her hand again. "I love you too," she murmured.

Olivia smiled just as the server returned with her coffee. Olivia thanked her, blowing on it gently before taking a rather large sip. "Now for the grand finale. We have waited all day to discuss our meetings with our bosses." She looked at Casey curiously.

"Cutter approved, in his own way," Casey answered. "He didn't jump up and buy us a wedding present, but I would have been worried if he had. He basically put me on probation, saying he would only fully give his blessing once we demonstrated our ability to keep our personal feelings out of the workplace."

Olivia smiled. "I'm glad to hear it," she answered. "Cutter isn't known for being sentimental, so I am surprised that was he even that accommodating."

Casey nodded, sipping her tea. "And you?" she asked, placing the glass on a coaster. She noticed that Olivia hadn't bothered, just like she never bothered to make her side of the bed, or clean the unused side of the dinner table. Casey supposed she would have to get used to those things once they were married. "How did your meeting with Tucker and Dodds go?"

"It went well," Olivia replied. "Tucker, in his own special way, congratulated us. I informed them that I would be adopting your baby so that we could be real family, and that our relationship had gone on for this long without affecting our jobs. Once I promised that it would continue to do so, Tucker and Dodds provided their own approval."

"That's amazing!" Casey exclaimed. "So our bosses have approved our disclosure and no one has come up to us demanding that we resign from a case..yet," she couldn't help but adding. "Wow." It seemed too good to be true. She had expected at least one of the bosses to disapprove, to throw another wrench into their relationship. She hadn't imagined that this anticipated complication to their love would be so easy to remove.

"Don't sound so happy," Olivia answered, pulling Casey out of her thoughts for the second time that night.

Casey smiled brightly. "I am happier than I could hope to express in words," she answered. "I really am. We have officially disclosed and garnered our bosses' approval. Potential conflicts of interest are no longer an issue. To say I feel as if an enormous weight has been lifted from my shoulders is an understatement." She had always hated that cliché, but pathetic metaphors aside. Mere moments ago, she had been terrified of facing the outside world as a couple. But knowing that they had officially gained the approval of three of the most important people in their lives was like its own security blanket.

And then Casey realized just whose approval would officially make her feel comfortable. "Olivia," she said slowly. "Babe, how do you feel about meeting my parents?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Author's note: I can honestly say that I had fun writing this chapter. I just want everyone to remember that, no matter what happens, I appreciate all support, and all feedback. I will never abandon this story, and it will be finished, no matter how long that takes. This chapter, though partially grounded in real experience, is wholly fictional. Thank you for reading. If anyone has any ideas, questions, or just comments, let me know in a review and I'll answer you directly, and in the story. Thanks for the support. Please enjoy this next chapter.**

"I can't do this."

Olivia looked up from her case file, having been resting on the sofa when Casey rushed out of the bedroom, her dress unzipped, her hair still wet from her shower. "Do you need help with the little zipper?"

"That's not funny, Olivia!" Casey cried, struggling with the zipper. She had just bought this dress two months before, and she was already outgrowing it. Unfortunately, that was the least of her problems. Sucking in her breath, the attorney managed to zip the dress, hoping it didn't bulge in all the wrong places. She sighed, sitting on the edge of the sofa, pushing Olivia's legs aside. "This is insane," she murmured. "This can go wrong in so many ways."

Olivia sighed, closing the file and placing it on the coffee table. "Honey, are you having second thoughts? If anyone should be nervous, it should be me. I'm the one who is meeting them for the first time."

"I know," Casey answered with a sigh. "But you don't understand, Olivia. My parents have always been very loving and supportive of me, and there have been few things in my life that they have been truly angry or disappointed in me for. But this is completely different. I'm coming to two good Catholics, one of whom is a former military man, and telling them that I am pregnant out of wedlock, and that I am marrying a woman."

Olivia nodded. "I know," she replied. "But what changed, Casey? You were excited about it earlier. You practically jumped up and down the other night at dinner when I agreed to meet them. What changed?"

Casey considered her answer very carefully. If it came out wrong, it could potentially make Olivia feel like she didn't want her to meet her parents, and that wasn't the truth at all. Finally, shaking her head, the redhead managed an explanation that, at least in theory, sounded logical. "What changed is my phone call with my mother the other night. When I asked if I could introduce someone to them, my mother practically salivated. I could hear her smiling on the other end, and then she asked me if this was a man from work. A man, Olivia. A man! She thinks I'm bringing a man, and I didn't have the emotional fortitude to tell her otherwise."

"Oh, that's just great, Casey! I'm going to be showing up on their doorstep and they are going to be looking at everything but me, trying to find this tall, dark, and handsome stranger you are bringing home."

"On the bright side, you qualify for two out of three of those descriptors."

"Why only two? And which one do I not qualify for?"  
"I'm not going to call you handsome, Olivia. I don't care what you wear in bed. You're too beautiful to ever be called handsome." Casey sighed. "But that's not the point. The point is that my mother is either going to be furious with me or fawn all over you the way she used to with my friends. And I'm not sure which one is worse."

Olivia nodded. "I understand. But I am proud that you want to introduce me to your parents, and nothing they say or do can make me stop loving you. Yes, I would appreciate their support, and I would love to see your father walking you down the aisle, because I know how much you have always wanted that. But know that, regardless of what happens at dinner tonight, I'm always going to love you. Nothing can change that. They can throw a bible at me, and recite a thousand scriptures, and I will still love you with every bit of my heart. Understood?" Casey opened her mouth to speak, but Olivia kissed her to silence her. "Go finish getting ready. I promise this will be as comfortable as possible."

Casey, knowing she had no arguments left, though unable to quell her last minute nerves, reluctantly turned and walked back into the bedroom to finish getting ready.

 **Two hours later** , among the cacophony of forks clinking against porcelain, quiet sips from everyone at the table, and the practically palpable curiosity radiating from Casey's parents, a distinct aura settled around the evening. Everything had gone well enough, thus far. Olivia and Casey's father had briefly spoken about politics, which was odd, given Olivia's anti-political stance, but Casey appreciated the effort she was making.

Her mother had briefly chatted about new fashion trends, and Casey fought back the urge to tell her that Olivia wasn't like any of the friends she had ever brought to dinner- their relationship status aside. But Olivia, despite her lack of interest in such frivolities, managed to fake an interest so well that Casey's mother didn't even notice, and instead only babbled on.

As everyone finished their second course, and the housekeeper cleared the plates and prepared to fetch dessert, Casey's father cleared his throat from the head of the table. "Casey, it's great to see you come home once in a decade or so," he stated, taking a rather large sip from his wine goblet. "Your mother tells me you have news?"

Casey flinched in her seat. So much for finding the proper icebreaker. She glanced at Olivia for a moment, and felt Olivia subtly take her hand under the table. "Yes, I have news," she began carefully.

"Does it have anything to do with the fact that you're pregnant, but not married?" her father interjected. "Casey, I thought we raised you better than that. You should know better than to rebel like that."

"Dad, I'm almost forty," Casey answered. Leave it to him to think she had gotten pregnant to rebel against him. The way he spoke, one would think she was sixteen and dating his law clerks again. "Sir," she finished, the word echoing on her tongue. She nervously took a sip of her water. Her carefully rehearsed speech had suddenly evaporated from her mind.

"Steven!" her mother cried. She shook her head at Casey. "Ignore your father, honey. He's just cranky because our house in the Hamptons isn't quite ready for us yet." She shot Casey's father a quick glare that dared him to butt in, but he wilted. He was a tough military man and even tougher former District Attorney, but there was something about the way her normally calm and easygoing mother scolded him that silenced him instantly. "Go on, sweetie."

Casey took a deep breath, inhaling sharply. "The pregnancy is only part of it," she answered, finding her opening. "I may have conceived the baby out of wedlock, but she will not be born that way." Casey hadn't bothered to tell her family about her assault. They had called her a million times when they saw the paper, but she hadn't bothered to answer.

"Oh? This gentleman came back around and is willing to marry you? That's great news!" Steven boomed.

Casey shook her head. "No, Sir," she murmured. For all of her life, she had been forced to call her own father sir, and in situations like this, it seemed too formal, too stuffy...too impersonal for this type of conversation. But if she wanted a positive reaction from him, she would have to play to his ego. "I will be married, but not to the man who fathered my baby. I will be married...to Olivia."

An uncomfortable silence settled over the room, and Casey felt, more than saw, her parents' gaze swivel over to Olivia. After several long, uncomfortable moments, Deanna Novak cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, you are marrying.." She looked at Olivia for a moment, staring as if taking in every detail, from Olivia's dark brown hair to her olive skin, to the scar on her eyebrow, and everything in between.

Before her mother could say anything else, her father slammed his wine goblet down onto the table. "So you started with an affront to your upbringing by getting pregnant outside of marriage, and now you bring this, this woman into our home and announce that you are marrying her? A marriage is between a man and a woman, Casey. You know that. You used to believe that. What, did you run out of men to sleep around with and decided to switch to a larger pool of choices?"  
Casey felt her heart leap into her throat and the tears sting the back of her eyes. She hadn't expected her father to be happy, exactly, but that was too much. He was using her news as an excuse to shame her, and she wasn't going to deal with it. She stood up abruptly, the water in her glass shaking. "No, Sir," she answered, this time her voice full of contempt, albeit broken with sadness. "A marriage is between two people, regardless of who they are, and I marrying Olivia because I love her, and because she loves me."

Casey bit back the tears, willing herself not to cry in front of her father. I came here asking for your support, but I see now that you are too bitter and old fashioned to ever approve of things. God forbid you approve of your only daughter's happiness. Oh, forgive me, I took the Lord's name in vain. I'm such a bad little sinner." She scoffed, shaking her head. "I'm sorry that I ever expected you to care about how I feel. I'm not your trophy child. You can't project the perfect family just so you can be re-elected again, Dad. You're retired, and it's time you start focusing less on your constituents, and more on your family." She looked over at her mother. "The dinner was fantastic, Mom. Thank you." Casey turned away and left the room, unable to look at her father any longer.

As she reached the front porch, she felt Olivia's arms around her. "I'm sorry," Olivia whispered. "I should have declined the offer."

Casey shook her head, turning into her and resting her head on the older woman's chest. "It's not about you," she said quietly, her voice breaking. "He's never been happy with anything I do. Any time I made a mistake, he would ignore me, then pay off whoever he could to keep it a secret. He has always criticized everything in my life as an affront to my upbringing. That is his favorite put down. I shouldn't have expected that to change."

The front door opened before Olivia could respond, and the porch flooded with light. "Casey?" her mother's voice rang out. She paused when she saw Casey crying in Olivia's arms. She sighed, gently ruffling Casey's hair the way she used to when Casey was younger. "Honey, I am so sorry about what your father said in there. He is in shock, as I am. But he had no right to talk to you like that, especially after..what you've been through." She glanced at Olivia for a moment. "I don't pretend to understand...this. But if you're happy, that's what matters to me. You're my baby girl, no matter how old you are, and I love you with every ounce of my being. I will talk to your father. But know that, for now, you have my full support." She extended her right hand. "Welcome to the family, Olivia."

Olivia shook her hand, while still holding Casey with her free arm. "Thank you, Mrs. Novak," she answered quietly. "I appreciate the dinner, and the support, but for now, I am going to take Casey home. She needs to get off of her feet, and she is very hurt by what her father said to her."

"Will you two stay here for the night?" Deanna asked. "Please? I already had the housekeeper prepare the room on the off chance that Casey would be staying. And um...you're welcome to share the bed with her, if you like..."

Casey lifted her head from Olivia's chest, hating the fact that her face must be reddened and blotchy from crying. Olivia sighed, brushing a stray lock of hair out of the younger woman's eyes. "How do you feel about that?" she asked gently. "Do you want to go home, or do you want to stay here with your mother and..your father?"

Casey sighed, hating being treated like a two year old, but also appreciating it, on some level. She looked from Olivia to her mother and back again. And in an instant, she knew what she wanted.


	26. Chapter 26

**Author's note: I had completely forgotten about Chief Dodds, so I have since updated the chapters that mentioned Chief Muldrew and replaced his name with Dodds, as promised. This chapter picks up immediately where the last one left off. It is happier than the previous one, though no less frustrating. Just keep in mind that every amazing roller coaster has to have a few sharp curves, or else it would be a kiddie ride. Thank you for the awesome support that all of you have shown, and I look forward to reading your thoughts on this next chapter. It does contain mild swearing and disrespect (not between Casey and Olivia). As a quick note, despite how he may seem, Casey's father is verbally abusive, but he has never raised a hand to his wife or daughter. I cannot emphasize enough the fact that he is not a wife beater. That is key knowledge for this chapter. Let me know what you all think. Thank you for reading.**

Casey stood in the foyer of her parents' home, seething. She had informed her mother that she would neither accept nor decline her offer, pending further conversation with her father. As Steven exited from the kitchen, carrying his newspaper and coffee, he stopped when he spotted Casey and Olivia. "Come back in to apologize?" he questioned.

Casey shook her head, folding her arms across her chest. "You need to understand one thing, Father. You are a former District Attorney, and you spent years drilling several things into me. You said that you can never get too close to people if you want to make it in the political world. You promised me that making the wrong friendships and falling for the wrong people would destroy all of my hopes, and my career. But throughout all of that, one lesson rang clear in my mind."

"Casey, please, this isn't the time or the place-"

Casey held up her hand. "I believe this is the perfect time, and the perfect place. You see, Sir, you were gone for so much of my life, spending your time campaigning or paying constituents, and when you weren't dealing with your political career, you were off being a suave military man. But you managed to teach me the art of argument. You told me it would make me a good attorney one day. But you know what? You taught me to argue too well. I am not going to sit here and take your criticism like I did when I was younger. I am no longer the little girl who craves Daddy's approval and shuts up just because she has everything she ever asks for. I am a grown woman with my own hopes and dreams, and I'll be damned if you take that from me."

Steven's mouth opened just a little. If it weren't for the visibly trembling liquid in his mug, Casey wouldn't have known whether he was even still alive. "Casey, please," he said quietly. "We didn't raise you to speak to your elders like this."

"I don't care how you raised me," Casey answered. "Let's examine your values, shall we? It's wrong for me to fall in love and want a family of my own. It's wrong for me to break off the engagement you planned for me before I was even born, like we live in the sixteenth century. But it's not wrong for you to sleep around with your secretary and pay her off when she got pregnant. It's not wrong for you to criticize every decision I ever made in my life, while couching it in faint praise and the occasional expensive gift. So, let's review, Dad. Are family values really that important to you?"

"Casey." This time it was Olivia, gently holding her hand on the small of Casey's back. Casey shrugged her off, her fury mounting with each second.

"I may not have gotten pregnant on my wedding night, and I may not be proud of how I did get this baby, but I will not stand here and be chastised for being such a naughty little Catholic girl. I have a life. I have feelings. I'm at the point in my life where, sure, it will break my heart if I have to cut all ties with you, but I will ultimately be happier." Casey looked away in disgust, then shook her head and forced herself to stare back at her father, giving him the very glare that was usually reserved for particularly grating defendants on the stand.

Steven slammed his coffee onto the end table behind him and folded his newspaper, tossing it onto the sofa. "Casey, this is getting rather outlandish," he stated calmly. "How dare you bring up my past in front of your mother. How dare you air this family's secrets in front of a stranger, a stranger of whom we will never approve? How dare you speak to your own father like this?"

"Olivia knows more than you think," Casey answered. "She knows everything about me. And you are seriously deluded if you believe your indiscretion is something Mom has ever forgotten about, or that it is the worst secret in this family. Truthfully, I would say it is one of the tamest. We may be old money, but we are certainly not immune from family secrets."

"To what do you refer?" her father questioned.

Clearly, he was suffering under the delusion that Casey was a scared little girl who thought her parents were madly in love and perfectly happy in their lives. "You don't want me to go there, Sir," she replied. "And I'm not going to go there, because, contrary to what some in this room may believe, I am capable of letting the past remain there. You are missing the entire point of my discussion. Where were you, months ago, when I was being stalked and harassed, albeit unknowingly? Where were you when my ex boyfriend and a man I prosecuted decided to torture me for revenge?"

"How dare you blame us for that? We called. You never answered the phone, or any of our messages. How dare you stand here before me, screaming at me for not caring about you, when it is your very decision making process that caused this issue?"

Casey shook her head. "I didn't call you because I had nothing to say, and you know why. But, in case your retirement has truly fried your brain that much, I will elaborate." She shifted on her feet. These days, it was getting harder to stand for long periods of time without getting dizzy, tired, or sore. "I don't care if you called. I never called back, because I wasn't in the mood to hear you tell me it was my fault. After all, that's what you said about Charlie. When he started getting sick, you told me I had to work harder to contain him, to keep him calm. And that night that the cops showed up at the doorstep, you only scolded me for using my position to get him off."

She stepped closer to her father, who, though several inches taller than herself, wasn't nearly as intimidating as he had been when she was younger. "You see, Sir, I will never understand your twisted logic. You stood there and said it was my fault for arguing with Charlie. All you cared about was what it would do to your political career to have a battered woman for a daughter. Sure, you bought me a new apartment, and an awesome car, but you were a stranger to me. You weren't my father. So no, I didn't tell you what was happening with me during the last few months, because I didn't want to hear you yell at me for giving the family a bad name. I could just hear your words now." Casey scoffed, then recited "Casey, what is this going to look like to the outside world to know that our daughter is into group sex and orgies?" She shook her head in disgust. "I wasn't going to listen to that. God forbid a former prosecutor and District Attorney understand what I was going through. Thank God you were a homicide prosecutor, because you never would have made it in the Special Victims Unit. All you care about is yourself!"

"I would have never accused you of being into orgies!"

"The hell you wouldn't have!" Casey cried back. "And even if you hadn't have, how was I supposed to know that it would have been the one time you would have been there for me? You can't buy my love anymore. I'm not a doormat any longer. I don't deserve that crap from my own freaking father!"

Steven slammed his fist down on the end table. "That is enough, young lady. I will not sit here and be berated my own child any longer. You can either apologize for your cruel words, and we can move on. Or you can get out of my home. Until you can re-embrace the Christian beliefs I thought we had instilled into you, you are no longer welcome here."

Casey allowed the words to sink in. She expected to feel devastated and heartbroken, but a surprising shock of relief coursed through her. If it was that easy for him to cut her out of her life, not caring about her happiness or even deigning to listen to her feelings, then she didn't need him. "Yes, Sir," she said, feeling her heart in throat, her contempt bubbling within her.

"Casey, honey, please stay. We can talk about this," her mother begged.

Casey shook her head. "No, Mom. We can't. We haven't been able to talk about things for a long time. I'm not going to apologize for falling in love or airing his dirty laundry. Go make another trophy child, Dad. I am finished." With that, Casey turned and stormed out, leaving her copies of the various house keys on the table beside the door.

Later that night, Casey laid awake quietly in Olivia's arms, listening to the quiet sound of the apartment heater. She sighed, burying her head in Olivia's chest. Olivia stroked her back soothingly. "Are you alright, baby?"

"No," Casey admitted, her heart breaking at that simple word. "My mom accepted you and my father practically threatened to smite us. It played out just how I thought, and I don't know how I feel about that. He might as well have called me the devil incarnate. It would have been more effective. I think he would rather I marry the baby's father, because hell, who cares if we slept together while we were drunk? At least the baby wouldn't be a bastard." The attorney felt the tears sting the back of her eyes.

"I know, baby. I know," Olivia murmured, continuing to massage Casey's back in soothing circles. "I'm sorry that I didn't say much. I didn't know what to say."

Casey nodded. "I know," she answered, sniffing as the first tear rolled out of her eyes and slid down her cheek. She reached to wipe it away, but Olivia had beaten her to it. "Thank you for going, though. I'm so sorry that he treated you like that. I really wanted them to accept you. I thought..if they could see how happy I was, they would find it in their hearts to care less about the politics and more about their only child's future." She rolled her eyes in the darkness. "What a novel idea," she whispered.

Olivia kissed the younger woman's forehead. "Maybe they will come around. But what are you going to do, now that you know?"

Casey knew the older woman was really asking whether she still wanted to marry her. But of course she did. "We are going to have the future we dreamed about together," she answered firmly. "I'm not the sixteen year old girl who needed my parents' approval to sleep with my boyfriend for the first time. I'm a grown woman, and I'm going to be truly happy for the first time in my life. And if that means I have to go to hell , well..." She looked up at Olivia and smiled gently. "At least I'll be in good company."


	27. Chapter 27

**Author's note: Well, I had the next several chapters of this story written. Then most of my documents mysteriously disappeared from my laptop, leaving me with only chapters twenty five and twenty six of this story. I am sorry for the slow update- but this is why. Thank you for your patience, and for the awesome support you have all shown. I cannot recreate the next couple of chapters word for word, but I will make sure everything that I had planned to write will be written. Let me know what you all think of this chapter. I am happy with how it turned out. =)**

A couple of weeks later, Olivia had just finished at the precinct. She had just finished with an enormous stack of paperwork, including Rollins' request for maternity leave (which Olivia had all but had to force her into), and something she was planning for Casey. After checking the clock, Olivia sighed when she realized what time it was. It was half past four PM, and she hadn't eaten a morsel since before bed the previous evening. As if in response, her stomach grumbled.

Olivia sighed and closed everything, then walked to her favorite cafe, a block from the precinct. She had just ordered her coffee and her usual lunch, and relaxed into her favorite table, when someone cleared their throat above her. "Sergeant."

Olivia looked up, surprised to see Casey's father standing over her. There was no way this was a coincidence. "Can I help you with something?" she questioned.

Steven invited himself to sit across from her. As the waitress arrived with Olivia's refill, she shot a quick confused glance between Olivia and Steven, then took his order for a glass of wine. Steven cleared his throat again. "I have done some research into you, Sergeant," he began, reaching for a roll from the basket between them.

"Research?" Olivia asked, remaining equally calm. She recognized this as an intimidation tactic. Did he seriously think he could bully her? What kind of idiot did he take her for?

"Yes," he confirmed. "It seems you are up for promotion to Lieutenant. Indeed, it is my understanding that your promotion is about to become official."

"Yes, Sir," Olivia answered calmly.

"Does my daughter know?"

Olivia sighed, folding her hands on the table. "No, she does not know yet," she answered, knowing it was best not to lie. She was finding it quite difficult to avoid becoming annoyed by his pomposity. She didn't appreciate being checked up on like some sort of criminal. But she wasn't going to let it unnerve her. That would be like trying to wrestle with an angry dog. It would only encourage him.

"Trying to keep secrets from her, are we?" Steven asked, buttering his roll. "I believe she has a right to know, don't you? You won't be home as much, and you'll have all new responsibilities."

"With all due respect, Sir, I took this promotion because I want to be home more," Olivia replied. "It is a position that will not require me to be on the front lines as much, in addition to providing an excellent leap in my career. If you'll forgive me for saying so, it isn't any of your business, and I would appreciate it if you keep yourself out of my life."

"Ah, but I am in your life, irregardless of either of our personal beliefs. You are marrying my daughter, with my strongest objection, which places me firmly in your corner. I am curious about your personal choices. You have spent much of your life skipping from relationship to relationship without a thought for your permanent future. Now, suddenly, you want to marry someone. And you have set your sights on my daughter."

Olivia nodded. "I am a firm believer in not settling down until you find the proper person. I am not one who takes relationships lightly. I prefer not to get serious with someone until I reach the point where I can truly envision spending the rest of my life with them."

"And you think Casey is the right person for you?"

"I know she is," Olivia confirmed. "I love her, and I will do so with my last breath. Nothing can change that. I understand where you are coming from, Mr. Novak. I truly do. But I have to weigh that against what will make Casey happy."

Steven shook his head. "This isn't right for her. She needs to settle down with a good Catholic man who will respect her job and her feelings. If they give me some beautiful grandchildren, that is only a bonus."

Olivia couldn't believe this. Few people so freely admitted to living in the nineteenth century with their beliefs. Casey's father clearly thought of her as something to own. She was his possession, more than his child. He wanted to use her for grandchildren, regardless of what she wanted. It was appalling. When she had finally thought of a reply that didn't involve a hundred swear words, the brunette took a sip of her drink to calm herself, and spoke as she returned the glass to the table. "It should be up to Casey to decide what will make her happy. She agreed to marry me, and regardless of what you may believe, I did not, at any point, unduly coerce her into the relationship. She has consented at every stage, and nothing will break me from her side."

"Ah, but what about the truth?" Olivia's face must have betrayed her confusion, because Steven smirked and elaborated. "As I said, I checked up on you," he stated, as calmly as if he were discussing the daily news. "I did some digging into your past, before you were a detective, even. I discovered a tiny wrinkle in your image. It seems you were engaged twice before. On one of those occasions, you left your partner at the last minute, abandoning her a mere week before the wedding."

That was too much. Olivia curled her fists in her lap to avoid them being seen. How dare he do this to her? How dare he check up on her and sit here confronting her about her past like some high inquisitor? This wasn't a trial, and he was treating her like he treated any scummy defendant. Finally, Olivia managed to restrain herself and avoid saying how much she really hated him. "I did," she admitted. "I realized that I had made a mistake, and I did not want it to get any worse. Yes, I broke off the engagement. I was not going to be married to someone who I had fallen for so quickly and had already gotten over by that point in the relationship. As I previously stated, I then vowed to marry only when I was truly ready- when I knew, in my heart, that I had found the right person. And, despite your strenuous objection, Sir, that person is Casey. Nothing will change that."

Steven shook his head, and Olivia could practically see the aura of fury around him. "You are relentless," he growled. "You won't leave her alone so that she can go back to being a nice Catholic girl. You won't come clean to her about your unsavory past. And you are practically giving up your career for her. When will you understand that she will eventually wake up and realize how wrong she is, leaving you and your career in the dust? What do I have to do to get you to leave her alone?"

Olivia suddenly realized something. The realization was so swift and pure that she wondered how she hadn't realized it before. It was no wonder Casey wasn't married or even with anyone. Anytime she fell in love, her father must get rid of the man, either by threats or by digging up their unsavory secrets. It didn't excuse anything, of course, but she was beginning to understand why Casey was still alone. A coward would easily fall apart at Steven's hands. But she was different. She was not going to tolerate this crap, from him or anyone else. It was for her to decide who she loved, and no bitter man was going to take that from her. "You can dig up whatever secrets you may like," Olivia stated evenly. "But it won't change anything."

"What if I report you to Internal Affairs? Or the city? I have friends in the Mayor's office. Wouldn't they love to know that their beloved Lieutenant, head of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit, is a lesbian?"

Olivia bit her lip to keep from laughing. "That threat may have worked twenty years ago, but it won't work now. You can march yourself to City Hall and report me. Call me a dyke, tell them I coerced your daughter into marrying me. But they cannot legally touch me. I have already disclosed to my bosses and garnered their approval of the marriage and my future adoption of Casey's baby when she is born. There can be no claims of conflicts of interest, no cries of conspiracies. We disclosed to protect ourselves against people like you. So you are free to waste your time, but even if they fired me a thousand times over, I would still choose Casey. I am at the point in my life where I can no longer allow my career to dictate my feelings. I have given so much to this job. I've lost so much and gained so little. I choose Casey. I will always choose Casey."

Steven wagged his finger at her in fury. "You disgust me," he growled. "But I will do whatever it takes to make sure that you realize that you don't love her. You want her for something, though I am not sure what. Perhaps you want her for sex. Perhaps you are using her to fulfill your dreams of becoming a mother. But I will do whatever it takes to help her understand the mistake she is making. Threats have not worked with you. Secrets have failed to move you. So let me try something else. Name your price."

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked. It had taken a few seconds for the offer to sink in.

Steven smirked. "Name your price," he repeated, retrieving his checkbook. "Tell me how much it will cost for you to leave her."

"One million dollars," Olivia answered.

"Done." He began writing a check.

Once he handed it to her, Olivia shook her head in disgust. "My God," she murmured, glaring at the numerous zeroes before her. "What is the matter with you? You're willing to buy me off to abandon your pregnant daughter and leave her side when I love her and she has done nothing wrong? You're willing to buy me off to make her unhappy, and yet you sit here and claim it's all for the best. Let me tell you something. I love her, and I will not abandon her at any point. You're welcome to march to City Hall and yell your concerns to them, if you prefer to waste your time. Maybe someday you will realize that your time is better spent elsewhere. But you have no business in my personal life, or Casey's. Enjoy your money, Sir. That is clearly all that matters to you. Your efforts may have worked on her past boyfriends, but they will not work on me. Do not interfere again. Have a wonderful day." Olivia grabbed her bag and tore the check into a hundred pieces, before turning on her heel. After paying her bill, she stormed out into the frigid morning, her mood suddenly as cold as the ice on the ground.


	28. Chapter 28

**Author's note: I am still very frustrated, having lost the next four chapters of this story. That was a lot of time and thought lost because my computer decided to hate me. I have also not felt very well this week. I had major chest problems the other night, and I've been suffering from a migraine since yesterday. But I did not want anyone to think I had abandoned this story, so I knew I needed to update. Also, I am conducting a quick little poll. Let me know in your response to this chapter whether you would like to see the actual wedding preparations (ie, the parties and planning), or just the wedding itself. Thank you for the continued support. I appreciate all of you.**

Casey had spent most of her evening in bed. Olivia wasn't home yet, and hadn't bothered to explain why she wasn't available for dinner. It was just as well, Casey figured. She had been suffering from extreme nausea since that afternoon, and her head felt as if someone had squeezed it until it popped. Even though she had tried to sleep it off, nothing had helped. In fact, the only thing she had gained for her efforts was the addition of a sore neck.

Now, Casey was relaxing, sipping her usual green tea and scrolling through various wedding decoration ideas. She knew they would never be one of those couples who spent thousands of dollars on their wedding, and thousands more on a great honeymoon. It wasn't that they couldn't afford it, especially with Casey's family money. But it was the simple fact that Olivia wasn't that type of lover. Casey knew that, and she understood. She would never dream of trying to force Olivia to do something she didn't want to do. Olivia wasn't exactly the type of woman who loved frills and lace, and Casey more than accepted that. A successful partnership was built on compromise, and though it meant she would never get her dream white wedding, Casey knew, at the end of the day, all that mattered was that she married the woman she loved.

Clicking out of her current browser window, Casey listened for a moment, hearing the front door unlock. Within moments, Olivia had entered the bedroom, still wearing her coat. She removed her gun and badge and placed them on the nightstand on her side of the bed. "Sorry I'm late," she murmured.

"I'm used to it," Casey answered. She hadn't meant for the words to come out as bitterly as they did. "Were you busy? Was work stressful?"

"Not work," Olivia replied, sitting on the edge of the bed and removing her shoes. Casey didn't bother asking her to place them on the shoe rack. As Olivia rolled onto her back with a deep sigh, Casey sat up, wondering what had happened. Before she could ask, Olivia groaned softly. "I cannot believe his pomposity," she murmured.

"Whose pomposity?" Casey asked, confused.

"Your father."

"My father?" Casey paused. "Olivia, I thought we talked about this. I know he was a royal bastard at dinner, but aren't you the one who said we shouldn't let it get to us? Aren't you the one who said you would love me regardless of what he said, and that we should just ignore him, because he's too bitter to ever understand?"

Olivia growled softly. "Sometimes I hate the fact that you remember everything," she murmured. She sat up, turning to look at Casey. "I was on my lunch break today. I had barely sat down and ordered when, who should show up but your father?"

"Oh my god," Casey answered. "He showed up at your favorite cafe? How did he know you would even be there?"

Olivia barked out a sarcastic laugh. "I'm sure it wasn't that difficult for him to figure it out," she replied. "He has been following me, Casey. I'm not talking about a simple conversation. The bastard hired people to follow me and dig into my past. I'm starting to understand why so many people left you."

Casey fell silent. Olivia's words stung. She knew the older woman hadn't meant for it to come out the way it did, but the words were out, and they hurt more than she wanted to admit. "People leave for their own reasons," the attorney answered quietly. "Whether my father bullies them or not is not the issue. It comes down to whether or not they have the spine to stand up to him, or the heart to choose me over whatever lump sum of cash they are offered." She shook her head, disgusted. "I should have seen this coming. So, what? He offered you some money and you realized just how much you want it, so you're starting to see all of the flaws in our relationship? Now that he offered you some money, you're ready to leave?"

As Casey moved to get off of the bed, Olivia gently grabbed her. "No, Casey," she answered quietly. "Listen to me. Let me explain. Then if you want to avoid looking at me, feel free." Casey said nothing, but didn't move. Olivia sighed behind her. "He did try to buy me off," she said. "But that was only at the end. First, he threatened me with my position."

"Your position?" Casey asked. "What, is he threatening to make sure your promotion to Lieutenant doesn't go through? Is he trying to capitalize on the fact that you haven't heard anything yet?"

Olivia was silent for a long time. Casey turned to face her, not understanding. Finally, Olivia took a deep breath and continued her explanation. "I don't know if that's it, exactly," she fumbled. "But after I calmly explained that we had already disclosed, thus removing his ability to threaten us, he then attempted to exploit my past. I've made some mistakes in past relationships, Casey. I'm not going to go into them now, but I have done some things I am not proud of, and it was one of those mistakes that he attempted to use against me."

"Olivia, you can tell me anything," Casey promised. "Nothing you say will make me love you any less. You can tell me."

"No!" Olivia barked. Casey wilted. It was the tone of voice she usually reserved for particularly scummy perps. Olivia sighed, rubbing her forehead. "Casey, I'm sorry," she said quickly. As Casey turned away, discouraged, she heard Olivia shift on the bed behind her. "Just know that it was a mistake, and I would never dream of doing anything like that to you."

"Whatever you say," Casey mumbled. She was surprised to find that her eyes had flooded with tears. She scolded herself for being such a wimp.

Olivia shifted again on the bed. "But that didn't work either," she promised. "I was angry, and I was ready to reach across the table and wring his neck, but I managed to regain my composure and assure him that nothing could make me leave you. No amount of secrets or threats was going to make me choose the job or my past over you. I even assured him that I would be willing to retire, if needed. I told him that you and the baby are my life now, and that he could never change that."

"So what did he say?" Casey asked quietly.

"He asked me what you were worth," Olivia replied. "He took out his checkbook and prepared to write me a big fat check in exchange for me making up some stupid thing you did and breaking your heart into a thousand pieces."

"Oh? And what am I worth to you?"

Olivia sighed. "I told him to give me a million dollars."

Casey turned around, shocked. "You actually gave him a number?" she cried. "What the hell, Olivia?" She stood up, ignoring the wave of nausea that crashed over her. "Oh my God. You couldn't wait to get money. Once you heard that my family was wealthy, you absolutely couldn't wait to exploit our relationship. How could I be so stupid? You're just like anyone else out there. You don't know what love is. You only understand the language spoken by a big fat check!"

"Would you shut up for a second?" Olivia demanded. As Casey fell silent, still refusing to sit down on the bed again, Olivia exhaled sharply and explained. "Yes, he gave me a check. He didn't quite understand how sarcastic I was being. He gave me the check, and I took it. But only to tell him off. As I took the check, I kindly informed him that I loved you, and nothing would change that. I destroyed the check, threw the pieces at him, and promised him that I would be marrying you no matter what. Then I left."

Casey turned, realizing how rash she had been. She shook her head. "I can't believe it," she murmured, sitting carefully on the edge of the bed. "He tried to break us apart, and you stayed despite all of his threats."

"And you're sitting here accusing me of being ready to leave you over paper?"

"I'm sorry," Casey answered. "I'm at the point where I've been hurt so many times , especially by his actions, that I feel as if my heart is always waiting for the next attack. To compensate, it's as if my mind thinks of the most illogical and cruel responses." She looked at Olivia and smiled. "I'm sorry that I didn't believe you," she murmured. "I should know by now to trust you. Are you sure you still want me, given all of that baggage?"

"Absolutely," Olivia answered, brushing a stray lock of hair out of Casey's eyes and kissing her gently. As Casey shifted to relax in the older woman's arms, everything was perfect. But if she had bothered to look a little more closely, she would have seen something besides love in the older woman's eyes. She would have seen just how clear it was that Olivia was being anything but honest with her.


	29. Chapter 29

**Author's note: As always, thank you for the awesome feedback, both in messages and here in the reviews. And in general support, as well. This next chapter should answer any lingering questions from the ending of the previous one. If not, or if you still have any questions, feel free to ask, and I will answer in the context of the story. Thank you for reading. I look forward to reading everyone's thoughts. Also, I apologize for the long gap between updates, but my muse has left me, it seems. This is the first day this week that I have actually felt up to writing a coherent chapter that served a purpose beyond being an update for the sake of updating. I will hopefully be back on track within the next few chapters.**

Olivia spent most of the night awake. She felt horrible for lying to Casey. Granted, she was not technically lying, but a sin of omission was a lie, nevertheless. It wasn't that she didn't trust Casey. She didn't know why she couldn't bring herself to tell her. It was, after all, happy news. But that didn't change the facts.

Early in the morning, Olivia gently untangled Casey from her and pulled the covers over the sleeping redhead, knowing that Casey always got particularly cold in the early morning hours. And yet she still insisted on sleeping with the fan on, even though she would ultimately be bundled up to her neck come morning. Olivia found it both endearing and annoying.

Sneaking out of the apartment, having showered and dressed in a half hour, Olivia stopped for her usual morning coffee, then headed to work. She had just settled into her office and taken the first scalding sip of her coffee when a knock on the door startled her. Only by a stroke of luck did she manage not to spill the burning liquid on herself. "Come in," she murmured, grabbing a napkin and cleaning the cup. She looked up as Fin entered. "You're here early."

"I had a DD5 to type up," Fin answered, sitting across from her. "I could say the same for you."

"I'm the boss. I have to be here early," Olivia answered. It wasn't one hundred percent true, but it was as good of a cover story as anything. She surely wasn't going to explain why she really was here so early.

"Isn't the point of being the boss that you choose your own hours?" Fin questioned.

Olivia sighed deeply, placing her palms on her desk. "I choose to come in early and leave late. It is still choosing my own hours."

"Or you are doing it to hide from Casey."

Olivia's gaze snapped up from the desk. "Excuse me?"

Fin shrugged. "Liv, I've known you for longer than anyone else here. I know what makes you tick. I know you well enough to see how you react around her, especially lately. You two confessed your relationship to the rat squad, but you still jump out of your skin whenever she is near. Why?"

Olivia bit the inside of her lip. She wanted to be angry that he was prying, but she also couldn't deny the relief that came from having someone to talk to. Especially someone who, as Fin had pointed out, she had known for so long. "I thought discussing our relationship and coming out would protect us," she began, unsure of how best to explain what she wanted to say.

"Having the rat squad's approval would cement any relationship."

"I suppose," Olivia murmured thoughtfully, taking another sip of her coffee. "But now that we have their approval, and Cutter's, it feels as if everything is so..official. Casey and I come from wholly different places. We have entirely different ideas on life. She has always dreamed of the white wedding, the beautiful mansion. I, on the other hand, have long since resigned myself to being alone. I had reached the point in my life where, when I tried to visualize my future, I saw only myself."

Fin leaned forward thoughtfully. "So you are regretting proposing to her?"

"No, of course not!" Olivia exclaimed. She had interjected very quickly, but in her heart, she knew that she would never regret asking Casey to marry her. She loved her with everything she had. The brunette sighed. "It's not her. It's me. If she wakes up one day and realizes that I'm not what she wants, then I'll have wasted that much time of her life and ruined my relationship with the woman I love forever."

"But why would she do that?" Fin asked. "Olivia, I know you, and I also know her. You wouldn't have proposed if you weren't ready, and she would not have accepted if she wasn't. Why are you questioning yourself? What happened to the tough cop who could make any perp wither with a simple glare?"

"I don't know," Olivia admitted, realizing just how true the statement was. She had spent so much of her life compensating for her lack of love by throwing herself into her career. She had come off as a harpy to more than one person, and she had earned so many unpleasant nicknames over the years- from perps and victims alike. It was as if that entire identity had dissolved when she confessed her feelings for Casey and asked her to spend the rest of her life with her. She didn't feel like herself anymore.

"Liv?" Fin prompted.

Olivia jolted out of her thoughts. "Casey took me to meet her parents," she answered carefully.

"Aren't her parents Catholic?"

Olivia scoffed quietly. "If you want to call it that," she muttered. "Her mother approved, but her father...well, he did everything but throw a Bible at us. He called both of us a series of cruel words, then informed Casey that she was no longer welcome in his home until she returned to her true faith, as he put it."

Fin nodded. "I wish I could judge him outright for being a pompous prick, but what would that make my reflection? I didn't react any differently when I found out my son was gay."

"I remember," Olivia replied. "He didn't speak to you for awhile after that, and wanted me to be some sort of mediator."

Fin sighed. "It took a long time for me to adjust to the fact that he was...different. It wasn't until he introduced me to Alejandro, and I saw him at Alejandro's hospital bed side, that I was really able to come to terms with it. So, as much as I hate myself for saying it, I can understand where Casey's father is coming from."

"But you didn't throw religious beliefs at Ken. There is a considerable difference between not knowing what to say in a conversation with your son when he comes out, and throwing the book at your only daughter because she isn't married and pregnant with her twentieth child."

"Twentieth child?"

"Don't ask," Olivia responded. "Fin, you're not anything like Casey's father," she assured him. "It doesn't matter how long it took you to come around. It only matters that you did."

Fin smiled. "I can't say I believe you, but I appreciate the effort." As Olivia returned the smile, he sighed. "Okay. So you met the parents and only one approved. How did Casey take it?"

"She was okay," Olivia murmured. "After some time, that is. She made it clear that she was going to marry me regardless of her father's bigoted worldview." She shook her head. "And he's not the first parent to judge me. It bothers me, but I've had worse. What truly affects me is the fact that he came to my favorite cafe and interrupted my breakfast, spouting a ton of religious crap. Suffice to say, when that didn't work, he tried threatening me with some of my worst secrets...and when that failed, he tried to pay me."

"He paid you?" Fin asked, laughing before he could stop himself. Olivia shot him a glare. Fin sighed. "What is his daughter worth to him?"

"A cool million."

"Damn. Most people would have taken the money and run."

"Fin!"

"Relax, Liv, I'm only trying to help."

Olivia capped and uncapped her pen, then repeated the process until even she was bored of the sound. "I know. I'm sorry," she replied. "Can you believe his nerve? Paying me, like that would make me abandon her. I suppose he doesn't care that his daughter is pregnant, and that leaving her alone after doing everything I can to reassure her that this would never happen is a particularly cruel thing to do. Anyway, one of the things he threatened me with was my promotion."

"He threatened you with your promotion?" Fin repeated. "Clearly, he does not understand that you have already disclosed, and that your promotion has nothing to do with your relationship with Casey."

"But it does," Olivia admitted.

"What do you mean?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "I haven't told her yet. She's been so happy and outgoing, and she's already feeling insecure. I don't want her to worry. If I tell her about the promotion, she's going to feel like my job takes precedence over her and the baby, and then she's going to ask why I didn't tell her sooner."

"Liv, I understand, but you can't keep this from her," Fin answered. "She's going to find out sooner or later, and it's better it comes from you than from the nightly news."

"I know. I can't explain why I haven't told her. I can't explain anything, at this point. I feel awful for lying to her. It's not a verbal lie, but it's not the truth, either. She's completely oblivious. That makes me feel even worse. When I walk in the door and she serves me dinner, we sit there eating quietly, making the occasional small talk, and I can feel the truth bursting from me, but it never comes out."

Fin nodded. "You have to tell her," he said again. "Preferably before the new guy comes next week."

Olivia groaned. "Ugh, don't remind me. Dodds Jr. can only mean bad things for the precinct. The last thing this squad needs is a spy." She had promised herself that she would give him a chance, and she tried not to judge people before officially meeting them, but with everything else in her life right now, she regarded everything with suspicion. Even her coffee, which tasted much older than it was advertised to be.

Fin started to respond, but his phone beeped. "I have to take this," he said after reading the screen. Standing up, he smiled. "Tell her, Liv. She'll support you. You two practically radiate love. Don't let that fall apart because you're too much of a coward to tell her." He left the office, closing the door gently behind him.

Left alone, Olivia sighed. Fin had always had a way with words. He was the one person who could talk to Olivia like that without receiving a stern warning in return. And she knew he was right. As she reached for her phone to text Casey, who she knew would still be asleep, she paused, her fingers hovering over the screen. "Good morning, sweetheart. Meet me at your favorite restaurant at two. I love you." After hitting send, Olivia sighed, leaning back in her chair. Something about her conversation with Fin made her realize that it wasn't Casey's reaction she had been so afraid of. It was the weight of a thousand new responsibilities. But she could handle it. She had Casey. And that was all she needed.


	30. Chapter 30

**Author's note: I am so sorry for the long update break between this chapter and the last one. I have not really felt up to writing much. I've been having major headache problems, and I am still trying to figure out how to recover the other chapters. But, since that does not seem likely at this point, I will have to go off of memory alone. Thank you to everyone for the awesome continued support on this story, and for me as an author. It is awesome and makes me smile whenever I get an alert that someone has reviewed, or even read the latest chapters. So thank you for that. Please enjoy this next chapter. It's a bit short, but only because something huge is in the works for the next few chapters. I look forward to seeing what everyone thinks. Don't be afraid to tell me. Thank you for reading.**

Casey was sitting in bed, trying to relax. It had been a rather long and stressful day, with one failed experiment after the other. And that wasn't even counting the incident with her coffee. Her shirt would probably never recover, even with the most expensive dry cleaning bill. She had just finished researching something that had been bothering her about her father's actions when the bedroom door opened, and Olivia entered.

"I'm glad you're home," Olivia said, walking over to Casey's side of the bed and handing her a cup of coffee. By the markings on the cup, Casey could see that it was her favorite caramel mocha drink from the coffee shop by the precinct.

"I'm not the one who is never home," Casey pointed out, the observation coming across much more snippily than she had intended.

Olivia sighed, her own coffee in hand as she returned to her side of the bed and flopped onto it. "I know," she murmured, surprising Casey with the confession. "I knew that we needed to talk."

"Talk?" Casey repeated, tracing the rim of her coffee cup carefully. By the warmth against her hand, she knew she would lose her tastebuds for a week if she ventured to take a sip of the boiling liquid within. "What do we need to talk about?"

Olivia was silent for a long time. Finally, she turned to Casey and smiled softly, as if hoping it would lessen the burden of the news. "I haven't been completely honest with you, Casey," she said, and Casey could see by the look in the older woman's eyes that she was trying to decide how best to feel out the situation. Before Casey could ask her to continue, Olivia exhaled sharply and looked her squarely in the eyes. "I have left you under the impression that I have not yet heard about the results of the lieutenant's exam," she finally said.

"Olivia, what is your point?" Casey questioned. "You're beating around the bush, and it's making me nervous!"

"I know," the brunette murmured, brushing a stray scarlet curl out of Casey's eyes. "Believe me, it is not my intention to do so. However, I will not lie to you anymore. I do have the results of the lieutenant's exam. I passed it."

Casey sat up so quickly that her coffee and her laptop nearly fell off of the bed. "You did? Olivia, that's great!" She leaned over and kissed her girlfriend softly, pulling back with a smile. "I'm so happy for you. I knew you would succeed."

Olivia returned the kiss with about half of her usual passion, and Casey took the hint to pull away. "And they let me choose my command, even after I had told them about us. Of course I chose SVU."

"Olivia, call me crazy, but I still don't understand what is so bad about all of this. It's amazing that you got your promotion. Why were you so hesitant to tell me? Clearly, you told your bosses about us and they knew that you were getting promoted. They promoted you despite our relationship, as they should. So what is the problem, here?"

"You complain about my work hours now," Olivia answered. "And I didn't want you to know that they are bringing in the boss's son as my number two. That was my major concern. I don't want you to feel as if we are being spied on."

Casey sighed, tucking her legs beneath her and meeting Olivia's gaze again. "It will feel like that at first," she murmured. "But it sounds as if they hired him long before we disclosed. And if he is being brought in as a spy, he will quickly be bored, because we won't give him anything to spy on."

"When did you become the voice of reason in this relationship?"

Casey smirked. "I've been the voice of reason since day one," she joked. But, regaining her seriousness, she shook her head, folding her arms across her chest as a fresh wave of curiosity crashed over her. "Olivia, you shouldn't have been worried about telling me. We promised that we are a couple. And that means telling each other everything, whether we are afraid of each other's reactions or not. I know that you have gotten used to a life on your own. You've gotten so used to only taking care of yourself and living life as a single person. You've never had to report to anyone, and I fully understand how difficult that is for you. But, by that token, if this is going to work, despite our jobs, despite the horrors we see on a daily basis, you have to be honest with me. You can't be a player anymore, Olivia. You can't go through life alone. You have me to take care of now." Casey took Olivia's hand and gently brought it to her stomach. "You have us to take care of now," she murmured.


End file.
